Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Questions

Has anything ever happened with V? There was a day that she went up to his condo at lunch with him. She said it was just a tour. If I was totally objective and not blinded by trust, I wouldn't believe that.

Being in love, I've never doubted her. Never had a reason to. Now I do. Is it possible to love without total trust?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Contact

Well, it didn't take as long as I would have thought. G contacted Rebecca via text yesterday. I was at work when she called. She said he had texted her asking to go for coffee. I got the impression she called me not only to be transparent, but to ask if it would be okay if she went.

I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she would like to go chat since it was a rather abrupt stop to their relationship.

I told her I was okay with her going, provided she remains honest with me. I'm embarrassed to admit, after we hung up, I had a wave of erotic angst come over me. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. They met at a Starbucks around 11:15, and she was back on her way to see me at 11:45.

Part of our deal on this meeting was that I didn't want to have to pull teeth to learn about what they talked about or did. When she arrived at our coffee shop, I was waiting for her. I sat back and listened.

She said he complimented her on how she looked and asked how she/we were doing. He said that he felt bad for causing her to go through this. She said something to the effect that she was just as much to blame. He went on to say that he was in a meeting across the country when he received my email with the "nuclear option".

She relayed my thoughts saying that I wouldn't do that, and that he could relax on that front. They made some more small talk about Christmas, etc, and then hugged their goodbye. As he hugged her he whispered to her saying that he guesses it would be inappropriate to squeeze her ass right now. She laughed and said "yes, it would be."

Her and I talked some more over my coffee and her lunch. She said how she felt like she was two people during the affair, and she wasn't sure she liked the second Rebecca. We agreed it's like having the angel and devil versions of Rebecca on her shoulder. I told her that everyone has them, just that she has just seen a little more of mine than I have of hers. I'm the one person she can and should be comfortable showing both to.

We got into more detail about how G was a friend, but how she enjoyed the added dimension as well. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her if she would ever want a "friend with benefits" situation. I recall her answer was more yes than no.

We talked a little more last night in bed, and I tried to clarify my question, (not her answer). I told her while I find the idea very exciting, I'm not ready yet for her to resume the friendship with G. It's just too soon, and while I'm strong, I'm not that strong. I said I that her and I need some "us" time for awhile at least. We'll see where things go from here. At least we're talking about it, and I'm happy she can now allow me to see her other side.

I doubt G will stay away, so we'll handle whatever happens next together.


Friday, December 14, 2012

TGIF

An interesting comment came up on a post I made on OHW. The writer suggested that it was hard to believe that G didn't read this blog.

I started to post a reply outlining why he wasn't, but I stopped part way through to wonder and thought maybe he does read this. I doubt Rebecca would have told him about it since the idea has always freaked her out, but you never know. Things I thought I knew before have completely been turned upside down, so nothing would surprise me now.

We talked more last night in bed and she said she thinks she saw his cell number come up on an incoming call yesterday. She said she didn't answer, but it got us talking. I reiterated I have to know if anything at all happens with him, communication or otherwise. She maintains she doesn't want to go there, but I know it's never that simple.

The fact that he would try to call her the day after the "Things are Good" post gets me thinking.




Sunday, December 9, 2012

Things are Good

I did a lot of reading the last few weeks on "surviving" affairs etc. I concluded that a lot (actually most) of it doesn't apply to me. Most of the world still lives with the assumption that an affair will or should kill your marriage.

If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.

They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.

Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.

Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.

I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.

The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.

Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.

Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.





Friday, November 30, 2012

Enough About Me

I was reading about this year's Will/Jada Smith - Marc Anthony "scandal" and I think there's a consistent theme here.

From what I've read in the past, this is what I gather and think I know about Will and Jada Smith.

They seem to have had an enviable marriage by normal standards, let alone measuring it by Hollywood's yard stick. They also have some degree of an open marriage.

Will Smith was quoted as saying, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it."

Their openness with each other may explain this year's Marc Anthony/Jada rumors. I get the impression that Jada may have neglected to ask/inform Will of her hots for MA, which I can see leading to an intense discussion with Will after the fact. He would be asking all the same questions as I have been, including why couldn't she tell Will.

Add to this the rumor that he came home to find them together in their house, and you could see why he might be upset, regardless of whether or not she had some form of standing permission.

It comes back to the main question/recurring theme of given a strong love and marriage and "permission", why do spouses feel the need to hide their affairs? I'm not sure there is an easy answer.

It appears that they are moving forward together. It just might make it awkward between MA and Will for awhile, not to mention JLo.

Enough celebrity gossip.

TGIF. Rebecca's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to our date.


Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Letter

My Dear Wife,

About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.

Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.

I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.

Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.

After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.

Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.

Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.

When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.

We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.







Saturday, November 24, 2012

Not Your Typical Husband

As my wife will attest to, I tend to think a lot. She jokes that she is shallow in comparison, but I don't think she gives herself enough credit in this respect.

Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.

When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.

Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.

Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.

I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.

That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.

Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.

I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Volunteering

Rebecca has been exceptionally loving over the last few weeks, which I definitely enjoy. In that respect we barely skipped a beat.

What will really make me feel we have reached another level is when she volunteers something she is uncomfortable sharing.

It's not that I want her to feel uncomfortable, it's just that everything about her "affair" she has told me has been after I had cornered her. To her credit, she has told me that she will answer anything I ask, but in a way, that tells me she won't volunteer anything.

The most important thing for me at this point is not that I know everything, but that I feel I have a wife who will tell me anything.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

It's quiet in here

But it's good for thinking. I was driving our son back from a 7:00am practice this morning, and I worked myself into a bad mood.

It was just another little thing that made me realize how long I had been duped. For how much of the kid's lives their father had been lied to. In relative years, it would be a decade for me. It feels like a decade. Songs from a year ago have different meaning for me now.

We had a good night last night though. Rebecca and I went to Skyfall while the kids stayed for supper at a friend's house.

I even bought some roses for the occasion. I think how utterly insane this can be. I'm just doing my best to move forward.

We didn't have sex last night, although I sensed Rebecca was game. We kissed a lot in bed, and I had her naked body against me, but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.

We're hosting my office Christmas party tonight, so that should be a good time.

Time for a run.

Today

Any sad thoughts of Rebecca and G sneaking around behind my back have more less disappeared. Is it really that easy? I've seen how much she needs me over the last couple of weeks, and honestly, she has cried way too much about this. I mean it was my prodding that allowed her to go there, and it was her conservative nature that kept her from telling me.

I did tell her last night that I understand that going "cold turkey" would be difficult, due to their friendship. She replied that it wasn't even close if the choice was between a friendship and us.

It's too bad it has come to that really. I mean, we were so close to the perfect situation. The only thing missing was disclosure. I understand that once it happened, it would be hard for her to bring it up, but I did try to give her every chance.

Even this soon after the pain, I have the fleeting thought that we/she could have had it all.. if. If my aunt had nuts.

Unfortunately, with G the opportunity has passed. I'm not sure even I could go there now. Having said that, Sweets if you're reading this, I would still insist on honesty if you ever felt you needed to go there.

Maybe one day she'll find a new G and we can start this off on the right foot. She'll read this and say that will never happen, but that's the sort of denial that got us in trouble to begin with. We've determined that even a perfect wife can have needs outside a perfect marriage.

She has told me that I should stop with the hotwife talk, but I have to be honest, it's hard to do. Especially knowing we've come this close but I'll do my best in that regard. I only hope that if given the choice in the future between cheating wife and hotwife, she'll choose the latter.



Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Pretty Good Night

The Christmas party was a hit, as was Rebecca. It was pretty early in the season, but this was the only weekend that worked for everyone. We hired a great catering duo, a husband and wife who cooked and chatted with the crowd.

During the day I was having a bit of a hard time, and Rebecca has been insisting that I tell her when I have a bad thought. I told her I don't need to bother her with every little negative thing, but she kept asking me to let her hear the pain. This was right before the caterers were arriving as we changed our clothes. She was putting her panties away, and I actually had to look away. I know it's dumb. She asked and I told her. There were things all day that tweaked my memory. Songs, underwear, her dress, her perfect ass while she was changing.. This led to her crying again before the party. Throughout all of this, she has cried a lot. I've been more brooding than anything, but I'm starting to understand that she is being harder on herself about this than I am.

I wasn't in a party mood, so I had low expectations.

She looked amazing in a sweater dress, which was just shear enough to show the outline of her ass through it. During the evening, we were very touchy. She is an amazing hostess. Several times she would come up to me, put her arms around me and whisper in my ear.

I couldn't resist her charm. She would brush my ass with her hand, or push her ass back towards me and discretely grind as we chatted with the guests.

Her charm wasn't limited to me. Two of the younger men (boyfriend/fianc├ęs of two of my female staff) really enjoyed talking to her. Nothing crazy, just her making everyone feel comfortable chatting. She was the hottest woman in the group, even though half the group was at least ten years younger.

At one point, she was standing, talking with one of the guys, her arm around him. It was pretty innocent, but it made me look around to see if anyone else noticed or cared. She pulled me over to her and kissed me. I can't explain how much my mood improved over the evening.

Here I was, hosting a party, and the most beautiful woman in the crowd keeps teasing me, all the while telling me how much she needs me.

At one point, my administrator, a savvy and very direct woman in her mid sixties, whispered to Rebecca that she would take over hostess duties if we wanted to slip upstairs for fifteen minutes. We never took her up on the offer, although it was tempting.

We eventually got everyone out of the house around 3am and headed to bed. We spent most of the next hour all over each other's bodies. I have to say it was amazing. She's become very open in bed. She was quite vocal and makes sure she is getting what she wants. The memories are spotty, but I remember devouring each other in a 69 after we had cum together once. It's at times like that, the knowledge she's been with another man just adds fuel to my fire. It's strange how it works.

This morning we followed up with another round, with her telling me I could get the rabbit vibe from her bedside table. She came while riding me as I moved the vibrator slowly back and forth against her. I know it's weird, but because I now know she gave G blowjobs, I felt the need to reassert myself in that department. After she came, I moved up to her and she took me in her mouth. I kept going until I flooded her mouth. She swallowed and then kissed me as we came down from the high.

Friday, November 9, 2012

I'm Still Whining

Rebecca is still having a difficult time with this. She's extremely sad, which I can certainly understand. I feel I need to comfort her, but as bad as it sounds , part of me doesn't want to at times. She is a strong woman, so it's strange to see her wrestle with this sadness.

I still have my thoughts which could only be characterized as whining. I feel guilty for being so selfish when she's so sad. I feel I have been thoroughly ripped off. I got to experience all the bad feelings of her affair without any of the things I wanted when we started down this path. She was worried about causing pain. She can't understand that doled out by the hand of a loving, honest wife, a little pain can be leveraged into a good thing. When I get to discover it all on my own, it sucks.

I still feel like I'm lacking a full confession. Her sorrow is of course keeping her from that, but I feel it's only going to make us to bury this. If it gets buried, my thought right now is I haven't got my wife back.

In truth, I'm feeling right now that she stopped being mine the first day she lied about him. It wasn't the sex part. The first time she felt she needed to hide the truth from me marked the day she put him and her ahead of her and I. From that point on, our marriage stopped. Our bond had been broken. It's been broken for over a year and I didn't know it. That is the pain of a real affair.

I wonder what would have happened if I had confronted her differently? If I had offered her one chance and only one chance to come clean, would she have taken it? Right now I think she would have kept denying it.

Finally, when we had our fireside chat again last night, she reiterated how she didn't love him. That she cared, but it was really just a no strings attached fling. I told her how ironic it was since that was what I wanted for her from the beginning.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

On the Road

I'm heading to another city for the day with work, fortunate enough to be riding in the passengers seat. Some time to kill.

Last night we had a long discussion, hopefully one of many to come. The last few days have been a strange mix of emotions. She has been a wreck at work, spending a large portion of the last two days crying in a washroom stall. To say I've been distracted would be an understatement, but I'm fortunate enough to be able to dump my workload on my staff with the simple explanation that I will be distracted for awhile.

I want to clarify a few things in my own mind about the last few days. I can't remember if it was Monday or Tuesday.. The day of the "how to get your husband home" post.. I discovered an email account for Rebecca I never knew about.

In the account I found emails dating as far back as last December, sometimes several a day. Several referenced "being inside her" and candy references for blowjobs, etc. She wrote
about getting lost in his eyes etc.

I was in panic mode as I was reading it. I expected to read how she planned to leave me. I didn't find that. It was all what you would expect two people In the start of a relationship to be like. It reminded me of when Rebecca and I started dating. The idea of "New Relationship Energy" has been discussed in detail on other forums.

It's clear that they are/were in the throes of it. In truth, I had been prepared for years for the possibility she might fall into it. I just expected, naively mind you, that I would be "there" to help her through it.

It was all a bit if a blur, but when I confronted her I led with something stupid like," you know how you say divorce is never an option? Well it can be."

I went on to try to give her one chance to come clean by asking if there was anything she wanted to tell me about her and G. She said no. I gave her a couple of quotes from her emails before I left for the office.

When I got there, I sat at my desk and
had to start reading the emails again. As I went through them, I printed and read. I took the stack of prints and put them in a large envelope and put them away.

This is where it gets a little strange. As I read the emails, I couldn't help but get aroused. I was tempted to relieve myself, but I thought there was no way in hell I would be one of "those" husbands. One where he is relegated to his hand while his wife gets her kicks.

I remember driving home, and climbing the stairs and actually thinking that I may have to rape my own wife. She was in our room ironing her clothes for the next morning when I walked in. She turned, came over to me and I grabbed her hard and kissed her. She kissed me hard back, and I reached between her legs and pushed my finger inside of her.

We quickly stripped each other and I lifted her onto the bed. I was inside her in no time. The night was a strange night of different emotions. Anger, lust, sadness, all entwined with our love. I can't begin to define it with words. It was amazing, yet horrible. She cried on and off through it all, knowing how she had betrayed me, us. I didn't cry. It would be the next day before I allowed that. That night was about.... Reassertion? One last night before I left her? I didn't know. All in all, I came in her six times, something I haven't done in almost twenty years.

The next morning, she kissed me when she left, and as soon as she left I started reading the emails again. It was probably a mistake to do so, but I couldn't help it. I realized once again how long she had been fooling me. How long she had been lying. She texted me on her way into work:


R: I love you and am so sorry.

I can't believe how long this was going on for. I feel like an idiot for not knowing. I think you do love him. Sorry. Bad time for me.

R: I am not in love with him. I care, but it's not love.

This went on too long for it not to be love. I gave you so many chances to talk to me about it. You lied to my face over and over. You don't keep that from someone you love. He has that role now.

R: Don't say this. Please.
I will do anything not to lose you. I can't lose us.

I'm the one left standing without anything.

R: We have our life together.

This wasn't a one night stand, or five night stand. You sent him more love notes over a year than you've ever given to me. I was dying for you to treat me like that.
It was a bare faced lie that went on until you had no choice but to tell the truth, and even then you give me bits and pieces. I love you but our trust is dead. I need to figure that part out.
I wondered how long it would take for you to change your password. That tells me a lot.

R: I am going to close that account. I'm done with it. It's not a game anymore.
please don't think without me being with you. I need to be with you and somehow process this together. I love you.

I didn't even know I was playing.

R: It was a game to me.

It didn't sound like it to me.

R: I can't lose you. Do you love me? Do you want to be married to me?

I just need time.

R: I will give you anything you need.

Tell him it's done. If he texts, emails, or even looks at you from across the street, I have 50 pages of emails I'll send to his wife and his office.

R: I will tell him and include you on the note.

Don't meet him in person.

R: I won't.

R: How were the kids?

They're great.

R: They are. Are you still ok to give me the car so that I can pick them up at 1?

The mkx is at home.

R: Ok

Still thinking?

R: Yes. Stressed, cold. Regret.
Nightmare.

Why? Because you can't decide?

R: No, it's never been about a choice or decision. You are who I want to be with.

What would you do if you were me? I'm at a loss.

R: I would be mad beyond belief, but I want to grow old with you so I would do what it took to right things. I would also stop with the hw thing.

R: ?

We've certainly shown we can't handle that.

R: I am so sorry for hurting you.

I know
How is her appt?

R: Drops are in so now we wait for 20 mins
Let me know what doc says.

R: I will. I sent you a picture of her big eyes.

R: Status quo for her eyes
How is your seminar?

Done. Just walking

R: Where are you walking to? I am at the school waiting for the bell.

Everything good I've felt over the last 20 years feels erased.

R: We can get through this. Please. Don't let my stupidity destroy us.
It was my stupidity.
You trusted me and I fucked up.
I love yoi.
You
I love you.

--next day-

Mornings suck

R: All day has been sucking for me.
The bathroom stall has become my friend.

It will get better.

R: I am hanging onto that.


All I want is for us to know each other completely, not just what we want the other to see. Otherwise we're in love with fake people.
I don't know if that makes sense.

R: It does and I am trying. I'm thinking I don't even know myself.


That's just it. I want to discover each other together. I know you thought you were this perfect wife and Catholic girl. You're not. I already knew it because it's an impossible ideal. Just be imperfect with me. I'm very good at being imperfect back :)

R: I know I am far from perfect. I will try to be imperfect together.


There is no "try". Either you're in this or not. Can you tell I'm having a bad moment?

R: I am in it. I won't lose you.

If he contacts you, I need to know. Not to pull the trigger on the courier, but for our own transparency. Any contact I don't know about is just a continuation of your affair.

R: I will tell you if he does. He hasn't since the one I sent to you yesterday. It's done.

Thank you.

R: I will do what it takes to fix what I broke.


Not only if, but "what". Unedited. That's where things went sideways with us. Half truths and selective memory almost finished us. They still could.


R: Unedited would be actual emails which you would get. I would forward anything to you.

I didn't mean to imply you would edit the email. I just meant that I'm thinking back to the positive spin you put on our conversations to keep me from knowing. I'm sorry. I'll try not to keep throwing this in your face. It's hard. I'm angry and hurt.

R: I know you are and I deserve it.
I'm going into a meeting now so will be offline for an hour. Please know how sorry I am.

I know.

R: I hate this.

Yup. I need to know some reason for hiding it from me. You must have had a rationale considering I gave you every possible chance to be honest with me.
Where/how was it going to end up? Would you have left me? Would you have stopped seeing him on your own and just let it fade from your memory?
You don't need to answer now.
Are you there?
?
I tried calling. I need to know you're okay.
--I was worried about her at this point--

R: I am here. I went for lunch and left my phone on my desk. I don't know why this happened. It was never something that would go on. I can't talk to you right now because I will start crying.

R: I know you gave me every chance, I just didn't have the courage. I didn't want to go through this. Obviously I was a fool. Leaving you was never a thought. Not even once.


Okay. Don't scare me like that. I don't like not hearing back from you.

R: I was having a bad time and needed to leave the bb.

R: Have you eaten? I picked away at a salad roll.

I have a sub sitting on my desk. Haven't opened it yet.

R: I'm sitting in a bathroom stall.

Don't text me then.. I don't want to keep you in there all day :)
I'll try to not fire my thought at you as much.

R: I want you to. I deserve this.

No you don't.

R: I do and if it helps I will take it.

At my next seminar.

R: Are you wearing your wedding ring?

I know it's juvenile, but I took it off today. It's not as a sign that I'm through with anything. It's just a reminder right now.

R: The kids changed their mind about skating so you don't have to rush.

--today--

R: I love you.

I love you too. It's a better morning today.

R: Thank you. And not just for that, but for everything.

You don't need to thank me.


------//

Through all of this, we have continue to have sex... Strange as it seems. My hurt is less about the physical nature of the relationship and more about the deceit. I think my years of wanting the physical part for her takes that edge off, albeit not completely. I can't imagine how a "normal" husband would handle this.

The second night after knowing was more intimate, although still with tears when she answered yes when I asked if he came in her.

Last night was one step better. I asked her what the lollipop reference was with him while we kissed and if she gave him a blowjob. She said yes and I asked if she swallowed and she answered truthfully yes. She asked if I wanted one and started to lick and suck me.

It may have been too soon, or maybe her asking came across as too "you get one because he had one." I pulled her back up to me and we made love the old fashioned way.

She probably won't be entirely comfortable with me putting this out there, but it's really my only form of therapy, and I have a little goodwill built up.

She had said she is done with this HW thing, but I told her not to rule anything out. We agreed that however we move forward, it will be together. I still have some doubts, but hopefully they will fade over time as we rebuild our trust.




Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Don't Anyone Panic

I can't explain it now, but we're too strong for this to be a long term problem. A good night in front of the fire.

Perception is Everything

Home from work. Downtown on my way to work, I drove by the spot where I usually pick her up from work. It turns out, it is was the same spot he would pick her up for their "outings". They had sex in the parkade of another.

In the past, Rebecca and I had drinks in a bar of one of major hotels in town. She had told me back then that her and G had met for drinks and flirted here in the past. I used to drive by and smile at the thought. It's funny how the same action can yield two different results.

It became the hotel where they first shared a room. It could have been different if she included me in her thoughts. Now I know this is where she kept her secrets. It's their hotel now. I'll have to avoid it in the foreseeable future.

Hopefully the mellow drama will stop coming to mind.


Today

Note: thanks for your comments/thoughts and emails. I'm dumping my thoughts on here, not because I want a dialogue with anyone, I just need to vent, and I have no one to talk to. Feel free to comment, I just won't be responding. Thanks for your understanding.


Tuesday

Today

I go through thoughts of wanting to leave. Then I think if I did, she would go back to him. That shouldn't be a reason to stay.

I want to leave her to punish her. I think it's not a good enough reason.

I think of when they were together and wonder what I was doing at the time.

She stopped wanting to go out for drinks with him even with my encouragement. She started seeing him without my knowledge, even though she could have seen him with me knowing. Why? Who does that? Was it too weird that I knew, or would have known? Was it more "normal" for her to haves an affair behind my back? Still feeling like a fool for lots of things.

I told other people I chatted with online that she dates but there's nothing going on sexually because she tells me everything. I said she's not interested in sex with other men because SHE TOLD ME AND I BELIEVED HER. I was so confident that I knew her.

Nights are better. Mornings are bad.

How long would this have gone on? Until she left me for him. Like other women I have known, she denied it right up until the point of being faced with overwhelming evidence. Like a common criminal, or a five year old.

The day gets worse. I took off my ring again today in a silent kind of protest.


It's 8:30, the kids are at school. I have to get motivated to get to work. I'm already drained.

Maybe I need some time away.

I am sure that at times with him she must have thought about leaving me.

I think she hid this to keep the illusion that she was a loving wife and "good" girl. She couldn't accept that it's okay to get turned on, etc. to the point where it became a huge lie. She would ignore then hide any thought or discussion about sex with another man, then she would go out and get fucked by him.

All the pictures she ever sent me were for him first. I would tell her she should send them to him. She would lie and say she's not comfortable doing that, when, in reality, I was the afterthought.
To be honest, I wouldn't have minded her sending them to me after. "look what I sent G" would have worked wonders. Instead she lied to make me feel special. That's what kills me.

It just hit me that I'm sure he saw her boudoir pics. I offered to her that she should show him. She said she couldn't because they were for me. Another lie, I'm sure.

She says she has loved/loves only me. That she doesn't want to lose everything.

I was so sure of her.

It isn't the sex, I relished the thought of it. It's the fact that we have been living this lie for the last year at least. That she intentionally hid it from me.

She still hasn't given me a reason for hiding it. I can guess the reasons, but if she can't tell me or talk about it, we're no better off than when she was having the affair.

Nothing to lose now.

It's 10am. I need to go to work.

All the times we were together. Vegas, Florida, wine country. She was emailing him continuously. All she had to do was tell me.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Where to

I discovered last night that Rebecca has had a secret email account she has been using to communicate with G. Over the last year at least, they have been meeting, emailing and professing their feelings for each other. They never used the word love, but it's pretty evident.

She has been meeting him without my knowledge and sleeping with him. She denied it up until she had no choice but admit it.

I opened this door myself. I thought we could walk through it together, but she left me behind. She says she doesn't love him, but I can no longer trust her word. She knew I had no problem with the physical part. She hid it because of the emotional part.

A warning for all of you out there. I thought I had the most honest, loving wife. I didn't. I thought she was different. She wasn't. No one ever really knows someone. We were perfect or so I thought.

I'll be wrapping this blog up now. When you go back and read the entries, remember I was a fool.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween

The kids are in bed and Rebecca's glutes were sore from working out. I did my best to make her feel better. Happy Halloween..

Thursday, October 25, 2012

What is Sexy?

I just finished having lunch with Rebecca. We had met to do some banking and afterwards we stopped at a restaurant near my office.

This was a rare occasion when we were able to talk without being interrupted by our kids, so of course both V and G came up. She told me her email on her phone isn't working, so she hadn't heard from G lately. V had texted her to ask why he hadn't seen her in the gym. ( they have been on different schedules).

At one point, she asked me in a flirty tone what I thought made a woman sexy. I had to think for a moment. It's not something I've thought about in great detail. I mean, you know it when you experience it, but you don't usually think about it.

After some thought, there were two key points for me. The first quality was confidence. The second was the ability to push boundaries, her own as well as her partner's.

Rebecca is one of the most confident women I have ever known, so much so that her confidence might inhibit her from pushing the second part of the equation. But the times when she has pushed her boundaries have been some of the most erotic times I have experienced.

I asked her on the drive back the same question. Her response was similar. She listed confidence, (even cockiness) as the first quality. She qualified it saying there was a fine line between cocky and arrogant. Arrogance was a turn off for her. She went on to list intelligence as key for her, and that it had to be seen in the eyes. "Brightness" might be a better term.

Of course for any person to be sexy, there needs to be a physical attraction. I would venture to say that a person doesn't need to be a bombshell to be attractive. Sexy is a state of mind, especially, I find, as we get older. It's beyond skin deep.



Monday, October 22, 2012

Subtle

That word describes my Rebecca to a tee. Last Friday she seemed happier than usual, even for a Friday. It's difficult to put a finger on, but she was a little extra intimate in her flirtations with me.

I did put together, or rather she told me that G had been emailing her during the day and had asked her to go to lunch. She said she declined because it was too short of notice. I'm not sure if that was why she was extra happy, but like most husbands, I just like it when my wife is happy.

I might try to see if she wants to cash her rain check by going out for a drink with him this week, although he may be traveling.

We don't discuss the HW thing directly much any more, except in bed. We seem to have this daily innuendo happening where I don't push the conversation beyond a certain point. While it remains my number one fantasy, I keep from pushing my luck too much.




Monday, October 8, 2012

Vegas Recap

I'm laying in bed sick today, cold with a fever. I haven't posted any additional Vegas pics so I thought I would clean these off my phone.

This last week, she told me she showed V a picture of her and I from the trip, her in her dress. Apparently his comment was "damn!". He asked her to wear it to work.. We both found that one funny.

A couple of the pics are her on our bed checking her email before we headed down to the pool one morning. The other was her in a work skirt that she hiked up for my enjoyment.

She bought the boots on this trip.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Commando on the Strip

Moments ago. On the way to the Wynn.

Friday, September 21, 2012

Bright Light City

Sorry for the lack of updates, but there's not a ton to write about. Rebecca got home safe and sound last Sunday, bearing gifts. She enjoyed being over there, but was ready to come home.

Her next jaunt takes her to Vegas. She leaves Sunday night. This is one I wouldn't miss, so I'll be joining her mid week. She has this amazingly tight grey dress she will only wear down there, so I have that to look forward to. Monday, she is going to a show with a guy from her company. Again, nothing interesting, she has no attraction for him.

I'm just in cruise control now, having pretty much exhausted myself thinking about her as a hotwife over the last few weeks. I'm going to channel my energy into some more productive things for awhile, like playing in a poker tournament while I'm there. She likes to shop, so I'll kill a few hours on Friday while she hits the outlet.






Friday, September 7, 2012

Over There

Just a quick note (not to change subjects from below), but Rebecca heads off overseas with work tomorrow. She'll be gone for a little over a week.

It sounds like she'll have a busy schedule, but she'll also have a couple of days at the end of the trip to herself. I'll try to stay focused at home with work and the kids until then.

If you're somewhere in Europe and happen to notice a sexy woman in a cafe eating alone, feel free to strike up a conversation. Who knows? Maybe she'll tell you all about her crazy husband...


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Tuesday Night

Rebecca left around eight to go for a drink with G. I put the kids to bed not much later. I had left my cell phone in the car, so I thought I'd try to see how well the "find my iPhone" app worked.

It found my cell, and presumably in our car downtown near one of Rebecca's favorite lounges. I sent her an email to tell her my phone was in the car, so she would have to email me vs. text if she wanted to get ahold of me. She usually texts to say when she is heading home when she is out.

After a couple of hours at around 10:00 pm, I fired up the app and noticed my cell had moved to in front of G's house. At that point, my heart was in my throat. I thought maybe she was dropping him off, so I checked every once in awhile to see if it had moved. It stayed at his place for around forty minutes.

A million ideas flashed through my head as I wondered what she might be up to. It's hard to explain how it affected me, but I can honestly say I didn't have any negative thoughts. I will say, that once I knew she was parked at his house, I easily obsessive about checking to see when she would leave. Every time I confirmed she was still there, my heart would skip a beat. That feeling is where my addiction lies.

At about 10:40, I finally saw that she was heading home. It seemed to be a strange amount of time. Obviously she had gone inside, but in a short time like that, not much would have happened.

When she arrived home, I was pretty wound up, in a good way, wanting to reassert myself with her. She said they had gone for a drink, ( he had four) and while she was at the lounge, her monthly visitor arrived.

She said she dropped him off, downplaying the night. I mentioned that I noticed she had been there for around forty minutes or so. She just said that it didn't seem that long, and that he gave her a tour of his house.

It was all very anticlimactic. She said he never tried anything, that "it's not like that". Still, I wonder though where those forty minutes went. She knows she doesn't need to hide anything, and I do my best to downplay my interest in the specifics.

For something as boring as it might be in reality, there are some excruciating moments. There is also one main paradox to all this. The days she goes out she is extremely intimate with me. We have always been a touchy feely couple, but it's like it gets amplified on those days. It's impossible to explain, but easy to enjoy.


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Back to the Routine

The kids had their first day of school, so we're back in the routine. On that note, we were working in the back yard yesterday and Rebecca mentioned she had an email from G. He's back from an overseas trip, where his wife and kids are staying for another week or so.

Rebecca remarked kind of offhandedly that he said in the email that he mentioned they should go for a drink this week. I replied just as casually that it's fine with me and left it at that.

She brought it up again on our drive in to work, asking what day would work. I said that any day would, especially if it was after the kids went to bed.

She was concerned, saying she didn't want to be our too late during the week, so earlier would be better. I said if that's the case, dinner and drinks would make more sense. It struck me at the time how casually we were discussing my wife going on a date with another man.

Around 10:30, she texted me,
"Would tonight work for a drink?" I replied saying I was busy and she should find someone else to go with.
I think she gets my sense of humor, but I haven't heard back.

Even this morning, I noticed an extra bit of pep in her step. I think that's what I enjoy about this the most. I like to see her happy.


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Correction..

After Rebecca read my last post, she said there was a correction to make. It turns out her friend was the one who was asked by another friend about the threesome. It wasn't an invitation to Rebecca. I guess it still shows how common the thought is though.

To respond to the anonymous comment/questions below, I don't think it changes anything in Rebecca's mind about monogamy. She is a strong woman, and although not necessarily set in her ways, she'll always come to her own conclusions.

As to what my preference would be, threesome or her out on her own, I don't have one, or rather, I go back and forth on what it would be. The important thing for me (and us) is that we experience the erotic nature of it together. That could happen in person, or with her recounting her excitement afterwards. I think the latter may be more difficult for her to do, since even with her limited dating experience, she tends to gloss over details I find exciting, since they make her uncomfortable. A threesome would eliminate the need for her to recount her experience afterwards, but it's a bit of a moot point.

I have found recently she has enjoyed the "implication" that she is enjoying two of us while we have sex. For example, last night she was right on the edge of cumming, and she warned me her orgasm was imminent. I stopped thrusting, and simply offered her two of my fingers to nibble on. She immediately took them into her mouth, sucking. I began to say, "suck my fingers like a cock," but before I could finish she came. It's hard to say whether that is what pushed her over the edge, or whether she was already going over.

She would deny it was the idea that she had another cock in her mouth. She likes to say it is the sound of my voice that does it for her. Maybe next time, I'll try singing to her instead..

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Neighbors and Monogamy

We had our neighbor, M (no, not the stalker) over for drinks and then an impromptu supper last night. She's married, and her husband was at the football game, so she came over, drink in hand and ended up staying for supper.

We were discussing a mainstream article Rebecca had read, written by a woman who had been a mistress to several men over the years.

Our neighbor surprised both of us by saying that monogamy might be over rated. Her exact words were, "it's tough. It's a long haul."

This morning, Rebecca went cycling with a married friend of hers who commented on their ride that her and her husband had briefly discussed a menage a trois. Her friend had jokingly said the only person who came to mind was Rebecca. They both laughed it off and changed the subject.

That's fortunate because her husband isn't exactly the most attractive man in the world. I immediately thought of princess Leia chained to Jabba the Hutt. Great if you're Jabba. Sucks if you're Leia.

We must be at the age where people start thinking about swinging because it seems to be coming up more often in casual conversation. I still believe it would work best if only the wife does it, and shares her experience with the husband either through a threesome (in person), or by recounting the action afterwards for her husbands benefit.

The idea of "full swinging" is a good concept, but I think that in our case anyway, I would be the one who would actually enjoy her "enjoying" someone else. I know she would not be happy to see me having a great time with another woman. Actually, she would be pissed.. That may be one of the reasons why she can't understand why I would be cool with it.





Friday, August 17, 2012

Back to Reality

The kids have been away at their grandparents this last week, so it has been pretty quiet around the house. It was nice for a few days to come home to a clean house, but I think Rebecca and I are ready to see them again. We miss the chaos.

To celebrate our last night of freedom, we went out for dinner with some friends. Our action in bed has been hampered a little because of the timing of her monthly visitor, but last night he was gone.

Without the kids here, she has been sleeping topless, so she came to bed that way last night. I didn't waste much time taking her underwear off. I found her to be very wet, probably the result of her week off. She had broken my drought partway through last week with a very nice blowjob, but I digress.

It didn't take me long to slip fully inside her, and I pumped her quite slowly, with full, long strokes. I wanted to maintain control over the act, so I would occasionally lift her and turn her to vary our position. At one point, as she often does, she asked if she could get on top of me. I answered by saying "not yet", and kept pumping her.

We started missionary, then I lifted both of her legs up so her knees were up by her chest. After going as deep as I could, I sat up on my knees and straightened her legs, then held her ankles apart as I pumped.

I was trying to give my cock the chance to touch every wall inside her, to see how she reacted to each stroke. While her legs were in the air, I rotated her legs to the side, straddled one of them and kept pumping. Finally, we completed the rotation and ended up "style a la doggie".

Eventually, I pulled her on top of me and she assumed her usual cowgirl finishing position.

I took this moment to mention to her that I had watched a video the other day of a white woman riding a black guy with a really large cock.

I said, "She was sitting on him like you are now, but the only difference was he was as deep as he could get, and he still had 4 or 5 inches outside of her."

I was prepared to keep describing it to her, but she took me by surprise by orgasming hard just as I finished that sentence. When I felt her cum, and I realized what had helped her get off, I came deep inside her.

It's nice to touch on a fantasy every now and then.



Thursday, August 9, 2012

Times Like These

I'm sitting on the couch watching a movie. Rebecca is curled up on my lap, still in her work dress. I love that this is my time. Her face is so relaxed as she sleeps. I'm not sure how she does it, but she's more beautiful now than she was 20 years ago. She just twitched in her sleep...

I'd love to take a pic, but on second thought, this is my time.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

New Shoes and Squat-Thrusts

As an update to her crotchless day, she did trade emails with G, but the opening never came for her to divulge her secret to him. Today she's off to work in another hot skirt and these shoes. She has tiny (size 5) feet, and I love when she wears heels like these.

Rebecca went to the gym at her office after work yesterday. There she ran into both V and M. We have an ongoing joke about her doing "squat-thrusts" at the gym. I'm not even sure what they are, but they sound hot. When I asked her if that was part of her routine, she said they were but she had to be careful when she did them because of V and M being nearby.

She has a lunch date with G for later this week. I said she should go for drinks since we have time in the evenings now. She said he is too busy, maybe in September when his wife has a trip scheduled. We'll see.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Drop Off

Just a quick note to mention I dropped Rebecca off at work this morning. She was wearing a very hot work skirt. She complained a little about wearing the crotchless panties, but wore them anyway. As I dropped her off, I told her that part two of this outfit choice is that she has to somehow tell G she is crotchless. There was surprisingly little pushback with that suggestion.

Real Taboo

I gave Rebecca a little rub down when we went to bed last night. Her shoulder is sore from some equipment she used to work out with on her last work trip. It sounds like a rotator cuff issue, but she likes it massaged.

I assumed my role of her masseur, making small talk while I massaged her. She was naked on the bed, laying partially on her side. I straddled her left leg, resting my hardening cock between her thighs as I oiled her shoulder.

As per our usual fantasy, I asked her if she was comfortable with my cock where it was. She would say yes, and I would slowly inch forward until I was partially inside her.

Eventually, I was fully engulfed by her pussy. I commented on how good her married pussy felt and I asked if she was okay if I pumped her a little.

After a few pumps, I asked if she was okay with me continuing even though I hadn't had "the snip", indicating I was very potent. Her reply was that she was at a safe time of the month.

As I pumped her, I could feel the occasional spasm in my cock. I told her it's too bad she isn't at the dangerous time of the month. I whispered in her ear that she needs to come back to see me when she is ovulating, so I could fill her then.

At this point, we gave up any pretense of a massage. She rolled completely onto her back and I bottomed out inside her. As I pumped her I whispered to her how I wanted to fill her fertile "married" pussy.

I could feel her back off just a little emotionally. I think the fantasy was getting a bit too much. Oddly, I could also feel her getting closer to her climax. I whispered in her ear that if she came on my cock, that would show she wanted my cum in her fertile pussy. She hesitated for a split second, then pulled me in and ground against me. I whispered, "Don't cum, or I'll shoot deep into your married pussy."

It was too late. She went over the edge, pulling me with her.



Monday, August 6, 2012

When the Kids are Away..

We dropped the kids at my parents today to stay for the week. On the drive home, Rebecca and I agreed that she will follow my suggestions this week. I suggested the idea to her after seeing she has started reading the last book in the 50 Shades series.

I think it will be fun. I'm not hard-core, but it will be interesting to see how well she takes direction. I gave her a "safe" word just in case I get into it a little too much. I can tell you she'll be going to work tomorrow in her crotchless panties. She's also going to have to let G know what she's wearing at some point, preferably over drinks.

Her and I can have a recap later this week and talk about what she did and didn't like. I had a thought the other day that everyone likes their boundaries to be pushed a little. This way she can enjoy it and blame me afterwards. Wish us luck.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A New Shower

We're on our second little holiday of the summer, and we're staying in an older renovated farmhouse. The shower is in a freestanding tub with a shower curtain which makes it a lot smaller than we're used to. This is a shot of Rebecca showering this morning..

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

FFG

I'm sure everyone gets tired of reading about how good the sex is, but last night was amazing. Rebecca was finishing the second book in the "50 Shades" trilogy, while I tried to stay amused.

She was wearing her boy-shorts, do I slipped then off as she read. She spread her legs a little so I had a great view of her. If course she isn't one to allow me to post a close up picture of her, so I thought I would take a shot at describing her.

First of all, she used to wax, so at times she is completely bare except for a little tuft. Around six months ago, she tried a laser removal place, and she has been going since. Contrary to what you might expect, a permanent laser solution takes several treatments. Hair will start to grow back in a few days.

With waxing, hair takes a bit longer to grow back, and it's very smooth while it's gone. The key difference between waxing and laser is you can shave in between laser appointments. Shaving in between waxes results in ingrown hairs.

Rebecca's laser appointments and shaving keeps her very trim down there. Her "tuft" has been gradually getting smaller and smaller. We were discussing the other day how she used
to barely trim at all. I enjoyed it either way, but I prefer her current "bareness".

There's more to it than that, but I've been picking at this post for a couple of days now, so I think I'll post and move on.

We're leaving in the morning on our second and last holiday of the summer. We're meeting up with Rebecca's friend L and her family. Maybe I'll have to convince L's husband that we should stay with the kids while the girls go out. With any luck, they'll pick right up where they left off in Vegas. ( check out Dec, 2010 for a refresher.)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Back

I picked up Rebecca from the airport last night around 8:30. Her work trip went well, although she finally had to get tough with M, the work colleague who has developed an unhealthy crush on her.

She told him in no uncertain terms that she is happily married, and that she has no attraction for him. As a primer, for those who haven't read some of the earlier "M" history, he's married, 15 years older, and she has no attraction for him.

She works in the same company as him, and while they are in different departments, they have a lot of interaction, including a long work trip this past winter. Although nothing happened, he fell for her. Who can blame him? She's very nice to everyone, and he seems to have misunderstood that fact.

From my perspective, I get my thrill when she shows some attraction for another man. With M, it's a bit of a kill joy because we both find it just a bit weird.

Now, with G. I can tell she is attracted to him, and maybe that's why she has kept herself "in check", even with my encouragement.

On this past trip with M, she said she very bluntly told him that she is not going to sleep with him. His reply was that he would be happy "just cuddling" with her. Who says that? Her response to him, which gives me some hope for her, was that cuddling is "even worse". She was implying that purely physical sex is less of a betrayal. That's my girl!

As for us, we were able to get enjoy each other last night, making love during a summer thunderstorm. It was quite erotic to have nature working herself up around us as we built up steam.

It had been awhile, three or four days for those keeping track, since we had sex so I was out of game shape. I came before she could reach her peak, so I did something I have only occasionally done, and went down on her after.

I was pretty tentative at first, spending more time at the upper part of her pussy and clitoris. As we both got into it, I explored the rest of her. I reached into her with my fingers, massaging her familiar g-spot as I kept licking her with my tongue.

At one point, I was sucking her entire clit and hood into my mouth, letting it slide in and out under the negative pressure.

When Rebecca gets this far along, I tend to add a finger or two as she seems to like the slight stretching sensation. I slowly expanded and contracted my four fingers inside her as she got closer to the edge, all the while massaging her g-spot with my index and middle fingers.

I have to say, I love being this close to her when she orgasms. Her entire vagina started to spasm and grip my hand. I clamped my mouth over her clitoris and sucked as she rode out the waves right there in front of me.

When she came down, I was hard again, so I climbed back on top of her and pumped her quickly half a dozen times before cumming a second time, this time on her belly.

Epilogue
This morning we showered together, and she shaved her pussy while I watched. She is between laser appointments, in maintenance mode, so she needed to get it done. She did a superb job, removing almost everything, except for a very tiny tuft. I wish I could share what it looked like, because it's one of the sexiest sights there is, but I don't think she's ready for that.




Monday, July 9, 2012

Vacation Morning

Rebecca and I were just laying in bed this morning, planning the day. We have a busy day ahead. Too bad.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Vacation

Rebecca and I slipped out for dinner, leaving the kids with my parents. It's hot down here, so she elected to go without her panties. The dress is new too. She just taught the bartender how to make a mojito with tonic instead of soda.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Drunken Confession

Rebecca and I were at a wine tasting last night with L, her husband and a number of her extended family. We had a great time, sampling several wines from a region we will visiting with L and J soon. ( in three weeks)

Afterwards, we stopped by a friend's house to pick up the kids, and stayed for a glass of wine.

Rebecca is a bit of a lightweight when it comes to her alcohol, so she was feeling "drunk". Rebecca jokingly says it like her mother,with an eastern European accent, rolling her "r"s.

She came to bed in only a pair of panties, so I quickly pounced on her and pulled them off. We started making love slowly and I thought it was a good time to fully confess my fantasy to her.

I don't think I've never explicitly told Rebecca my thoughts. I usually try to sugarcoat them in a story, and subsequently back peddle a little to stay in her comfort range. I can actually tell when I've gone a little too far because I can see her back off an approaching orgasm.

As I pumped her slowly, I told her that since she was drunk and could use it as an excuse to not acknowledge my confession, I wasn't going to hold back.

I told her in no uncertain terms my fantasy of seeing her "get fucked" by another man. I told her I wanted her to look at me so I could see the pleasure in her eyes while he pumped her.

I confessed that all of my fantasies revolve around seeing her filled by another man, seeing her to cum on his cock.

Maybe it was the wine, but we quickly got past the point where she reacted uncomfortably. I don't know what she was thinking, but she started to respond to my cock sliding in and out of her. I know her well enough that I know she wasn't becoming a sudden hotwife convert, but for me to be able to blurt out the details of some of my deepest fantasies, and not turn her off was interesting to say the least.

There was a point where she was grinding hard against me, a point when I wasn't describing how hard and deep she would get fucked. Her eyes were closed, and I wondered if maybe she was thinking of who she might want that cock to be. We both came pretty hard last night.

She's still asleep, naked in our bed. I can't seem to sleep much past 6:30 these days, so I got up. Before I got up though, I spooned with my sexy wife, drinking in her smell and warmth. I can't describe how she smells, but I am definitely hooked on whatever pheromones she's putting out. It's funny how I can't describe it, but I can recognize her scent anywhere.

We're heading on a vacation on Monday, so we'll have our hands full with the kids at Disney World. She texted me yesterday to let me know she sbought "50 Shades" for the plane ride.

I'm going to try to give the fantasy a rest for awhile, although I'm already picturing Rebecca in a sundress, getting looks as we walk through the park.








Thursday, June 21, 2012

Twice

Yesterday Rebecca texted me "want some action tonight?". I took that as a good indication her monthly visitor had left. I texted back that of course I would, but I don't want to schedule it.

We flirted the rest of the day. When we got home after work, the house was empty because the kids were playing over at a neighbors. When we went upstairs to change, she took off her skirt and laid down on our bed, seemingly inviting me on top of her.

By the time I removed her red panties, I was hard. I didn't waste guiding the head of my cock between her lips. She was already wet. This was, by all counts, a quickie. I came after a dozen or so strokes and flooded her pussy.

I had to go to an evening work function, but I told her not to get rid of all the evidence. I said we would continue this later, and I wanted her to keep some of me inside her until I got home. When I got off her, she laid there for awhile, and I watched as my cum already started to leak from her. It was quite sexy to see it flow out the bottom part of her lips, down to her ass.

I went to the work reception, but had my mind on her the whole time. I wasn't too late getting home. In fact, I was even able to help get the kids to bed.

We got ready for bed ourselves, and I watched as she came to bed in only her panties. I kissed her stomach.

"Your husband is a lucky man."

"Why?", she asked.

"Because you're a beautiful woman." I reached under her ass and massaged it as I kissed her stomach and her breasts. Her nipples started to stiffen.

"Do you mind if I take these off?" I asked and touched her panty line.

"No." she responded, so I pulled them down. I was hard for the second time that night, but this time I was going to play it as another man.

"Do you mind if I put this here?" I asked and placed the head of my cock
against her opening.

"No." she replied. I pushed into her. After a couple of thrusts, I was fully inside her.

"When was the last time you had sex?" I asked.

"Today." She moaned a little as she answered.

"With who?" I continued with the questions.

"My husband." She answered as my cock hit her cervix for the first time.

"Where did he cum?" I asked.

"Inside me." was her reply. I continued to pump her. Longer strokes.

I whispered in her ear as I slid in and out.

"Did you know the head of a cock is shaped like it is in order to remove competing sperm from a woman's pussy?

"Really?" she asked, genuinely surprised.

"That's the theory." I told her, still pumping. "So the more I pump you now, the more of your husband's semen I take out of you."

Her next question almost pushed me over the edge.

"Where do you want to cum?" she asked.

"Deep inside you." I replied.

"Can I sit on you?" she asked. I rolled onto my back and held my cock in the air as she sat back down on me.

She started rocking, and I reached up to touch her breasts and her amazing, hard nipples.

Another surprise. As I caressed her breasts, she bent her head down and opened her mouth. She was still inches from my finger, but she looked like she desperately wanted to suck it. She took it into her mouth like a cock, and I had visions of her sucking her husband's cock while she rode me.

I'm not sure if she had the same thought, but soon afterwards she asked, "Can I cum?" She didn't wait for my approval as her whole torso spasmed on me. When I felt that, I followed suit, shooting deep inside her.

Afterwards, she just laid on top of me, and we continued our conversation as husband and wife. I caressed her back and bum, reassuring her that she is mine.




Saturday, June 16, 2012

Back from a Run

I went for a run this morning before anyone else was awake. When I came in the door, I could hear Rebecca and the kids laughing upstairs. I probably could have tweeted this, but it's a nice sound to come home to.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Massage Night

Rebecca was at the gym this week and worked on her legs, glutes and lower back. She has a working theory that your soreness peaks two days after a workout. Last night was day two, so I was up to bat.

After being interrupted several times by the kids, I was able to settle in and get to work. I asked her if it was okay if I took a few pics. She obliged. I did tell her she had ultimate veto power on anything I posted. This was my view last night. We'll see if she vetoes it.

(sorry, she wasn't a fan of the pic. It has been vetoed.) I'll work on a replacement she's happy with.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Monday Night

Yesterday as we made supper, Rebecca and I talked about our respective days, each relatively uneventful. She had a couple of emails from G, but nothing major on that front. It had been his birthday the weekend before, and it turns out his wife was the one who had too much to drink while they were out for his birthday dinner. Rebecca and I talked about G and his wife and how they seem to be moving even further apart. It doesn't help that he travels four or five days a week. Rebecca has basically become his vent, where he can complain about his wife without worry. I'm not sure if it helps his perspective on marriage by seeing through Rebecca how a good marriage works.

I suspect he believes his wife is to blame, which causes him to work more. His long work hours probably only exacerbate the stress on their marriage and make her even more unhappy. It's a vicious circle.

On the flip side, I can't wait to be with Rebecca. I enjoy making dinner with her and planning our vacations. Every day we share at least two or three long hugs, often in front of the kids. It probably sounds lame but I honestly believe our day to day physical/ non sexual contact helps to make our marriage strong. You can't have an amazing, mind numbing sex life if the rest of the equation isn't there first.

On the topic of mind numbing, last night was one of those times. It's hard to believe that after fifteen years of being married, I may have just had the best sexual experience of my life.

As we often do, we took a bath together after the kids went to bed. We chatted more about the day, and read our books like an old married couple.

I had an idea for after we got out and dried off, so I told Rebecca to stay naked. When we got to the bedroom, I played a song from our early days of dating and we slow danced together naked. As the song played, I opened a bottle of massage oil I had nearby and dripped some over her back and ass.

We kissed for awhile, then I turned her around so she faced away from me with her body pressed against me. I applied more oil, this time to her breasts and stomach and we kept dancing as I gently massaged her. Her nipples were extremely hard and I could see her oiled breasts from over her shoulder as I kissed her neck.

When the song finished, we moved to the bed and she laid down on her back. She was quite wet, so I was able to enter her even though I wasn't completely hard. ( must be over 40) That changed quick enough, and I was soon pumping her steadily. After awhile I told her how great the view was. Her oily breasts shook each time I thrust inside her. When I commented on the view, she responded by asking if I would like to see the view from behind her.

I do love to see her on all fours, so she turned over and offered me her pussy with her ass up in the air. I reentered her and soon I could feel my balls slapping her pussy as I pumped her.

I thought it would be nice to be looking at her oiled ass, so I poured more oil onto her and kept pumping. I knew I had to pace myself, so I pulled out and rested my cock along the crack of her ass.

She kept grinding her ass against me so I reciprocated by sliding my shaft along her tight opening. Every so often, I would pull back and enter her pussy and pump her again.

I poured more oil and let run down her back, between her ass cheeks and over her ass. While I definitely enjoy the feeling of her pussy around my cock, I was really enjoying the feeling of sliding my shaft along her ass. Eventually, I was spending most of my time there, with Rebecca on all fours pushing her ass against me.

At one point, I slid my cock down to the point where my head was positioned at her opening. That's when she surprised me by continuing to rock her hips and push her tight ass against my cock. In the past, when we have attempted this, I have pushed things too quickly, to the point of her having to stop from the pain. I decided last night that I was going to let her control the pace. To be honest, it was very sexy to have my conservative wife on her hands and knees pushing her ass against my hard cock.

She would rock for awhile, and I would hold my cock head against her opening. Every once in awhile, I ran my shaft between her ass cheeks to renew my erection, then place the head of my cock at her anal opening again. At one point we weren't making headway, and I realized I was pressed against that dimple above her ass (rookie error). I adjusted and was rewarded to feel the tip of my cock start to enter her.

She has never been one to enjoy anal sex, but she kept rocking her hips, pushing back against my hard cock. I maintained the application of oil, allowing it to run down between her ass cheeks. This time however it ran around my cock head pressed partially inside my wife. She kept pushing against me, and each backward movement caused her tight ass to stretch around me, taking me slightly deeper and deeper.

I realized at one point after around 20 minutes of this that my cock head was inside her. It was then that I gently started to meet her pushes with my own thrusts. Eventually, I was completely buried in my wife's amazingly tight ass. She surprised me again by continuing to rock her ass back and forth, slowly milking my cock. I can't begin to describe the feeling. It was out of this world.

I wanted to see how much she was completely enjoying it, so I reached under her to touch her pussy. I was rewarded to find her pussy soaked. I traced her lips I swear I could feel a drop of her juice (or was it oil?) hanging from her swollen clit. I began rubbing it as I gently pumped her ass and she moaned her approval.

At that point, I was pumping her ass gently but firmly and she really seemed to be enjoying it. I traced her lips once again, and found the wet opening to her pussy. My cock deep in her ass caused her pussy opening to be quite compressed, but I was able to slip first one, then two fingers into her pussy. From the angle, my fingertips had no where to go but against her g-spot. Like her clitoris, it was swollen more than usual. I began to stroke it, and as I did, I could feel my cock sliding against the other side of my fingers separated only by a thin wall. I have seen double penetrations in porn, and I thought at the time this is how it must be like.

Rebecca was really getting into having both of her holes filled, and I knew she was getting close to cumming. I kept pumping her ass harder getting me close to the edge as well. When she came, it was hard. I had the unique experience of feeling her pussy spasming on my fingers while at the same time having her ass spasming on my cock. Needless to say that was enough to push me over the edge. I pushed deep and emptied myself into my wife.

It's hard to believe that I could have the best sexual experience of my life after all this time. I think what made it so amazing was the fact that we took a step beyond our normal routine, and that she was the instigator as much as I was. Here's hoping we can top it someday. It's a memory I'll keep for a long time.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Folding Laundry

One of the kids is sick today, so I volunteered to stay home. I knew Rebecca is behind at work, and I'm able to work somewhat from home, so it made sense.

I thought I'd fold our huge pile of clean laundry. I learned a couple of things. First, Rebecca's jeans are a size 2s, and secondly, it's impossible to fold her underwear.

Rebecca texted me to say that she almost had to go commando to work, because she was late for the bus and couldn't find any panties. For better or worse, the laundry is folded, so she'll have something to wear in the morning.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

The Wedding Hottie

I tweeted on our way to the wedding yesterday that I had asked Rebecca on our way what underwear she was wearing. Her reply was something to the effect of, "Nothing special. My black thong."

Over the thong, she had on a relatively short black skirt accompanied by her black stayups. I say "relatively" because her skirt was still very classy, almost conservative, except for the fact that I only had to slide it up a few inches before I saw the top of her stayups.

We met up with V and his date after the ceremony, and went for drinks until the reception started. V is in his late twenties, and we estimated his date to be pushing forty. He definitely has a thing for older women. Unfortunately, neither Rebecca nor I thought she was a catch. In my biased opinion, she was missing that certain something.

V and his date actually left quite early because she wasn't feeling well, so there's not much to write about in that respect. I'm not sure, but it probably didn't help that Rebecca was getting most of our attention at the table.

Once the music started, we were able to dance. It was quite hot to see Rebecca grinding and grooving to the music. I told her afterwards that I need to see her do that without the skirt on.

When we got home, we did have some pretty good action. I won't get into too many details, but she did seem to work hard to get me in as deep as possible. She usually finds it uncomfortable when I inadvertently bump into her cervix, but last night she actually made a point of angling her hips under me in order to make that happen. I was on top of her while she held my hips,and she literally used her cervix to repeatedly bump around my cock head. It felt amazing.

We're on the road today and were discussing "the fantasy". She maintains that people who go through with it can only "end bad", so in her mind, it would never happen. My opinion is it can end bad when a couple doesn't communicate with each other about how they feel as it unfolds.

She's not at a point where she could fathom having sex with someone she doesn't love. I'm sure at this point, she has had feelings of attraction for G particularly, but is too embarrassed to admit it, much less discuss it with me. That's fair enough, as my reaction in the past wouldn't exactly give her the confidence to do so. I'm just going to keep enjoying the woman she is, as well as the fact that I got to leave with the "wedding hottie".

Friday, May 25, 2012

A Long Weekend and a Short Week

Our long weekend was relatively uneventful as far as M was concerned. We managed to avoid him, while still enjoying the facility's hot tub. Action for us was limited for a couple of reasons. The first night, we were up in the loft of the condo unit, having ninja sex, when we heard my 70 year old dad roaming the kitchen and living room below. It took me back to when Rebecca and I had sex before we were married. There was a time her mom was snoring in the same room as us.

Rebecca's monthly visitor arrived on the second night, so things definitely calmed down. In fact, she wasn't comfortable going into the hot tub anymore, so it was up to me to take the kids. Grandma and Rebecca tagged along to watch. Coincidentally, there was a staggette or two going on at the same resort, so at one point, the women in the tub outnumbered the guys 5 to 1. I just looked at Rebecca and shrugged. Besides, I can honestly say Rebecca had all of them beat in the bikini department.

We arrived home Monday night, and have had a busy week at work, broken up by Tuesday when she gave me an amazing blowjob when we went to bed.

The week has been busy, hers coupled with the fact that M hasn't got the clue that she isn't at all interested. You would think that her ignoring his texts the previous weekend would have been a substantial hint.

Last night was the first night in a few days that we were able to have some time to ourselves. We made mojitos and chatted.

On the G front, she said he's traveling for work, and will be spending the weekend on his own in NYC. We talked about our trip there several years ago. She said she would love to go back someday to shop on 5th, run in Central Park, and go out at night to a martini bar. The mojito gave me a little courage, so I asked her what his schedule would be, and if she was interested in flying out to meet him. Of course she laughed it off, and said the timing doesn't work. Besides, she said, she said she wanted to go there with me. I replied that we could both fly out, and she could surprise him.

Unfortunately, I knew that even if she wanted to, she couldn't. We have too many things on this weekend, including a wedding to attend. Her other admirer, V, will be at our table with his date, so it will be interesting to see how he acts in front of Rebecca and her.

We went to bed and she was feeling effects of the mojito and the lack of satisfaction during the week. She climbed into bed with only her panties on, which I quickly removed for her.

Our conversation about NY continued with me inside her. I told her we would go out to a club, with her wearing a tight skirt. I told her that at the club I would send her to the washroom to remove her panties. I was surprised when she said that it was NYC, and the people there had likely seen it all, so she would take them off at the table. It was very hot to think about her being watched as she pulled her panties off. I slid out, then back in and suggested she would have to give her underwear to an admirer of her choice.

I described to her how we would head to the dance floor and dance while her admirer looked on. I told her that as we danced, I would hold on to her and slowly slide her skirt up her hips. I had to control myself as I visualized her skirt just high enough to see the base of her ass as she danced.

She felt amazing grinding under me and again I felt brave, so I told her that as we danced, I'd watch as her panty recipient came up and danced behind her, replacing my hands with his on her hips. I explained that as she danced, she occasionally would lean forward and kiss me, causing her ass to bump against him.

I was getting close to cumming, but I couldn't stop. I described how she eventually stopped moving away, and instead ground her ass against him, kissing me while she felt his hard cock between her ass cheeks.

Well, that did it for me. I exploded inside her. Fortunately, she wasn't far behind. She came a second or two after I started pulsing...




















Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Things Just Got a Little Weirder

I forgot to post an update on what happened a couple of weeks ago when M and his wife came over for supper.

I guess there's not much to report. They came for supper, and stayed until around 2am. Around 1:00am, the subject of Rebecca's boudoir pictures came up, and with her permission, I grabbed the album.

I was sitting beside M's wife, so I went through the shots with her first. When we were done, Rebecca started going through them with M. I wasn't sure how far she would leaf through with him, but I didn't get the chance to find out. Part way through the book, while he was still in the tamer shots, his wife put the kibosh on it and said he shouldn't look at the rest, since it was making Rebecca uncomfortable. My take was that it was making his wife uncomfortable, and she shut him down. Of course, since then M hasn't stopped talking to Rebecca about it, wanting to see the rest...

Fast forward to today. Every year at this time, we take a weekend family trip with my parents (and sometimes my siblings and their families) to a nearby resort town. This year most of my family can't make it, aside from my parents and my brother and his wife.

Well, guess who told Rebecca who was booked into the same hotel? Yup, M and his wife. I guess the boudoir teaser was a bad idea after all. I think he's obsessed. I'm just not sure how he manages to stalk Rebecca with his wife in tow. (Just when you thought it couldn't get more complicated.) For those of you just tuning in, M is a relatively senior guy in her company, who, quite openly has the hots for Rebecca. She doesn't share those feelings.

I told her one day it will be interesting to see how she handles herself when she meets a guy she actually likes who pursues her this hard.

Oh well, the hot tub at the resort will be a happening place Saturday night.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Saturday Date Night (Epilogue)

Well, Rebecca did indeed go commando for our date night although it turns out she had something up her sleeve.

She led me to a bar we haven't been to in years to surprise me with my 40th birthday party. So, I was surrounded by family and friends for the evening, along with my pantiless wife.

Nothing crazy happened, but I did text one of my good friends in attendance that Rebecca was commando as she sat across from him. He's a great friend to both of us, and a bit of a player. He's never been married, so I thought I'd subtly let him know that things can still be exciting after you're married.

His response was "Nice!" We laughed at the fact that Rebecca had felt obligated to follow through with going commando, or risk giving away the surprise.

When we got home, she climbed into bed naked, but we actually didn't have action until this morning. We were both tired. Anyway, I've joined my beautiful wife on the downhill side of forty, and I'm looking forward to the next forty years with her.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Saturday Night Date

Tonight the kids are sleeping over at my sisters, so Rebecca booked a date night with me. We haven't decided exactly what we're going to do, but we discussed her wardrobe.

This morning, she was half asleep in our bed, wearing only a pair of panties. Knowing our date night is tonight, I was torn. I wanted her very bad, but at the same time, I wanted to hold off until tonight.

I proposed my solution to her as I entered her. "Don't let me cum until tonight." I said.

"Okay, we can stop." She replied.

I didn't want that.

"No, I want you to get selfish and enjoy yourself, but don't let me finish." She seemed to get a little wetter when I said that.

She reached down and started stroking her clit as I slowly pumped. She doesn't do that often, and I love the feeling of her lips moving around my cock as she touches herself.

Ironically, her fingers on her swollen pussy are there to make her cum quicker, but they have the same effect on me. It's like she's masturbating both of us.

I manage to slow things down, while still allowing her to climb closer to the edge.

"What are you going to wear tonight?", I ask.

"What would you like me to wear?" she countered.

"Black stayups." I didn't skip a beat.

"Which dress?" she asked. I wasn't sure. I wanted something short because I had another request in the back of my mind. My hesitation allowed her to suggest something.

"How about the black and white one?" she said. It was the one she wore last week when she took that quick picture and emailed it. "And maybe the purple top." she added.

"I have one more request." I said. She kept teasing her clit. I stayed on the edge. "I want you to go commando."

"Mmm okay." was her response. I kept pumping slowly. I could tell she was getting close. I could also tell I was leaking into her as well. I never get this close for this long without producing some of the clear liquid.

I had one more request. I whispered it into her ear.

"Let's go out for a drink so I can see you stand at the bar. I want to watch you talk to a man, knowing your pussy is bare under your skirt." she was getting closer.

"When you've had enough conversation, come over to me and whisper in my ear how wet you are."

She came then and I felt that amazing clench of her pussy around my cock. I was teetering on the edge. I pulled out, still very hard.

Eventually, we went and showered and I softened. I feel sexually energized...looking forward to our date. I'm reposting the pic from last week to remind everyone what she will (and won't) be wearing tonight.