Tuesday, June 20, 2017

The 1%

Well, I have to say, I'm becoming slightly more seasoned at this. For those who don't know our morning schedule, Rebecca goes into work early (for sixish) so she can come home early for when the kids come home from school. I get up with the kids and get them off to school, then typically work later.

One morning last week, I got up as usual, ready to shower when R texted me from her work cell, saying she had left her personal cell at home and that she was going to come get it. Coming back home is no easy feat as she busses to work, so she'd burn up an hour of the day coming to get it. I told  her not to bother, but she insisted, saying she needed it for her workout music. She was planning to go to the gym later that morning.

I found that a bit hard to believe, so like any inquisitive husband, I decided to take a look on her phone. I knew she had used an app to text with J, the guy from work since she told me so several weeks prior. I went to the app and found a text string where they had chatted a couple days before. He was out of town, so he probably had more time than usual.

In the texts, they flirted heavily, including references to trying out several types of beds. They used a few pet names with each other and she commented how she was craving him. Unless you've been in this situation before, it's really hard to describe the feelings I experienced. Most "normal" people would describe their feelings as "betrayed" etc. I admit it was still gut wrenching to read those texts, knowing she has been downplaying their relationship.

At the same time my stomach flip-flopped, my hand casually touched my cock (remember I was getting ready to shower). I don't know what it was, but the the combination of that angst and reading her flirtatious comments made me cum almost spontaneously. I surprised myself and had to rush naked to the toilet as my cock started shooting uncontrollably. I managed to have most of it hit the toilet bowl, so I only had a little to clean up.

When I came to my senses, I immediately took pictures of the screen with my phone and put it back where I found it. The last time this happened (with G) I reacted strongly and negatively. This time I had experience working for me. I wasn't sure how I was going to broach the subject, but I knew I preferred she was the one to tell me.

I managed to keep it to myself for the rest of the week until Friday night where I asked how things were with J. She gave her usual response, same old boring stuff. To give her credit, she does fill me in on when they meet, but she has only told me the boring parts; conversations about work, etc. This I have read is a tactic of someone having an affair. That is, you tell 99% of the info, but omit the 1% that is incriminating.

I have reassured her over the last year and a bit that I am cool with whatever she does as long as she can tell me about it. For the rest of the week I did my best to let her know that it was okay if things had escalated as long as she could tell me about it. Just like before, she was able to hold her cards close. Finally, on Friday night, I gave her the ultimate hint that something was up. I told her to pretend for a moment that I had actually opened her phone that day and read through her texts with him. Even under that pressure she refused to let me in.

At this point, I was pretty confused to the point that if I hadn't saved those pictures of her texts, I'd be questioning my sanity.

There are four lights!

This of course made me pretty irritable over the next day or so. If I hadn't been through it before with her and G, I'd be extremely worried about if she was planning to leave me. When you lose communication with your wife like this, it makes you question where you sit as a husband.

I tried to rationalize why she wasn't able to tell me about this development and it festered in me. It's easy to say that complete honesty is the goal, and while it is the ultimate destination, it's not a switch you can turn on. The road is a lot more difficult than than you'd think.  

The important point I wanted to make with Rebecca, unlike how I reacted with G several years ago, was that I'm cool with anything they do, and almost everything they say. ( "I love you" would be a difficult one)

Rebecca had once again become dishonest by way of omission. That is, she would always tell me when they met, and most of what they talked about. She would leave out the parts that made her uncomfortable. I think a part of her still had a hard time admitting to me (and maybe to herself) that she was attracted to and had feelings for another guy.

We eventually hashed a lot of things out on Father's Day. I explained to her that the things she said in her texts (calling him hot, saying she craved him, etc) didn't make me mad. She just needs to share it with me. She opened up a bit more and admitted they've kissed/made out in the parkade at work. I think she was surprised when, after she told me, I put her hand on my hard cock.

We've agreed that she'll be more transparent with me. She joked and said that 99% of what they talk about is day to day and mundane. I said "then concentrate on remembering the 1%. "

After we hashed things out, we snuck upstairs and had some great morning sex. It's hard to believe we're coming up on 20 years of being married and I can still want her this badly. She ended up riding me to a great orgasm. I made a point of watching her face as she came, her eyes closed. 

The rest of Father's Day was fun. We spent time as a family, with her and I in a constant state of connection. 

It's been a few days and she's been good about staying true to her word. She's been sending me screenshots of their text conversations. Nothing too crazy yet, but it'll be a good test once there is. 

Aside from that, Rebecca and I are heading to wine country in a week to spend some quality time sans kids. Soon after we get back, she's off on a girls backpack trip. Right after that, she's been invited out to a beer tent festival event with J. That one  has the potential to be a late night.