Thursday, March 29, 2012

Yet Another Lunch

On our drive home from work yesterday, Rebecca told me she had lunch again with G. I think she felt like she had to tell me as it didn't come up naturally in our conversation. I'm glad she did tell me though. In that same spirit I told her that for whatever reason, it made me feel uncomfortable.

I'm beyond the "uncomfortable" which used to be a turn on for me. I realized yesterday that this is is a guy who somehow has turned into one of her better friends. That alone wouldn't bother me, but couple that with the way this friendship has evolved as well as the fact that I have still never met him, and it makes me feel uneasy.

Months ago, I thought by letting her do things on her own, and not feeling obligated to include me, she would be more comfortable to let her hair down. I've realized now that our entire marriage has been about us doing things together. I want to keep it that way.

Everything/ everyone since G has been experienced by us as a couple, and it's time we took a step back to her and I. This may never lead to us experiencing the eroticism of her as a hotwife, but I'm fine with that. I find the fantasy to be very intoxicating, almost addictive, but we have an amazing life as it is, and I'm not ready to take a chance with it.

When she reads this, she'll tell me I'm crazy, and that she has never wanted anything more from their relationship. I'm sure it's true, but he has quietly turned this into a friendship, one that excludes me.

One last thought. I don't want to be friends with G; I'm not friends with all of Rebecca's friends. It's just that I usually have a choice.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The Posse

Rebecca and I were discussing her men tonight, oddly enough, in front of and with her mother who is helping with the kids this week. We were really only discussing her "pursuers", and it turns out her mother had her share of men after her as well.

This is the current list of Rebecca's "pursuers".

G: Married. G is by far her favorite. he is the one she has seen the most, and who I have never seen. They get along very well, which of course leads to my worry of losing her. The fact that I've never met, or even laid eyes on a picture of him leads me to believe he's either horrible looking, or she wants to keep him away from me.

D: Married. A couple of years ago, D came on to her while he was drunk, both of them on an out of town work trip. She denied him of course, and told me about it. She still sees him at the office on a regular basis, and he has behaved himself.

M: Married. On her recent work trip to the Caribbean, M was very direct about how much he liked her. He is almost twenty years her senior, and according to her, not attractive. The girls on the trip ran interference for her while they were there, but upon returning, he hasn't let up. Yesterday he found reason to call her at least a dozen times. Oddly enough, he's married, and he told her that "something is missing" from his marriage. To add another level of complexity, he has invited us to dinner with him AND his wife at their place. His wife either knows about his indiscretions, or he has testicles the size of bowling balls. Rebecca has accepted his invitation, so I guess we'll find out. My money is that they're swingers, and they're planning to divide and conquer.

V: Single. She's actually having coffee with V this morning. When we were discussing her posse last night, he sent her a text, "What up?". He is the youngest of the bunch, with not a lot in common with her. She said objectively, he is one of the better looking ones, but she's not attracted to him. He flirts with her, particularly via text when he's out on the town and had a few.

S: Married. Rebecca and her group met S while on her recent work trip. She said he's a really nice guy, and reminds her of an older and shorter V. I noticed that they are now Facebook friends and were chatting via Facebook the other night as we all watched a movie. Rebecca and I have concluded that she is nice to everyone and it turns out that many men interpret this "niceness" as attraction. We'll see if S falls into this category.

That's it for now. Maybe when Rebecca reads this, she'll let me know if I've missed anyone.

Monday, March 26, 2012

This Went Through My Mind

We recently bought a new car and I offered to set up Rebecca's phone for the hands free. She entered her passcode for her phone, then started to hand it to me. Something made her reconsider, and she gave me a guilty look, and said something to the effect that we can do it later.

Now, I tend to over think things, which is why I started this blog, but that quick exchange set off an avalanche of thoughts. It wasn't until late last night that I was able to turn them off.

Recently, we were talking about G and she said she's not attracted to him and that he is more like a brother. At the time I found it disturbingly funny because I knew their history, and the whole brother thing is kind of weird.

After the phone incident, I find it disturbing for other reasons. There is something on her phone she really doesn't want me to see. In my mind this thing is something personal she is choosing to keep from me.

As you all know, we (seem to) have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately what bothers me the most is we still don't have that level of communication and trust I've seen and read other couples have. She has her things she keeps from me, and vice versa.

It's not the fact that she may have some incredibly juicy or even embarrassing correspondence with G on her phone that bothers me. It's the fact that it is something that she actively keeps it from me.

It can only be two things in my mind. She has either done something physical with him that she has never told me about, or she has developed feelings for him, which she won't tell me about. Again, oddly enough, in both cases I find it's the not telling me that churns my stomach the most. If it's the latter of the above, and we can't talk about it, then... who knows? One thing is for certain, it's a step in the wrong direction for us.

Is it too weird for a couple to be completely open with one another? Or do we all keep certain things to ourselves so we don't spoil the image of the person our spouses fell in love with? Is some level of personal privacy needed to keep a healthy marrriage?

I suspect there are very few couples who share their most intimate thoughts with their significant others. The question applies equally to me as it does to Rebecca. There are bigger questions of individuality and marriage here, questions I'm sure I won't answer in a thousand years of blogging.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

One More Sleep

It has now been over a week that Rebecca has been away. It's been the longest stretch we've been apart since we were married.

Almost all of our contact has been through skype and texting with the kids around me, so there hasn't been a lot of private time for the two of us, other than the occasional text.

As the week has unfolded, I've noticed some interesting coping mechanisms (aside from masturbation) developing. I find I'm getting more "guarded" the longer she has been away. My days have been full with either work or the kids or both, and it seems our schedules don't mesh. I find I can't really relax until I'm in bed later at night.

Nights when I have stayed up, she has gone to bed early, and vice versa. In the back of my mind, I have to wonder if G has had better access to communication with her than I have.

Early in her trip, one of men in the group made a blatant, clumsy and somewhat forceful pass at her which unfortunately, has made her uncomfortable for the rest of the trip. She has toned down her outgoing nature, which has (I think) even impacted our long distance flirtations. Rebecca has since been relying on two of her female traveling companions to run interference between her and this cad.

I haven't flirted with her much myself and I can understand how she might not be able to get in the mood after the episode early in her trip. Instead, I've relied on "myself" to stay in game shape, but even I can lose interest in myself after awhile. I hear a collective narcissistic gasp.

I'm looking forward to when things can get back to normal. Which by all accounts should start tomorrow night. Rebecca arrives home later tomorrow night after a full day of travel, so I'm sure she'll be exhausted.

I'll have to move back to my side of the bed to make room for her. On second thought, I think I'll stay on her side for a few nights.

State of the Union

State of the Union

As most readers have gathered by now, Rebecca is on her week long work trip to the Caribbean. She left Monday, and will be back next Wednesday. I thought I should do a brief recap of where we are now vs where this all started. 

If anything, confessing my fantasy of her being with other men has let to us becoming closer to each other. I think a lot of married people, women included, tend to keep their sexual thoughts to themselves. It was difficult at the time for me to tell her I fantasized about her having sex with other men, but I'm glad I did it.

Her reaction was an emphatic "no". She said she wasn't capable of sex as just pleasure. She needs to have feelings for someone she sleeps with. That was totally understandable. I certainly didn't want her developing feelings for anyone. 

Over time, in day to day conversation, she would mention G, commenting on something he said, etc. It was then that I realized in her own way, she was giving me an indication that she liked him. At first I didn't know what to think, scared I would lose her, etc. It has been over a year now, and like anything, their relationship has kind of leveled out. They still meet for drinks and lunch, but a lot to their conversations have to do with the mundane. There is still some attraction, and the occasional drunken email, but they're definitely in cruise control now. She still emails G back and forth daily, but it seems to have turned into a complaint session for his marriage issues. 

That's not to say they won't take it to the next step however, but this time coasting has served us well as a couple. I'm not at all scared of losing her anymore, as I can see that even after all of the pursuit, she still chooses to be with me. 

It goes further than that. It's not even that she chooses to be with me, we are simply meant to be. As a husband, first going through thoughts of wanting to share your wife, then realizing you could lose her, and finally realizing she wants me above all others gives me a confidence that's very hard to explain. I imagine someday being in the same room with someone like G, who Rebecca has been seeing, maybe even someone she finally chooses to have sex with. He would be smirking at me thinking about how he's pulling one over on me. All the time, I would be smiling inside knowing how at the end of the day, she wants me above him.

I know I can do better to describe this feeling, the right words elude me now.

So now Rebecca is away for awhile. As usual, she knows she has my blessing to have as much fun as she likes. I give her this freedom, knowing in all likelihood, she'll never cash in. I guess if I never expect it, it will come as a surprise. She packed three bikinis to take with her, and as usual, she will be the hottest one in her group. She seems to enjoy the attention, and she has already had some flirtations. One of the guys in her group was requesting to see her red lingerie. I know she'll stay far away from any work related affair, but at the same time, she inherently knows how to push a man's buttons.

Finally, on the topic of buttons, she has definitely evolved into knowing and enjoying the effect her contact with men has on me. It was important to me that any steps she takes are enjoyed by us as a couple. Her slow approach, has let our communication keep pace, which in turn has made us an even stronger couple. Our kids are getting old enough to comment on how much mommy and daddy kiss. I'm just glad they get to see that there really is happiness out there. 

Rebecca is probably out for dinner now, wearing one of her summer dresses. She'll attract her share of attention, whether she tries to or not. She still has two more bikinis to try out, and I can't wait to hear about the reactions.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

An Ass Like a Twenty-Three Year Old

Some Quiet Time

The house is quiet right now. Rebecca is out running around with the kids. I just finished a decent run, so I thought I'd take a little time to reflect on where we are.

Last night I threw a small surprise 40th birthday party for Rebecca. We had several couples over, including her friend "L" and her husband. Her and Rebecca recapped their Vegas trip of last year for the crowd, telling how Rebecca was offered $600 from the judge if she would let him touch her bare ass. ( see December 2010? for the full story.) Originally, Rebecca told me the offer was to see her newly waxed pussy, and last night they recalled it was to touch her ass. They may have been toning it down for the crowd.

On the topic of her ass, G emailed Rebecca late on the night of her actual birthday. He sent the usual birthday wishes, then followed it up with another email. In it he said that although she was forty, she had the ass of a twenty-three year old. Rebecca figured he was drunk, as he was traveling on business this week. 

For her birthday, I had a cake made with a big picture of Patrick Dempsey printed on edible icing. Rebecca loves his hair, so it's an ongoing joke between us. I overheard her telling someone at the party last night that although she's kept her "number" low, she would be fine adding him to the select few (or two).

When she went to blow out the candles, L piped up, "Hey Rebecca, it's time to blow McDreamy". The whole room howled at that comment. Of course Rebecca, being her lovely self, was telling people how I should be on the cake as well, as I'm her real dream man, etc. It was another one of her close friends who immediately barked out, "Threesome!", which got another round of laughter.

The last guests left around 12:30, and we danced to "Me and Bobby McGee" before cleaning up. Up in our room we quickly undressed each other. In contrast to our tender slow dance, our sex was, for lack of a better word, hard. Being somewhat drunk, I was able to pump her quite hard. She egged me on until I came.

This morning, we woke up and started exploring again. It's funny how even after so long together, I discover new things. I was on top of her, holding my body above her as I pumped her with long strokes. Eventually I pulled too far out and my cock popped out and my shaft landed squarely against her clit. Instead of putting it back in right away, I took the opportunity to rest a little and gently slid my shaft along the outside of her pussy, rubbing her clit with the underside of my shaft. She really enjoyed this, especially when I randomly would plunge my cock back deep inside her.

Eventually, I pulled her on top of me so she could enjoy her favorite position. As she ground against me, I discovered another wonderful subtlety. Typically, Rebecca's nipples are too sensitive to touch very hard. Lately we've found that I actually like my nipples squeezed quite hard as I approach orgasm. Rebecca has been taking that little bit of knowledge and has been using it often. 

This time, though, a thought ran through my mind that we do things to each other that we wish would be done to us. As she rode me, she  approached closer and  closer to her orgasm. It was almost like the tide coming in, with each wave getting closer. She is later into her cycle, and I've found she takes a lot more to reach her peak at this time of the month.

I could feel her nipples stiffen as I covered her breasts with my hands, so I decided to try some payback. As she would climb back up to her peak, I would gently increase the pressure of my fingers on her erect nipples. I was fully prepared for her to redirect my hands, but she responded by grinding hard on top of me. At first, I was gently rolling her hard nipples between my thumbs and index fingers. Eventually, on about the third wave, I was squeezing with a pressure that at any other time would have gotten me slapped. It had to hurt, as her nipples are so large and hard compared to mine. Instead, this last wave of pain/pressure pushed her over the edge, and she came, then collapsed on my chest.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

It's Nice to be Appreciated

I got this text from Rebecca Saturday morning as I was running around taking our girl to dance class, etc.

"You are a good man. The kids and I are lucky."

It was a little out of the blue, and I found out why. She was getting a facial, and the lady administering it was confiding in Rebecca how the father of her kids was never around to help, so she was basically a single parent. When he was in town, he would hang out at the bar, and not help with their two year old.

It was after this conversation that Rebecca texted me saying how good of a husband I am. I guess by comparison, I look pretty good. It's nice to be appreciated.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Uncomfortable Silence Epilogue

It turned out Rebecca was already back at the office and in a meeting when I texted her, and couldn't reply. Still, it was a strange feeling not to get a response when I had assumed she was out with G.

It's been a long work week, and I'm looking forward to just hanging out with my wife. TGIF

Uncomfortable Silence

She's at lunch with G as I type this. She mentioned yesterday that they were going to meet, although she didn't know where.

I texted her about half an hour ago to see how lunch went. I still haven't received a response. All I can do is wait and try to get some work done.