Sunday, May 29, 2011

Two Paths

It's been almost a week since I posted, and although I don't have a lot to jot down, I do have a few random thoughts. I did go through a short phase of jealousy, over exactly what I'm not sure. My jealous thoughts seem to stem from the fear that I might one day lose Rebecca to someone else, G in particular. She still refuses to acknowledge that there is anything there, but she told me he has invited her out for either Tuesday or Thursday this week. I suppose she is looking for my blessing in some way or another. 

The last thing I want is for her to go out and/or do something because of what I want her to do (or what she thinks I want her to do.) I really don't want the burden of her resenting me for that. I had a bit of an epiphany the other day, realizing that anything she does moving forward has to be on her own accord. She already knows my feelings on the subject, so I'll leave it up to her.

On the subject of my thoughts, I want to write some of them down her to clarify a few things. First of all, my  preferred path to exploring her sexuality would be in the form of a male/female/male threesome, so I could be a part of her pleasure, and so we keep experiencing things as a couple. I guess I saw an opening with her and G, so I let her explore the dating side without totally realizing how I would feel. Although, I'm not cuckold material, I would be okay with her dating as long as the players involved knew that I knew. If that makes any sense. 

I guess when I started this fantasy, I saw myself as a husband of a hot wife, and not a cuckold. The key to this is that I would expect anyone who dated my wife to respect our relationship, and to be thankful for the opportunity to spend time with such a remarkable woman. In the case of G, he doesn't know I know, so right now there is zero chance he'll respect our relationship. With the perception of the cheating wife scenario, it's quite likely that he would do the opposite. 

Finally, on the note of the m/f/m thought; I wrote it that way because I have no desire to "interact" physically with another man. (as opposed to mmf) My desires are completely centered around pleasing my wife and seeing her pleasured. As I said, my altered path came from the opportunity that presented itself with G, and the thought I had that Rebecca needed some "privacy" away from her husband to explore these thoughts.

Monday, May 23, 2011


Tonight as we were cleaning up the dishes from dinner, Rebecca reminded me she has an appointment tomorrow for a waxing. As her mother, her sister, her sister's husband, and our daughter were talking at the dinner table, I was cleaning up and making coffee. 
Rebecca was helping me at the dishwasher when she leaned over and whispered that she was going to have almost all of it taken off. She wants to keep, in her words "a small square". This is a woman who a year ago wouldn't have even considered getting waxed. Excruciating.

Friday, May 20, 2011


Just a quick update on last night. Rebecca got home around 1:30am. Although they were together a long time, apparently not much happened, other than they talked. He did have his arm around her waist on the way back to her car. Regardless,  I had been on the edge all night, and took her in my arms the minute she walked in our room.

She said they stayed at the lounge, talking. At one point he asked her how often her and I have sex. She replied about 3 or 4 times a week, depending. He was astounded. He said that 3 or 4 times sums up his 2010 total with his wife. So it sounds like Rebecca has started to become councillor to yet another wayward marriage. I told her she needs to explain the concept of "Friends with Benefits" to him.

Anyway, it sounds like she had a good time, and I managed to make it through the evening in one piece. This bodes well for future nights. We'll see if she remembers more details over the next few days...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

"So I've Been Invited on a Coffee Date... for Tonight."

Those were the words Rebecca said to me this afternoon on our drive to our daughter's recital. I have to say, my stomach did a flip flop, and I had a hard time concentrating while we watched the show. She mentioned it as a matter of fact, but also kind of left it hanging like she was waiting for my okay. I said that if it's tonight, it should be drinks, not coffee.

G had emailed her earlier this afternoon to tell her he was going to be downtown for a work function and that he was wondering if she wanted to get together afterwards for a drink. I smiled when she mentioned the email and my reaction was all she needed to make up her mind. In fact, we had to wait outside in the car at the school to let my erection subside. Every time it crossed my mind since, my stomach flips, my heart skips, and I start to get hard. We held hands in the gymnasium during the performance (probably the only parents doing so) and she kept looking at me, then my crotch, smiling all the time.

She asked me what  I would like her to wear, and I said "skirt" without skipping a beat. She said there's no way since that would scream "date", and she's too conservative for that. She ended up wearing some dress pants that really show off her ass. Well, she has a great ass, so I guess she couldn't have gone wrong with any choice. When we were putting the kids to bed, she was getting ready, and all I could think was how hot it was that she was getting ready to go on a date with him. She has been wearing her red bra from the boudoir shoot all day, which is just  a happy coincidence.

She was going to stop by the grocery store on her way to pick up  a few things. She still insists nothing will happen, but I told her to have fun and that I love her no matter how much or how little happens with him. I also told her my only request is she update me if they change venue, or if she's going to be later than 11:30, so I don't have to worry about her safety.

She has her monthly visitor, so this is probably a good "safe" step for her to take. We talked over the last few weeks, and she knows I trust her. I also have no doubt about our love. From the moment she told me  today, I've been extremely aroused. She knows it, and she said something like "keep him hard" for me tonight, referring of course to my cock. That is a no brainer.

It's 9:15, and they're meeting at 9:30 in  the lounge of one of the downtown hotels. No throwing up tonight.... this is all about her. I'm trying my best not to get my hopes up too much. At the very least, she'll come home aroused from the attention she'll get from him.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Listening to a Friend

Last Saturday, Rebecca was out with her Girlfriend, L. This was the same girlfriend who accompanied Rebecca to Vegas last December. At the time, L had commented how her husband wasn't romantic at all; he wasn't into any displays of affection, public or private. She said he still expected sex, and that she wasn't into it, but she did it out if obligation.

At last Saturday's  dinner, nearly six months later, L told Rebecca it's still the same. He won't touch her unless it's for sex, and now she's resigned herself to the fact that she'll never be totally happy. She has tried to  get him to talk to her, but he just won't communicate with her.

After Rebecca told me this, we talked for awhile and I said that it sounds like L could be susceptible to having an affair, the dangerous kind of affair where she falls in love with someone else. During our conversation Rebecca said something regarding affairs that I never expected to come out of her. She said, "it's only dangerous if you're missing something from your relationship." I thought that was very astute of her to say. 

Rebecca told me that on their trip to Vegas last December, the Judge was sitting next to L and he was quite touchy-feely. He would occasionally touch L's  leg as he was talking to the two of them. I guess L has been wondering why her own husband couldn't do the same thing.
I have thought about it more since our discussion, and have this thought.

Whether a man realizes it or not, the thought of another man wanting his wife awakens something within him. L's husband may view her a little as a kept woman. With him as her only emotional outlet, she may even appear a bit needy. In my humble opinion, L needs to get a job (she's a stay at home mom) so she's interacting daily with people other than her husband.

An independent woman is attractive. When she's your wife, she's irresistible.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Change of Pace

We took a little step back over the last couple of weeks. I even took this blog down so I wouldn't have to think about it or feel obligated to post. Things are great with Rebecca and I. We had some friends over for dinner last night and afterwards Rebecca and I chatted while we cleaned up. It was after 1:00am when we made it to bed, which is about four hours past our bedtime.

Both V and G are staying in contact with her, although things have cooled off. Poor V is still vying for her attention, but I'm afraid she's way out of his league. He has even signed up for a triathlon she's in this August. He persistent, I'll give him that. G keeps trying as well. Friday he emailed her asking her out for coffee, but she politely declined.

As for me, I like when she's getting attention from other men, and I told her last night I like when she comes home to me after flirting a little. Whether she is aware of it or not, it turns her on and I can see the difference.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

If Things Were Reversed

Every once in a while, I like to put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.  Last night I was thinking about Rebecca's perspective in all of this. How would I see it if she had been the one to suggest to me that I could start pursuing relationships with other women, while she remained "faithful"? My first reaction of course would be that she must already be cheating on me, and this would be her way of balancing things. My second thought would be that she wanted to cheat, and that she had someone in mind already. It would be difficult, if not impossible to understand what she would get out of this.

If I could satisfy my suspicions as to her motivations enough to accept that this was what she wanted me to do, I would probably question her love for me. Why would she want to "give me away", even temporarily to another woman? It would make no sense.

Now suppose for a moment that I could finally accept that she really did love me, and she wanted me to do this. At some point or another, my mind would start evaluating candidates, whether or not I had any intention of moving forward with it. For the sake of this "thought experiment", pretend there was a woman who recently left the company where I worked whom I had a good relationship with. This woman would be one that I had worked with over the last couple of years, and had always made time to chat. With my new-found freedom, I would subtly step up  my interaction with her. We would meet for coffee, and start texting each other more and more. Things would start to take on a more sexual tone, and  then one night, she would "drunk" email me stating her interest in something  physical.

I would be conflicted to say the least. Without even trying, I suddenly had another woman interested in sleeping with me. I would decide to go extremely slow, and keep things to a "flirting" level. We would text and email every day. Then, one night a couple of days before meeting for a relatively innocent lunch, Rebecca would confront me with her knowledge of the emails/chatting, saying she wanted to be included in this, and that she was concerned I was hiding things from her.

I would be thoroughly confused at this point, and probably ask her, "wasn't this what she wanted?" She would reply, saying she was okay with the physical part and not with the emotional attachment. I would have to break it to her that you can't have one without the other. There would always be an emotional connection on some level if there's a physical relationship. I would say that's just the way I am. It's why you love me.

She would respond with a set of "rules" that she wanted us to follow as we embarked on this. Now at this point, the fun would be gone for me. I would now be in the awkward position of having another woman wanting a relationship with me, and my wife asking me to instigate a bunch of rules on the relationship.

Not that it should need to be reiterated, but I'll always chose my wife over another woman, so I decide to break it off before things go too far. I've now ruined a perfectly good friendship with a former co-worker  because my wife pushed me in a direction, then pulled me back. I would be a little resentful towards my wife, but I would be happy we had each other.

Let's go one step further and suppose she wanted to set me up with another woman of her chosing, but this time only online, that is, via email or chatting. My thought at this point would be, "Can't I do anything myself? I'm a big boy." She either trusts me or she doesn't. Love and trust go hand in hand. I would tell her, again quoting my dad, "to take a long walk on a short pier." If it EVER comes down to is, I'll choose my own lover.

The thoughts she had planted would still be stuck in the back of my mind, but I wouldn't know how to proceed, or even want to because I would worry my control freak wife would lose it. I think I would do my best to just forget about things and try to get back to normal.


Back to reality... my little thought experiment has shed some much needed light on how irrational my path has been. To that end, I'm going to take a step back. Rebecca needs some room to let things settle in her mind, and I really need to re-prove to her that I'm not crazy, and that I trust her. She can resume civil conversation (or not, it's up to her )with G, V, or any other letter of the alphabet for that matter. (Including a "C" who has been contacting her lately.) I'll leave it up to her. She can tell me or not, it's up to her. She has my blessing to do whatever makes her happy and I'll leave it at that.