Sunday, December 9, 2012

Things are Good

I did a lot of reading the last few weeks on "surviving" affairs etc. I concluded that a lot (actually most) of it doesn't apply to me. Most of the world still lives with the assumption that an affair will or should kill your marriage.

If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.

They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.

Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.

Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.

I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.

The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.

Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.

Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.

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