Friday, November 30, 2012

Enough About Me

I was reading about this year's Will/Jada Smith - Marc Anthony "scandal" and I think there's a consistent theme here.

From what I've read in the past, this is what I gather and think I know about Will and Jada Smith.

They seem to have had an enviable marriage by normal standards, let alone measuring it by Hollywood's yard stick. They also have some degree of an open marriage.

Will Smith was quoted as saying, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it."

Their openness with each other may explain this year's Marc Anthony/Jada rumors. I get the impression that Jada may have neglected to ask/inform Will of her hots for MA, which I can see leading to an intense discussion with Will after the fact. He would be asking all the same questions as I have been, including why couldn't she tell Will.

Add to this the rumor that he came home to find them together in their house, and you could see why he might be upset, regardless of whether or not she had some form of standing permission.

It comes back to the main question/recurring theme of given a strong love and marriage and "permission", why do spouses feel the need to hide their affairs? I'm not sure there is an easy answer.

It appears that they are moving forward together. It just might make it awkward between MA and Will for awhile, not to mention JLo.

Enough celebrity gossip.

TGIF. Rebecca's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to our date.


Sunday, November 25, 2012

A Letter

My Dear Wife,

About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.

Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.

I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.

Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.

After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.

Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.

Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.

When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.

We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.







Saturday, November 24, 2012

Not Your Typical Husband

As my wife will attest to, I tend to think a lot. She jokes that she is shallow in comparison, but I don't think she gives herself enough credit in this respect.

Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.

When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.

Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.

Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.

I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.

That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.

Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.

I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Volunteering

Rebecca has been exceptionally loving over the last few weeks, which I definitely enjoy. In that respect we barely skipped a beat.

What will really make me feel we have reached another level is when she volunteers something she is uncomfortable sharing.

It's not that I want her to feel uncomfortable, it's just that everything about her "affair" she has told me has been after I had cornered her. To her credit, she has told me that she will answer anything I ask, but in a way, that tells me she won't volunteer anything.

The most important thing for me at this point is not that I know everything, but that I feel I have a wife who will tell me anything.



Tuesday, November 20, 2012

It's quiet in here

But it's good for thinking. I was driving our son back from a 7:00am practice this morning, and I worked myself into a bad mood.

It was just another little thing that made me realize how long I had been duped. For how much of the kid's lives their father had been lied to. In relative years, it would be a decade for me. It feels like a decade. Songs from a year ago have different meaning for me now.

We had a good night last night though. Rebecca and I went to Skyfall while the kids stayed for supper at a friend's house.

I even bought some roses for the occasion. I think how utterly insane this can be. I'm just doing my best to move forward.

We didn't have sex last night, although I sensed Rebecca was game. We kissed a lot in bed, and I had her naked body against me, but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.

We're hosting my office Christmas party tonight, so that should be a good time.

Time for a run.

Today

Any sad thoughts of Rebecca and G sneaking around behind my back have more less disappeared. Is it really that easy? I've seen how much she needs me over the last couple of weeks, and honestly, she has cried way too much about this. I mean it was my prodding that allowed her to go there, and it was her conservative nature that kept her from telling me.

I did tell her last night that I understand that going "cold turkey" would be difficult, due to their friendship. She replied that it wasn't even close if the choice was between a friendship and us.

It's too bad it has come to that really. I mean, we were so close to the perfect situation. The only thing missing was disclosure. I understand that once it happened, it would be hard for her to bring it up, but I did try to give her every chance.

Even this soon after the pain, I have the fleeting thought that we/she could have had it all.. if. If my aunt had nuts.

Unfortunately, with G the opportunity has passed. I'm not sure even I could go there now. Having said that, Sweets if you're reading this, I would still insist on honesty if you ever felt you needed to go there.

Maybe one day she'll find a new G and we can start this off on the right foot. She'll read this and say that will never happen, but that's the sort of denial that got us in trouble to begin with. We've determined that even a perfect wife can have needs outside a perfect marriage.

She has told me that I should stop with the hotwife talk, but I have to be honest, it's hard to do. Especially knowing we've come this close but I'll do my best in that regard. I only hope that if given the choice in the future between cheating wife and hotwife, she'll choose the latter.



Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Pretty Good Night

The Christmas party was a hit, as was Rebecca. It was pretty early in the season, but this was the only weekend that worked for everyone. We hired a great catering duo, a husband and wife who cooked and chatted with the crowd.

During the day I was having a bit of a hard time, and Rebecca has been insisting that I tell her when I have a bad thought. I told her I don't need to bother her with every little negative thing, but she kept asking me to let her hear the pain. This was right before the caterers were arriving as we changed our clothes. She was putting her panties away, and I actually had to look away. I know it's dumb. She asked and I told her. There were things all day that tweaked my memory. Songs, underwear, her dress, her perfect ass while she was changing.. This led to her crying again before the party. Throughout all of this, she has cried a lot. I've been more brooding than anything, but I'm starting to understand that she is being harder on herself about this than I am.

I wasn't in a party mood, so I had low expectations.

She looked amazing in a sweater dress, which was just shear enough to show the outline of her ass through it. During the evening, we were very touchy. She is an amazing hostess. Several times she would come up to me, put her arms around me and whisper in my ear.

I couldn't resist her charm. She would brush my ass with her hand, or push her ass back towards me and discretely grind as we chatted with the guests.

Her charm wasn't limited to me. Two of the younger men (boyfriend/fianc├ęs of two of my female staff) really enjoyed talking to her. Nothing crazy, just her making everyone feel comfortable chatting. She was the hottest woman in the group, even though half the group was at least ten years younger.

At one point, she was standing, talking with one of the guys, her arm around him. It was pretty innocent, but it made me look around to see if anyone else noticed or cared. She pulled me over to her and kissed me. I can't explain how much my mood improved over the evening.

Here I was, hosting a party, and the most beautiful woman in the crowd keeps teasing me, all the while telling me how much she needs me.

At one point, my administrator, a savvy and very direct woman in her mid sixties, whispered to Rebecca that she would take over hostess duties if we wanted to slip upstairs for fifteen minutes. We never took her up on the offer, although it was tempting.

We eventually got everyone out of the house around 3am and headed to bed. We spent most of the next hour all over each other's bodies. I have to say it was amazing. She's become very open in bed. She was quite vocal and makes sure she is getting what she wants. The memories are spotty, but I remember devouring each other in a 69 after we had cum together once. It's at times like that, the knowledge she's been with another man just adds fuel to my fire. It's strange how it works.

This morning we followed up with another round, with her telling me I could get the rabbit vibe from her bedside table. She came while riding me as I moved the vibrator slowly back and forth against her. I know it's weird, but because I now know she gave G blowjobs, I felt the need to reassert myself in that department. After she came, I moved up to her and she took me in her mouth. I kept going until I flooded her mouth. She swallowed and then kissed me as we came down from the high.

Friday, November 9, 2012

I'm Still Whining

Rebecca is still having a difficult time with this. She's extremely sad, which I can certainly understand. I feel I need to comfort her, but as bad as it sounds , part of me doesn't want to at times. She is a strong woman, so it's strange to see her wrestle with this sadness.

I still have my thoughts which could only be characterized as whining. I feel guilty for being so selfish when she's so sad. I feel I have been thoroughly ripped off. I got to experience all the bad feelings of her affair without any of the things I wanted when we started down this path. She was worried about causing pain. She can't understand that doled out by the hand of a loving, honest wife, a little pain can be leveraged into a good thing. When I get to discover it all on my own, it sucks.

I still feel like I'm lacking a full confession. Her sorrow is of course keeping her from that, but I feel it's only going to make us to bury this. If it gets buried, my thought right now is I haven't got my wife back.

In truth, I'm feeling right now that she stopped being mine the first day she lied about him. It wasn't the sex part. The first time she felt she needed to hide the truth from me marked the day she put him and her ahead of her and I. From that point on, our marriage stopped. Our bond had been broken. It's been broken for over a year and I didn't know it. That is the pain of a real affair.

I wonder what would have happened if I had confronted her differently? If I had offered her one chance and only one chance to come clean, would she have taken it? Right now I think she would have kept denying it.

Finally, when we had our fireside chat again last night, she reiterated how she didn't love him. That she cared, but it was really just a no strings attached fling. I told her how ironic it was since that was what I wanted for her from the beginning.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

On the Road

I'm heading to another city for the day with work, fortunate enough to be riding in the passengers seat. Some time to kill.

Last night we had a long discussion, hopefully one of many to come. The last few days have been a strange mix of emotions. She has been a wreck at work, spending a large portion of the last two days crying in a washroom stall. To say I've been distracted would be an understatement, but I'm fortunate enough to be able to dump my workload on my staff with the simple explanation that I will be distracted for awhile.

I want to clarify a few things in my own mind about the last few days. I can't remember if it was Monday or Tuesday.. The day of the "how to get your husband home" post.. I discovered an email account for Rebecca I never knew about.

In the account I found emails dating as far back as last December, sometimes several a day. Several referenced "being inside her" and candy references for blowjobs, etc. She wrote
about getting lost in his eyes etc.

I was in panic mode as I was reading it. I expected to read how she planned to leave me. I didn't find that. It was all what you would expect two people In the start of a relationship to be like. It reminded me of when Rebecca and I started dating. The idea of "New Relationship Energy" has been discussed in detail on other forums.

It's clear that they are/were in the throes of it. In truth, I had been prepared for years for the possibility she might fall into it. I just expected, naively mind you, that I would be "there" to help her through it.

It was all a bit if a blur, but when I confronted her I led with something stupid like," you know how you say divorce is never an option? Well it can be."

I went on to try to give her one chance to come clean by asking if there was anything she wanted to tell me about her and G. She said no. I gave her a couple of quotes from her emails before I left for the office.

When I got there, I sat at my desk and
had to start reading the emails again. As I went through them, I printed and read. I took the stack of prints and put them in a large envelope and put them away.

This is where it gets a little strange. As I read the emails, I couldn't help but get aroused. I was tempted to relieve myself, but I thought there was no way in hell I would be one of "those" husbands. One where he is relegated to his hand while his wife gets her kicks.

I remember driving home, and climbing the stairs and actually thinking that I may have to rape my own wife. She was in our room ironing her clothes for the next morning when I walked in. She turned, came over to me and I grabbed her hard and kissed her. She kissed me hard back, and I reached between her legs and pushed my finger inside of her.

We quickly stripped each other and I lifted her onto the bed. I was inside her in no time. The night was a strange night of different emotions. Anger, lust, sadness, all entwined with our love. I can't begin to define it with words. It was amazing, yet horrible. She cried on and off through it all, knowing how she had betrayed me, us. I didn't cry. It would be the next day before I allowed that. That night was about.... Reassertion? One last night before I left her? I didn't know. All in all, I came in her six times, something I haven't done in almost twenty years.

The next morning, she kissed me when she left, and as soon as she left I started reading the emails again. It was probably a mistake to do so, but I couldn't help it. I realized once again how long she had been fooling me. How long she had been lying. She texted me on her way into work:


R: I love you and am so sorry.

I can't believe how long this was going on for. I feel like an idiot for not knowing. I think you do love him. Sorry. Bad time for me.

R: I am not in love with him. I care, but it's not love.

This went on too long for it not to be love. I gave you so many chances to talk to me about it. You lied to my face over and over. You don't keep that from someone you love. He has that role now.

R: Don't say this. Please.
I will do anything not to lose you. I can't lose us.

I'm the one left standing without anything.

R: We have our life together.

This wasn't a one night stand, or five night stand. You sent him more love notes over a year than you've ever given to me. I was dying for you to treat me like that.
It was a bare faced lie that went on until you had no choice but to tell the truth, and even then you give me bits and pieces. I love you but our trust is dead. I need to figure that part out.
I wondered how long it would take for you to change your password. That tells me a lot.

R: I am going to close that account. I'm done with it. It's not a game anymore.
please don't think without me being with you. I need to be with you and somehow process this together. I love you.

I didn't even know I was playing.

R: It was a game to me.

It didn't sound like it to me.

R: I can't lose you. Do you love me? Do you want to be married to me?

I just need time.

R: I will give you anything you need.

Tell him it's done. If he texts, emails, or even looks at you from across the street, I have 50 pages of emails I'll send to his wife and his office.

R: I will tell him and include you on the note.

Don't meet him in person.

R: I won't.

R: How were the kids?

They're great.

R: They are. Are you still ok to give me the car so that I can pick them up at 1?

The mkx is at home.

R: Ok

Still thinking?

R: Yes. Stressed, cold. Regret.
Nightmare.

Why? Because you can't decide?

R: No, it's never been about a choice or decision. You are who I want to be with.

What would you do if you were me? I'm at a loss.

R: I would be mad beyond belief, but I want to grow old with you so I would do what it took to right things. I would also stop with the hw thing.

R: ?

We've certainly shown we can't handle that.

R: I am so sorry for hurting you.

I know
How is her appt?

R: Drops are in so now we wait for 20 mins
Let me know what doc says.

R: I will. I sent you a picture of her big eyes.

R: Status quo for her eyes
How is your seminar?

Done. Just walking

R: Where are you walking to? I am at the school waiting for the bell.

Everything good I've felt over the last 20 years feels erased.

R: We can get through this. Please. Don't let my stupidity destroy us.
It was my stupidity.
You trusted me and I fucked up.
I love yoi.
You
I love you.

--next day-

Mornings suck

R: All day has been sucking for me.
The bathroom stall has become my friend.

It will get better.

R: I am hanging onto that.


All I want is for us to know each other completely, not just what we want the other to see. Otherwise we're in love with fake people.
I don't know if that makes sense.

R: It does and I am trying. I'm thinking I don't even know myself.


That's just it. I want to discover each other together. I know you thought you were this perfect wife and Catholic girl. You're not. I already knew it because it's an impossible ideal. Just be imperfect with me. I'm very good at being imperfect back :)

R: I know I am far from perfect. I will try to be imperfect together.


There is no "try". Either you're in this or not. Can you tell I'm having a bad moment?

R: I am in it. I won't lose you.

If he contacts you, I need to know. Not to pull the trigger on the courier, but for our own transparency. Any contact I don't know about is just a continuation of your affair.

R: I will tell you if he does. He hasn't since the one I sent to you yesterday. It's done.

Thank you.

R: I will do what it takes to fix what I broke.


Not only if, but "what". Unedited. That's where things went sideways with us. Half truths and selective memory almost finished us. They still could.


R: Unedited would be actual emails which you would get. I would forward anything to you.

I didn't mean to imply you would edit the email. I just meant that I'm thinking back to the positive spin you put on our conversations to keep me from knowing. I'm sorry. I'll try not to keep throwing this in your face. It's hard. I'm angry and hurt.

R: I know you are and I deserve it.
I'm going into a meeting now so will be offline for an hour. Please know how sorry I am.

I know.

R: I hate this.

Yup. I need to know some reason for hiding it from me. You must have had a rationale considering I gave you every possible chance to be honest with me.
Where/how was it going to end up? Would you have left me? Would you have stopped seeing him on your own and just let it fade from your memory?
You don't need to answer now.
Are you there?
?
I tried calling. I need to know you're okay.
--I was worried about her at this point--

R: I am here. I went for lunch and left my phone on my desk. I don't know why this happened. It was never something that would go on. I can't talk to you right now because I will start crying.

R: I know you gave me every chance, I just didn't have the courage. I didn't want to go through this. Obviously I was a fool. Leaving you was never a thought. Not even once.


Okay. Don't scare me like that. I don't like not hearing back from you.

R: I was having a bad time and needed to leave the bb.

R: Have you eaten? I picked away at a salad roll.

I have a sub sitting on my desk. Haven't opened it yet.

R: I'm sitting in a bathroom stall.

Don't text me then.. I don't want to keep you in there all day :)
I'll try to not fire my thought at you as much.

R: I want you to. I deserve this.

No you don't.

R: I do and if it helps I will take it.

At my next seminar.

R: Are you wearing your wedding ring?

I know it's juvenile, but I took it off today. It's not as a sign that I'm through with anything. It's just a reminder right now.

R: The kids changed their mind about skating so you don't have to rush.

--today--

R: I love you.

I love you too. It's a better morning today.

R: Thank you. And not just for that, but for everything.

You don't need to thank me.


------//

Through all of this, we have continue to have sex... Strange as it seems. My hurt is less about the physical nature of the relationship and more about the deceit. I think my years of wanting the physical part for her takes that edge off, albeit not completely. I can't imagine how a "normal" husband would handle this.

The second night after knowing was more intimate, although still with tears when she answered yes when I asked if he came in her.

Last night was one step better. I asked her what the lollipop reference was with him while we kissed and if she gave him a blowjob. She said yes and I asked if she swallowed and she answered truthfully yes. She asked if I wanted one and started to lick and suck me.

It may have been too soon, or maybe her asking came across as too "you get one because he had one." I pulled her back up to me and we made love the old fashioned way.

She probably won't be entirely comfortable with me putting this out there, but it's really my only form of therapy, and I have a little goodwill built up.

She had said she is done with this HW thing, but I told her not to rule anything out. We agreed that however we move forward, it will be together. I still have some doubts, but hopefully they will fade over time as we rebuild our trust.




Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Don't Anyone Panic

I can't explain it now, but we're too strong for this to be a long term problem. A good night in front of the fire.

Perception is Everything

Home from work. Downtown on my way to work, I drove by the spot where I usually pick her up from work. It turns out, it is was the same spot he would pick her up for their "outings". They had sex in the parkade of another.

In the past, Rebecca and I had drinks in a bar of one of major hotels in town. She had told me back then that her and G had met for drinks and flirted here in the past. I used to drive by and smile at the thought. It's funny how the same action can yield two different results.

It became the hotel where they first shared a room. It could have been different if she included me in her thoughts. Now I know this is where she kept her secrets. It's their hotel now. I'll have to avoid it in the foreseeable future.

Hopefully the mellow drama will stop coming to mind.


Today

Note: thanks for your comments/thoughts and emails. I'm dumping my thoughts on here, not because I want a dialogue with anyone, I just need to vent, and I have no one to talk to. Feel free to comment, I just won't be responding. Thanks for your understanding.


Tuesday

Today

I go through thoughts of wanting to leave. Then I think if I did, she would go back to him. That shouldn't be a reason to stay.

I want to leave her to punish her. I think it's not a good enough reason.

I think of when they were together and wonder what I was doing at the time.

She stopped wanting to go out for drinks with him even with my encouragement. She started seeing him without my knowledge, even though she could have seen him with me knowing. Why? Who does that? Was it too weird that I knew, or would have known? Was it more "normal" for her to haves an affair behind my back? Still feeling like a fool for lots of things.

I told other people I chatted with online that she dates but there's nothing going on sexually because she tells me everything. I said she's not interested in sex with other men because SHE TOLD ME AND I BELIEVED HER. I was so confident that I knew her.

Nights are better. Mornings are bad.

How long would this have gone on? Until she left me for him. Like other women I have known, she denied it right up until the point of being faced with overwhelming evidence. Like a common criminal, or a five year old.

The day gets worse. I took off my ring again today in a silent kind of protest.


It's 8:30, the kids are at school. I have to get motivated to get to work. I'm already drained.

Maybe I need some time away.

I am sure that at times with him she must have thought about leaving me.

I think she hid this to keep the illusion that she was a loving wife and "good" girl. She couldn't accept that it's okay to get turned on, etc. to the point where it became a huge lie. She would ignore then hide any thought or discussion about sex with another man, then she would go out and get fucked by him.

All the pictures she ever sent me were for him first. I would tell her she should send them to him. She would lie and say she's not comfortable doing that, when, in reality, I was the afterthought.
To be honest, I wouldn't have minded her sending them to me after. "look what I sent G" would have worked wonders. Instead she lied to make me feel special. That's what kills me.

It just hit me that I'm sure he saw her boudoir pics. I offered to her that she should show him. She said she couldn't because they were for me. Another lie, I'm sure.

She says she has loved/loves only me. That she doesn't want to lose everything.

I was so sure of her.

It isn't the sex, I relished the thought of it. It's the fact that we have been living this lie for the last year at least. That she intentionally hid it from me.

She still hasn't given me a reason for hiding it. I can guess the reasons, but if she can't tell me or talk about it, we're no better off than when she was having the affair.

Nothing to lose now.

It's 10am. I need to go to work.

All the times we were together. Vegas, Florida, wine country. She was emailing him continuously. All she had to do was tell me.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Where to

I discovered last night that Rebecca has had a secret email account she has been using to communicate with G. Over the last year at least, they have been meeting, emailing and professing their feelings for each other. They never used the word love, but it's pretty evident.

She has been meeting him without my knowledge and sleeping with him. She denied it up until she had no choice but admit it.

I opened this door myself. I thought we could walk through it together, but she left me behind. She says she doesn't love him, but I can no longer trust her word. She knew I had no problem with the physical part. She hid it because of the emotional part.

A warning for all of you out there. I thought I had the most honest, loving wife. I didn't. I thought she was different. She wasn't. No one ever really knows someone. We were perfect or so I thought.

I'll be wrapping this blog up now. When you go back and read the entries, remember I was a fool.

Monday, November 5, 2012