Friday, November 9, 2012

I'm Still Whining

Rebecca is still having a difficult time with this. She's extremely sad, which I can certainly understand. I feel I need to comfort her, but as bad as it sounds , part of me doesn't want to at times. She is a strong woman, so it's strange to see her wrestle with this sadness.

I still have my thoughts which could only be characterized as whining. I feel guilty for being so selfish when she's so sad. I feel I have been thoroughly ripped off. I got to experience all the bad feelings of her affair without any of the things I wanted when we started down this path. She was worried about causing pain. She can't understand that doled out by the hand of a loving, honest wife, a little pain can be leveraged into a good thing. When I get to discover it all on my own, it sucks.

I still feel like I'm lacking a full confession. Her sorrow is of course keeping her from that, but I feel it's only going to make us to bury this. If it gets buried, my thought right now is I haven't got my wife back.

In truth, I'm feeling right now that she stopped being mine the first day she lied about him. It wasn't the sex part. The first time she felt she needed to hide the truth from me marked the day she put him and her ahead of her and I. From that point on, our marriage stopped. Our bond had been broken. It's been broken for over a year and I didn't know it. That is the pain of a real affair.

I wonder what would have happened if I had confronted her differently? If I had offered her one chance and only one chance to come clean, would she have taken it? Right now I think she would have kept denying it.

Finally, when we had our fireside chat again last night, she reiterated how she didn't love him. That she cared, but it was really just a no strings attached fling. I told her how ironic it was since that was what I wanted for her from the beginning.


  1. The bond between couples.

    I personally would be very surprised if there is a single couple in the western world who knows the secrets and thoughts of their partner.

    OK so she fucked up by doing what you wanted her to without telling you but it seems that you had her on too high a pedestal and reality has kicked you in the balls. Obviously you both still love each other and neither of you are perfect and never will be.

    Live with it and fuck yourself silly like you have been.

  2. You could bury it and move on, but I think it won't help in re-building trust. The best way to move on is probably still to understand the truth and details. Perhaps if you know the details of what happened and her feelings as they happened, the secrets will not be theirs anymore. You are now part of it. It's like you experience it and become involved retroactively.

    I don't think it's a surprise that an attractive woman who's in her sexual prime falls in a passionate love affair with another guy who's probably attractive. What's disturbing is still the fact that she lies about it for so long, and perhaps even longer if not caught.

    I think if she loves you as she said, she does have a responsibility to not only be truthful going forward but also truthful about what happened, physically and emotionally. I know it's hard for her to fully understand what happened, and she won't suddenly get it over night, but over time, she should make a commitment to try to understand and reveal to you truthfully what went through her head and heart.

    I would think G would have made some sort of contact by now? When she said she forgot the phone when she went to lunch, I hope it wasn't some sort of meet and break up with G that she's not telling you about. Doesn't sound like it, but again she was able to keep a passionate affair a secret for a long time.

  3. I know this doesn't help the situation for Slider and Rebecca, but I would be totally turned on reading her explanation of how she got away with it so long. In my own marriage, I was turned on by the details of my wife's encounters with our friend, but I was for some reason even more excited by the details of how/when/where the secret meetings took place.

    Maybe knowing these details would help her feel like she was coming completely clean and give you the detail you need to move on. And get off.

  4. re the boudoir session?

    That was December last year right, so if G has been seeing her for at least a year then they were intimately involved at the time of the boudoir session. Were the photos intended for G? At the tinme you wrote about two meetings were needed for that? I wonder if the first was actually a meeting with G. The photographers around here don't schedule an intro meeting. They tell the ladies what to bring and what to expect and they show up.

    1. The boudoir pics were 2010 not 2011 my bad.