New Years Eve Day

We've been in cruise mode for the last little while, so not much in the way of news to share. I'm always thinking of course, and observing, so while Rebecca and I haven't touched on the HW thing lately, things do cross my mind.

Recently we were over at another couple's place for dinner. The wife is "L", who is the woman Rebecca went to Las Vegas with a couple of years ago. ( really, has it been that long?) Her husband is "J". If you haven't read the blog post from back then, you should, it was a fun trip for them, and they still talk about it when we get together.

L and her husband have been married a few years less than Rebecca and I. L was her husband's "first", which is something to consider since they were married in their late 20's/ early 30's. He was, and still is, a pretty quiet guy, which explains it a bit I guess.

We've gone on family vacations together and everyone gets along quite well. Over the years, J has become more comfortable around us and has even started flirting a bit with R. It's funny to watch, as he's not the most assertive guy in that respect, but Rebecca gets a kick out of his dry sense of humor.

Because of Rebecca's chats with L, I've gotten a second hand account of L and J's marriage/sex life. It sounds like he is much more of a "wham-bam, thank you ma'am" than L prefers. I think it has to do with a certain lack of experience. Don't get me wrong, we all love a quickie now and then, but I also think it's nice to take time to tease and drag out the "courtship" once in  awhile.

He often retires to his office while L watches T.V. by herself. I think that most men, myself included, don't understand that a wife needs to be courted during the day in order to be turned on at night. Ignoring her from nine to five, and expecting her to want action at night just doesn't work. As Rebecca has put it, women need to feel close to their men to have sex, and men need to have sex with their women in order to feel close.

I guess many men think it's the wife's duty to put out on demand. Getting your rocks off while your wife just lays there barely scratches the surface of what a woman is capable of sexually. Over the years, I have really appreciated those times when I can tell Rebecca  is turned on. I mean, I can take care of myself when the time comes, that is never a problem, but when she is excited, she exudes this sexuality that is had to describe because it's so discrete. In hindsight, it was there during her months of seeing G.

Going back to L and J, it's easy to see from my lofty perch what the two of them need. L needs to be seduced, preferably by her husband, but possibly by her own G. Her husband on the other hand, has to learn that a woman wants more than TV time on the couch. Given the right circumstances, a lover on the side solves many of these problems, but of course, problems can arise when the communication isn't there.

As for Rebecca and I, our sex life has been pretty good lately. I still fantasize about her with other men, but keep it filtered from her for the most part although last night my mind started to drift a bit. We were in bed, and I took off her pajama bottoms. I remembered the time awhile back during her relationship with G when at one point she turned over and offered herself to me on all fours. It was a small thing, but it was a watershed moment for me, realizing that it was the first time she had done that spontaneously.

Rebecca will read this and probably feel uncomfortable, but I hope she will understand that sometimes, I have to indulge my fantasies. It's hard to describe the feeling to someone who hasn't experienced it, but when she is bent over like that I can feel her pelvic bone pressing on the underside of my shaft, squeezing.  At the same time, the cavity in her pussy opens up and I can feel the open space around the upper part my shaft. Finally, because the angle allows me to get deep, I occasionally feel my cockhead bump into her cervix. It's an amazing combination of sensations. Combined with the knowledge that G was inside her like that, I didn't last long, which is unfortunate.

I'm at a point where I don't feel much in the way of bad feelings from her being with him, and I hope she will start to understand it. We don't need to shut out the past entirely, but rather take what good thing we can from it. I'm looking forward to 2014 with my beautiful, sexy wife.

Rebecca, if  you're reading this, I love you and I'm extremely happy with the life we've made. Happy New Year!






 

Grey's Anatomy

Rebecca and I have watched Grey's Anatomy since the series started years ago. The last episode we watched together had a couple in their mid to late sixties at the hospital. The wife of the couple had terminal cancer. During her stay in the hospital, she was interviewing women to replace her after she was gone. The twist in the story was she was interviewing the women to take care of her lover after she was gone, not to take care of her husband. Her husband was fully aware of her relationship as it had been going on for years. It was explained that both the husband and the wife had other lovers and were more like best friends.

One of the intern doctors in the show made comments to the effect that while it seems strange, the stability and strength shown by the dying lady and her husband is something to envy.

This of course got me thinking about things.

From my perspective, I will always be turned on by the thought of Rebecca with another man. I love the idea of her letting loose and enjoying her sexuality. There is no bigger turn on for me than that. 

The excitement I experienced by just the possibility that she "could" is hard to describe. There were a handful of times when she was seeing G that she came ever so slightly out of her shell and talked to me. And although I thought nothing had happenen yet, it was our little secret and I felt closer to her than ever before.

Of course that all came to a crashing halt with the discovery of what they really had going on, and what she wasn't sharing with me, but I'm mature enough now to know how difficult it would have been under the circumstances, to share something like that. 

But we were oh so close. Our sex life was on fire and I felt closer to her than ever. Not bad after fifteen years of marriage.

The catch was that in order for something like this to work, a couple must be focused on each other, and approach it by being completely selfless to each other. A wife who realizes how much she can please her husband by feeding that sexual energy back into their marriage will light a fire in their bedroom. A husband has to give himself over to his wife and experience his sexual excitement through hers. That sort of reciprocal trust is what true marriage is about.

This doesn't need to make the husband weak in the eyes of his wife. His strength comes from the strength in their relationship and knowing she will always put him and their marriage first. 

Traditionalists will argue that there are several potential pitfalls with this arrangement; that a man and woman should be sexually exclusive. It has worked that way (kind of) for centuries, and it still can work. I agree that traditional marriage can work, but I can also argue it only works half the time, possibly less. Maybe if we were a little more open to these alternative arrangements, there would be a lot more fires lit in a lot more bedrooms, and a lot fewer broken marriages.

Rebecca and I came very close. We both acted very "human", which I believe kept us from making that successful jump. Now we're back safely on the solid ground of our monogamous marriage, and I am thankful for it. Maybe one day, as we both mature, we'll have another opportunity to take our level of trust and communication up a level.

The Old Days

It's been long enough that I think I can reflect accurately on things. Looking back, it's easy to have pointed a finger at Rebecca and blame her for hiding the G fling. 

I don't look back as often as I used to, but when I do now, I can pinpoint the times when I had given her every reason to be worried about my reaction, had she told me.

Even in the initial stages when I saw her starting to branch out, my reactions and jealousy would have given her every reason to be discrete. 

At the time, it was unnerving to have gently pushed her in that direction, with her fighting it, only to see signs that she was actually attracted to him. The protracted dance of "I'm not interested", to snooping through her texts to learn it was the opposite was more than my maturity level could handle, and she would have realized that back then.

She was enjoying herself, but most likely  feeling guilty about it. She's not a great communicator and I'm too much of a thinker. 

Quite honestly, if I went through this again, knowing what I now know, I would still be challenged by the emotions I would go through. 

No offense to the "slut wives" out there, but Rebecca isn't anything like them. She has had a grand total of three men in her lifetime. I think knowing that she is that discerning contributed to the angst I felt when things were developing with G. It's hard to control that emotion. 

Oddly enough, it's the angst that I miss now. I remember her heading out for drinks in the evening, and even though I thought it was innocent at the time, the feelings were incredible. 

Another thing I used to love was getting the occasional text near the end of the day saying that she was invited out for a drink and "is that okay?" It was something very hard to describe. 

Anyway, that's all I have for now. She's a great woman, wife, mom, milf. I do miss the "old days", but I'm grateful beyond belief that after all this drama, she ended up with me.

One Year

I just realized it was a year ago today that I discovered Rebecca had been sleeping with G. We're doing well, other than I still can't shake this fantasy of her dating other men.

Rebecca has been the perfect wife, reinforcing that she will never go down that path again. I'm very happy that she loves me as much as she does, considering I had a large part to play in her affair. 

She's a beautiful, sexy woman, and I love her more than anything.  You would think after all we've been through, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near it. It's a tough fantasy to shake. 

Sounds like Lasagna

I asked Rebecca last night if I could record the audio of us. She said yes, so I laid my iPhone beside us. I wasn't sure how well it would pick up the sounds, but I think it turned out quite well. This is what Rebecca sounds like. I have to say, it's even better the next day. Kind of like lasagna.

I couldn't get it to load as a video here, so I had to link it to a google drive. It's an mp4; don't leave it in your iTunes.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_mtJCw6IMxhdDRXYTlGYTFEQ00/edit?usp=sharing

Blurting it out

Yesterday Rebecca and I found out that a couple we know is getting divorced. Apparently, the wife found out the husband had been having an affair over the last three years. We always thought they weren't a happy couple, so it didn't really come as a surprise.

Whenever things like this come up, there's always Rebecca's affair in the back of our minds. I'm pretty sure she still feels some guilt about it. Of course I have different thoughts.

Last night we crawled into bed and assumed our sleeping position, which incidentally is spooning (her in front). Her monthly visitor is here, so sex wasn't on the agenda. 

As we were laying there, she said, "I love you." Which she followed up with, " You could have thrown me out."

I replied, " That wasn't going to happen." Then I laughed and she asked me, "What?"

"I think I'm wired differently than most husbands." I told her.

She asked, "Why is that?" She was still laying facing away from me. 

I took her hand and put it behind her back on my covered, but hard cock. "Because this is what thinking of you with him does to me."

She turned around and, I could tell she was getting a little emotional, most likely still feeling guilty, if I know her.

We started to kiss and she kept rubbing me through my shorts. It didn't take long for her hand to find its way inside my waist band to my bare cock. She was kissing me hard, and I was kissing back harder. 

"I get so hard every day like this, thinking of it." I confessed.

She kept kissing me and stroking. My hand found her breast under her nightshirt and her nipple was a rock under my fingers.

She pulled my shorts off and I rolled onto my back. I knew what was in store. She worked her way down and wasted no time in taking my cock into her mouth. It felt amazing. 

From that point on I don't remember my exact words, but I do remember thinking of her doing this exact thing to G. I wanted to be clear with her where I stood. 

"I love it that you slept with him."

For whatever reason, when she heard that she began sucking extra hard. Having her react like that, knowing what I had just said aloud to her, pushed me over the edge and I came hard.

She swallowed quickly and kept sucking until I couldn't take it any longer. I pulled her off gently and she came up to my face and kissed me, pushing her tongue into my mouth. 

"I love you." I said. 

"I love you so much." She replied and we resumed our spooning position. 

Stuck in Traffic

Posting from my phone. R texted to say she's going for a drink with V. He must have been working late on Friday.

Reservations are for 6. 13 mins to make it on time.

Epilogue:

I picked up Rebecca and we made it to our dinner on time. Afterwards we went to a local sports bar and people watched.  Her earlier drink with V was uneventful; they just talked about work. I never expected anything more.

It was a pretty quiet evening, but I liked just having the two of us out together without the kids for a change. 

My parents were staying with us so Rebecca stayed to talk with my mom while I headed up to bed. I had planned to stay awake until she got up, but the next thing I knew my alarm was going off.  I must be getting old.

Date Night

Date night tonight for Rebecca and I. We'll be trying a new restaurant that she's been to once before with her girlfriend "L". 

L is the one who Rebecca went to Vegas with a couple of years ago when this fantasy was just starting to ramp up for me. Anyway, I digress. Anyone interested can look back at my "Vegas" post from back then. I think it was in November a couple of years back.

I can't explain why, but while we're at dinner part of me hopes she'll use that time to confess something to me, voluntarily. 

That probably won't happen, so in the meantime, I'll enjoy moments like I had this morning when I saw her panties laying on the floor of our room. That sight sets off a flood of thoughts and memories. 

 

Shower

I got home this morning after the boy's hockey practice to find Rebecca in the shower. I had my phone with me so I snapped a couple of shots. The east light was shining at a low angle and it lit her body quite nicely.

Of course she's shy, saying she feels "flabby". I totally disagree. When it's wet, her body is like a dolphin, taut and slick. 

Wet

Rebecca  got back from Phoenix yesterday. She was there with my mom and sister to shop, so it was pretty tame. In bed last night she asked if I got her email. It was sent to my personal account , and since I was busy with the kids and work, I missed it.

It was short and to the point. The subject said "Wet", and she wrote, "It's been too long" in the body of the message. 

She was definitely wet last night, and although I masturbated while she was gone, it felt so good to be inside her. 

I found myself alternating between her wet pussy and her mouth. I thought I would buy myself some time with the change up. It didn't help much and during the second session of her sucking my cock,  I lost control and came in her mouth.

I knew I owed it to her allow her to finish as well, so as my orgasm was subsiding, I re-entered her wet pussy. The warmth  actually caused me to continue to cum, and I felt myself shoot a few more times.

Even while I was at that sensitive point, I kept pumping her. We kissed, and I could taste and smell me on her lips. Realizing that, I started to get closer to another orgasm. At that point, I was grinding my pubic bone against her hip, and I could tell she was getting closer.

I had a fleeting thought of having another man there to take over for me in case I couldn't stay hard enough to finish. That was enough to push me over. The sound of her hard moans and the smell of cum on her breath did it. I started to cum again.

There couldn't have been that much to shoot in her, but the twitching seemed to finally push her over the edge. She came hard and loud. It was  the loudest I can remember her being. Her pussy was contracting as she came, and I collapsed on top of her. 

My wife is so fucking hot. 

My Weakness

I gave Rebecca a massage last night, which of course ended in sex. As I finished her massage, I started to finger her pussy. She's been keeping it pretty trimmed lately, so she was very smooth.

I couldn't resist any longer and I climbed on top of her and pushed myself inside of her warm pussy. It's amazing how tight she is and I could feel my cock getting squeezed on all sides.

She responds really well to being pumped quite hard, with long strokes, but I find it difficult to keep going without cumming. I don't know how the porn stars do it.

She was grabbing my hips and ramming my cock in and out of her body. I bottomed out each time and I felt my balls slap into her ass.

Eventually I had to change it up, so I had her climb on top of me. This is her favorite position and she usually cums quite easily. I'm also able to keep from cumming as she rocks and grinds with me fully inside of her.

Every once in awhile, she will use a technique which I enjoy a bit too much. She moved her feet to either side of my hips and squatted on my cock. She then moved her pussy up and down, with her wet hole being the only point of contact.

I felt her lips slide up my shaft all the way to my engorged head, then all the way back down until I bottomed out in her. It was a really exquisite form of massage. I always warn her that I won't last that way, but sometimes I think she just wants to milk the cum from me. I came very hard and very quick. I would challenge any man to last longer. 

Camping and Greener Grass

Sorry for the lack of posts. The summer has been pretty busy. We spent some time on the coast with the kids, and had a pretty good family vacation. Rebecca and I really need to get away as a couple this winter, but it'll have to wait until the timing (and funds) permit.

Things have been very good between us, and I consider myself quite lucky to have her. She is all over me day to day. It's good to have come through what we did, and now be even stronger as a couple.

Honestly, I still think daily about her starting to see someone again. I can't explain why, but the thought is still there. I guess I'm still attracted to the honesty and trust that have to exist to have your wife dating. I've been keeping my thoughts from Rebecca for the most part, because I know that it's not at all on her radar, and I'm quite happy to have things remain as they are.

There are always little crossover things in day to day life that I believe are relevant to my school of thought. For instance, we were camping with married friends of ours last weekend when we got into a discussion around the fire about infidelity and marriages breaking up, etc. We all knew of couples breaking up over affairs. I shared a thought with the couple we were camping with, saying how I think the idea of leaving your husband for a lover was ridiculous, considering that a woman will find similar flaws with her lover once the shine has worn off.

Keep in mind, that this friend (as far as I know) has no knowledge of Rebecca's fling from last year. This is the friend I mentioned a few posts back who was licking her chops as she ran behind a well built black man on the running path.

I went on to say that it's understandable for couples to get caught up in everyday life and that a little fling might actually rejuvenate the marriage. Her friend was, or acted quite shocked. She said that I was referring to an open marriage. I said call it what you want, but it takes a certain level of honesty to admit to your partner that you get turned on by someone else.

There was some more discussion, but I did go on to say that I didn't want an open marriage for myself, as I was "way too tired" for that. I only was noting how odd it is that people leave their spouses to run off with their lovers, only to find the grass isn't greener, when they would have been way better off staying with their husbands and just trying the other field until they got tired of it.

Rebecca let me carry on with them, and I tried my best to not make her feel conspicuous during our discussion, although I think I wasn't completely successful. As for Rebecca's friend, her husband isn't exactly "stud" material, so maybe the HW approach would appeal to her. She had quite a high sex drive in college according to Rebecca, so it's hard to believe it just disappeared.

Time will tell.

Soap

Rebecca had dinner with a good friend of hers last night. She has kept her somewhat up to date on the G issue, although Rebecca has kept a few key pieces of info from "N", including the fact that Rebecca and G slept together.

N has always known about Rebecca and G meeting for lunch and drinks, kind of like I did. According to Rebecca, she doesn't know about the sex, and she doesn't know my role in all this.

Rebecca did tell N last week that G's wife posted a comment to her blog about running around with a married man. Last night at dinner, N told Rebecca that she did a non-indexed search for G's wife and didn't come up with much.

Now I'm pretty certain N isn't very computer savvy, so she would have relied on her husband to help her, who works in the industry. This of course leads me to think the two of them have speculated on what really happened between Rebecca and G.

On another note, I happened to drive by G's office the other day. Before anyone yells "stalker", I was literally a block away, and Rebecca had told me ages ago approximately where his office was.

I was headed back from a meeting, so I decided to google the location. I know, that part was a little stalkerish. Anyway, I drove by without stopping, but did have a quick vision in my head of her on his desk. ( something I read months ago in the emails).

So last night, Rebecca joined me in the hot tub when she got home from dinner, where she told me about N, and the futile internet search of G's wife.

I told her about my drive-by and she went on to talk a little about the sex. She said that the first time they slept together was when he had booked the hotel but that the sex wasn't very good. She went on to say that he invited her to join him the next morning, since he didn't have to check out until 11:00. She said she declined because the "action" wasn't that good and that I was way better.

I asked her right away, "If it wasn't that good, what about his office desk?"

"Oh, that was different" was her answer.

We had some really good action ourselves last night, maybe partially fueled by the discussion.

This all reminds me of the old TV show, "Soap", particularly at the end if each episode when the announcer's voice would come on and recap the whole complicated plot line.

"Will G ever sleep with Rebecca again?"

"Will N and her husband figure out that Rebecca had a fling?"

"Will Rebecca eventually embrace her sexuality and make Slider's head explode?"

"Tune in next week for the answers to these questions and more on...Soap."

The Table

Rebecca and I drove out to my parents today. The kids have been staying out there, about a two hour drive from our place. We're staying the night and heading back tomorrow. The kids will stay with my mom and dad for one more week, a welcome break in our summer holiday.

As per usual, Dad and I spent some time downstairs playing pool. You see, I was raised on a 5x10 snooker table. Dad bought it years before I was born. Every house we lived in was chosen or built on the ability to house "the table". Our game of choice was snooker, although occasionally we slummed it with 8-ball.

The table has stayed in its current location for approximately the last thirty years. Dad was meticulous when he set it up. For a table almost a hundred years old, it has held its own.

Growing up, when I had girl problems or needed time to think, I would go downstairs and shoot. For anyone familiar with snooker, I would practice the familiar 27 pt order of yellow, green, brown, blue, pink then black. Over and over.

I don't play much any more, but when I come home, I pick up without losing a beat. As corny as it sounds, the table is like a part of me now. I win when i feel good and I lose when I don't.

Dad is over seventy now, so I win quite regularly. He insists that I never let him win, and because he never let me win, I oblige him. We always know where we stand when it comes to the game. He moves around the table slowly nowadays, but he surprises me with a sharp shot quite often. If I had to get poetic about it, I would guess it's the table just letting me know now and then where I stand.

Love, Lust and Romance

Nothing further has come from G's wife. We'll keep our fingers crossed. As for G, he's been silent as well, which I can understand.

I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't want him to contact Rebecca. I really can't explain it. I never want to lose her, but I'm still drawn to the thoughts of her seeing him.

I was reading a post on OHW which might help explain it. The guy who wrote it was a "boyfriend" of a married woman. He had a good grip on the dynamic.

He identified three elements in a marriage; love, lust and romance. He acknowledged that her and her husband had an abundance of love and that his role was simply to help with the other two categories.

Rebecca and I have never been short of any of these in our marriage. Having said that, as I look back in time to when she was seeing G, I recognize that there was an added level of both of Lust and Romance during that time.

Although she may never admit it, I know she enjoyed the dance of getting to know him, going out for drinks and chatting. What she doesn't understand is that I enjoyed that part too. I can't say exactly why. I wasn't trying to pawn my wife off, but knowing she was desirable to other men lit a fire in me.

In terms of Lust, I think she finds it difficult to allow herself to feel it. There's no doubt that she did feel Lust over the course of their relationship, and I think it's the reason she feels bad or embarrassed now. She shouldn't, although I understand that she would feel that way. I was turned on immensely just knowing she can experience Lust like that.

As for the romance, I think it gets difficult to escape the daily grind in order for married people to romance each other. I also don't think it is bad that she was romantic with him. I think women need that. It's not to say she doesn't experience that with me, it's just that it isn't often enough. Her dates had some level of romantic escape, and oddly enough, I benefited from it as well. Women like Rebecca need romance to feel sexy. When she feels sexy, I benefit. (Got that honey? I want you to date again.)

On another note, I have been texting with her today, trying to get her to take off her panties at work. She's wearing a new dress, similar to the one pictured here.

She texted back and asked, "What if I get drippy?". She's at a very wet time of month for her, close to ovulation, so it's likely she would "get drippy".

All the better in my opinion. I like the idea of her at her desk, dripping wet.

Mrs. G?

Rebecca writes a family blog where she keeps it updated with things the kids are doing along with other family oriented content. It's been a good record of our kids growing up as well as family things we've done over the years. And no, I'm not providing a link.

Last week, she found a comment which alluded to Rebecca "running around" with a married man. Rebecca deleted it immediately and turned off commenting on her blog. Fortunately, her readership isn't that large, so she was able to delete it before a family member saw it.

She told me about it and we assume that G's wife has finally found out about them. Rebecca assures me that she hasn't seen or communicated with him since that coffee last December.

She's a little unnerved that his wife would make contact with her in such a passive aggressive way. I did my best to assure her that it was just a way for her to lash out at her husband's liaison.

It is strange, though because the blog isn't easy to find, even if you google the right words. It took some effort on her part and Rebecca said she never told G about the blog.

My assumption is that Mrs. G found G's email account and this all came to a head last week, when she decided to look up Rebecca. I'll try not to turn this into a debate about infidelity, but I wouldn't put the fault of this affair totally into Rebecca's court. G is the one who took the step of booking that initial hotel room. It just unfolded from there. Hell, according to him, he and his wife would go for up to six months at a time without sex. Knowing that, I'm surprised it took him so long to make a move on Rebecca.

My perspective on this whole thing is, for lack of a better word, "unique". I have been in Mrs. G's shoes, having been surprised by my spouse's affair. The key difference is the role I played in creating Rebecca's affair. My brief but intense pain was bookended by feelings of lust and intense sexual attraction for my wife.

I have to admit that over the last couple of months, sex has been quite "regular" between us. It's always good, don't get me wrong, but it has been without the edge I experienced over the last year and a half.

This simple contact from G's wife has reminded me of what Rebecca did with him. It reminds me that she can be purely sexual and it pulls me to her even more.

I like the fact that Rebecca told me about this contact from G's wife right away. We have talked on and off about it over the weekend, and I feel closer to my wife than ever. It's her and I getting through this together, and I can tell she's relieved that she's able to confide in me. We'll see what happens next.

Morning Thoughts

Rebecca told me in casual conversation that another guy, J, was texting her from the golf course on Friday. He is in the company, and I met him when we were in Vegas. He's a big, pretty fat guy who is a bit of a blow hard.

Rebecca told me he was telling his golfing companions how hot she is. He also asked her for a pair of her panties.

This morning I'm thinking how hot it would be if she couriered him a pair without saying who it was from. She's at the company gym this morning in her Lulu's. They show off her ass so nicely.

Last night she asked what she should wear to work today, so I requested her black and white skirt with stayups. She looked hot on her way out today.

Much Ado About Nothing

We've had a busy weekend do far. The kids have had a lot on the go, so we've been acting as chauffeurs. Somehow we managed to get some yard work done in between bouts of rain.

Rebecca is showering upstairs while I'm having a coffee. Something she said yesterday kind of came back to me.

I think I had written about a guy from her company (different city) previously who she has developed a a basic friendship with.

I'm not sure what to call it, as things progress differently these days when it comes to relationships. They met through work, but they're in different cities, so they hardly have seen each other.

They've "friended" each other on Facebook, which is no big deal to me, but it would be an issue for a more "vanilla" husband. For me, well, you know.. Unlike a normal husband, I smile a little when she tells me about little things like that.

Her most recent comment was yesterday. I was sitting with her as she was browsing her Facebook page. There was a post from M showing pictures from a recent trip. Rebecca commented how he looks good for having just turned fifty.

Again, a typical husband may have taken exception with his wife commenting about another man like that. I honestly never even thought about it until this morning.

Rebecca always makes friends easily with men, almost easier than she does with women, so it isn't any big deal. She is going to his city later this month for a quick overnight trip, so i wouldn't be surprised if she found a moment to meet for a quick drink or coffee.

Of course, it would be a little exciting for me if she did choose to meet him, but I'll be fine if she chooses not to. She'll be with her people from her group, and she's on a pretty tight schedule, so there may not be an opportunity.

Some Pics

I've been meaning to post some new pictures of my lovely wife, but I wanted to clear it with her first. In light of the past six months, I thought it would be something we could enjoy together. She gets an ego boost and I get the turn on of knowing others find my wife hot.

This morning she left at her usually early time and I was tempted to post a few then, but I sent her a text instead asking if she'd mind if I posted some pictures.

She sometimes gets busy in meetings at work, so it took a little while for her to respond. She eventually gave me the go ahead, with the caveat that they can't make her look bad. I told her that was impossible.

I would love to hear your comments and although she won't say so, she is curious too. All I ask is that you leave the past out of any comments. We're moving on. Enjoy... I do.

Reassurance

I was in a bit of a bad mood over the last couple weeks. It coincided with a nine day stretch of no sex due to Rebecca traveling, then coming home with a bad head cold.

I've found that the longer I abstain, the less I seem to care about sex. Maybe it's my body's way of shutting down during dry spells.

Unfortunately, while I'm in this sexless fog, I also get a bit testy. I tend to focus on things like work, and other household projects. I become a lot more practical, with both my work and my relationships This tends to translate into a shortness with everyone around me, including Rebecca and the kids. Sweets, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. It's hard to articulate an explanation. It's a little easier to write.

Rebecca noticed my funk and mentioned it. One night during her head cold, she even attempted initiating action with me. I knew she had no desire for sex herself, so I gently told her she should get some rest.

We eventually did have action a couple nights ago, and as usual it was very good. I really do need her to enjoy it for me to get satisfaction. I guess I get off on her getting off.

It's funny how I can go from accepting having no sex to not wanting to ever go without feeling her body against me. I don't like to think I'm that one-dimensional, but I just might be.

During my celibate time, I had some other thoughts bouncing around in my head which go back to the G circumstances.

Looking back, what I think I needed was for her to enjoy herself but to confide in me. Like most people, I'm sure I've been cheated on in the past by girlfriends. I guess I hoped that by me giving her this freedom and by her sharing it with me, we would eliminate one last barrier or taboo or whatever.

I think in my mind's version of the perfect situation, she would have had her affair but kept me in the loop. I will readily admit that the idea is a huge turn on for me. There would be times when I was feeling insecure, much the same as a husband who had a suspicion his wife was cheating.

The key difference in my ideal situation is that the open affair would allow her to reassure me in those times of feeling vulnerable. There's something to be said for feeling that exposed, only to have her tell me she loved me and wouldn't trade us for the world. At that point, everything else is stripped away in terms of emotion, and you're left with each other.

I guess we went through that with the G affair, only it was in massive, overdose levels of love, pain and love again. A little more controlled dosage would have addressed the painful aspect of it, particularly as it affected Rebecca.

I know without a doubt that the guilt she feels now could have been reduced and possibly eliminated with communication. At the same time I know she held back telling me because of the mixed signals I gave her leading up to the actual affair, so I don't blame her for being afraid to tell me.

It's harder than you might think when you realize your wife is beginning to like another man. No matter how secure you feel in your relationship, feelings of jealousy will pop up. Ideally, you talk about it together to address and diffuse it, but there will always be the natural and destructive tendency to avoid and hide those feelings. We definitely fell into that pattern. Fortunately, it didn't break us, it just gave each of us a few battle scars.

It's full on spring here. As I was getting the kids ready for school this morning I realized how fortunate I have been. I have two great, healthy kids and an unbelievably intelligent, fit, attractive wife who, despite my shortcomings and best efforts to fuck it all up, loves me dearly. Not bad.

Blowjob

Rebecca mentioned something the other day when we were on the topic of blowjobs. I can't remember how we got there, but it may have had something to do with the fact that she has had her monthly visitor, and we had been out of action for what seemed like forever.

She said something like, " I got the impression you didn't want them from me anymore". This goes back to when I was still quite upset about the G fiasco, and I pulled her back up one night when she went down on me.

At the time, I felt she was doing it because I knew she had "taken care of him" in a parkade in his vehicle. In all honesty, the thought of her doing that turns me on immensely. In fact I have used the thought of her doing that as "inspiration" many a morning since.

What I didn't want was a mercy blowjob as I think many men could relate to.

Last night however, I was laying on top of her kissing those wonderful lips, and I simply said, " I really do want you to suck my cock."

She giggled, but then said seriously,
"Bring it up to me."

I leaned over her head, and she started by lightly licking my balls and perineum. She worked her way up the underside of my shaft, licking it so well. Most men should know what I'm talking about. I could spend hours with her simply gliding her tongue against the underside of my shaft and head.

Eventually, she got to my head, which I'm sure was leaking. She pulled it into her mouth. She has a way of sucking very hard without hurting me. It's like I can feel the pressure change all the way down to my testicles. Like she's trying to pull my cum from me without my help.

I had to slow it down a little, as images of her were flooding my head. Good images.. too good. I pulled away from her mouth and climbed down on top of her.

As I pushed inside her wetness, we kissed. I'm not sure why, but I noticed how warm her mouth was. It had to be because of how warm I was.

As I pumped her, I started telling her a fantasy of when we were eighteen and how I should have seduced her in my cousin's trailer one summer.

I didn't get too far into it when I was overcome by my orgasm. It didn't even sneak up on me. I just exploded. She moaned in a bit of surprise and I emptied myself into her. It was so sudden, I don't think she had a chance to cum. I'll have to make it up to her tonight

"Ask Me Anything"

Rebecca attended a play this past weekend with another former roommate. They went for drinks afterwards and the conversation had several interesting points. During their discussion, Rebecca learned that her happily married friend still fantasizes about her former boyfriend. In the same breath, she told Rebecca how she was recently running behind an athletic black man. She found herself following him, admiring his body. Her next revelation to Rebecca was, given the chance, she would have sex with a black man like this.

According to Rebecca, her friend,"S" knows nothing of Rebecca and G, except that Rebecca had met him for drinks a couple of times. She had asked Rebecca if anything "else" happened and Rebecca said no.

These two have been friends since grade school, so I have my doubts that S believed Rebecca. To be honest, I wouldn't have a problem with Rebecca confiding in her friend. I would argue they both have similar thoughts on the subject of sex and marriage. They just won't admit it to each other. ( let alone their husbands)

Last night we had an old friend and former roommate of Rebecca's, "J" over for a glass of wine. It had been several years since we saw her, and one glass soon turned into a couple bottles of red.

"J" said we need to come to her place this summer when she hosts a block party. Coincidentally, she's neighbours with G, although she doesn't know him. I made the connection in my head as she told us about the party. Rebecca said we would try to be there and I wondered how that would play out if G showed up.

When she left, Rebecca and I were all over each other in a bit of a drunken rush. As she was lying naked on her back, Rebecca said I could ask her anything, meaning about her and G. I pushed inside my wife, feeling her around me. God, she felt good. I asked her,"anything"? She confirmed it as I pumped her. Even after the wine, I needed to slow down. My mind was racing.

I felt her hard nipples on my hand and began to gently squeeze them. She used to tell me she was too sensitive there, up until about a year ago so I asked her if he was the one who taught her to like her nipples squeezed, and she nodded yes, gasping a little.

I had so many questions that used to bother me, but now turn me on. I pushed into her and asked if he pushed deep like that. She nodded again.

We were both pretty drunk, so our inhibitions were lowered. I rolled over and she climbed onto me. When I was back inside her, I asked her if she liked when he held her hips as she rode him.

Then I asked if she came with him. She rode me and said , "not always." She kept rocking on my cock, and I wanted clarification. I asked if she ever came on his cock. She answered with a "breathy" yes.

I wanted to continue, but I couldn't last. I came hard, and she followed right behind. We collapsed into each other and I told her I loved her.

Soon after, she teared up and said she loved me more than I'll ever know. I reassured her, saying that that is all I ever wanted. It is.

As long as I know she loves me above any other man, I'm comfortable and happy. I find the sex they had to be so exciting to think about, knowing she discovered new things about her body. Knowing she shared that with him and still puts me first makes me feel ... I don't know how to describe it..amazingly happy would be a start.

Her friend, S has these thoughts about other men that she won't share with her husband. I feel that now, if Rebecca had similar impulses, she would be closer to being able to share them with me. I like knowing that.

A Good Day

While I was at work, just before lunch today, Rebecca and I were texting:

Her: So I am going to lunch with R today.

Me: Who is R?

Her: Knew him in uni. Married to the truck...

Me: Oh, friend of J's?

Her: That's the one.

Me: If he's married to a truck, you'd better watch the vibe. I seem to recall this morning through my squinted eyes that you looked really good. :)

Her: You're funny. I'm in a meeting now so I'll be silent for a bit.

Me: ;)

Her: Heading over now.

Me: Where are you meeting?

Me: I'm going to get a Hungarian sandwich.

Me: Just picked you up a couple pairs of hanky pankys.

Her: C*** in B*****. Thanks for my panties. What color? :)

Me: It's a surprise. I don't think you have them.

Her: Ok, thanks!

Me: C*****? How was it?

Her: I got the #21 equivalent. It was good. (#21 is our favourite Vietnamese dish)

Me: How is R?

Her: R is the same, except he went down hill in certain areas.

Me: Lol. Such as?

Her: Seems shorter, balder, spaced teeth.

Me: Ouch. Triple threat.

Her: Ha, ha! Still nice though. Just not hot. ;)

Me: Speaking of hot, I need a model for these panties in my pocket..:)

Her: I have a white sheet for a background drop if you need...

On my drive home at the end of the day, I called the house and we had a great chat. Rebecca filled me in on her lunch. It was completely innocent, but more importantly, she shared the details. We talked, and it felt good.

Of course, since it was all innocent, there was no pressure, but what put me in a good mood for the rest of the evening was how she ended the call.

She said, " I knew you'd want to hear about my lunch date."

On another note, I shredded the G emails before I left the office.

Good Question..

Thank you for all your comments. As for why I read the emails, I think I read them in their entirety for  a couple of reasons. First of all,  I never got through all of them to begin with. It was pretty painful at first,  so I just couldn't do it.

But, I felt I needed to confront the content in the emails. Now that I have read them , and accepted the realizations I wrote about above, I do feel a lot better about this whole thing. There is even a part of me that is happy for her that she was able to experience the good things in their relationship.

Reading

I'm not sure what possessed me, but I dug out the stack of printed emails I had from November. It was the correspondence between them, and it's pretty intimate.

Rebecca won't like that I revisited it, she's very uncomfortable about the whole thing.

To be honest, I never read through them completely the first time around. I guess this was more of a test as to whether any of it bothers me now as much as it did before.

The emails weren't that graphic in nature sexually, but it is the intimacy that strikes home for me. When I originally brought up the idea years ago that she could take a lover, she said it would never happen because she needs to care about a man she sleeps with.

Again, it was the intimacy in her words that caused the pit in my stomach. That was the reason I needed it to end. It was her expressions of affection that made me "chicken out". Trust me, I have often thought I should have kept my mouth shut and let them carry on.

The words I read today reaffirmed to me that I made the right decision.

When I asked her about her feelings back in November, she said that those words were just a game for her, and that she didn't have any deep feelings for him. Of course this contradicts her comment years ago about having to care for someone before having sex.

The truth is out there, and it probably goes something like this: She did or does care about him, but felt she had to save my feelings at a time when I was pretty devastated.

The alternative is that she got past her need to have feelings for a lover, and it was all about the sex.

I know what I believe. To be brutally honest, I love her because she is the type of woman who needs to care about someone. But that's also why it hits me so deeply. I now know she's capable of caring for someone else. It's not necessarily a bad thing, providing she isn't swept away from me. She wasn't.

The internet is crawling with "slut wives" and the like. What makes Rebecca so special, and what made this so amazingly gut-wrenching is that she is anything but a slut. Her caring for G was just another level of sharing her I couldn't handle, but yet was something I craved. Hell, I still do. And I still can't. Go figure.

What I Liked About My Wife's Affair

I think we've turned the corner on Rebecca's "affair". We've made it clear with each other that there's no chance we would ever leave one another. She said she was extremely scared that I would leave her.

Honestly, for me it was the fact that she hid it from me that made me doubt her love. I was worried she would be the one leaving. According to her, that was never the case.

Now that the dust has settled, there are several aspects of her I can confess I enjoyed during that time.

There was a little more of a jump in her step, and while she's always been a gym rat, she seemed to work out even more. Her body has always been great, but the thought that she was working out to look even better is something I find exciting even more now.

She always dresses well, but the matching bra and panties have more meaning now. She still wears her stay-ups and work skirts/dresses but now that I know I'm not losing her, the idea that she was sending pictures to him of her undressing is pretty erotic. Don't even get me started on the rest of it, although Rebecca isn't interested in discussing it. I can tell it still hurts her, so I lay off it.

I think G will always be a sore spot for us, which is too bad. I know she enjoyed seeing him, but neither one of us would ever go back there.

Every once in awhile, she'll tell me that she senses I'm thinking about something; that I'm quiet. It worries her. In reality, I'm quiet because I'm thinking and rethinking how I acted and how much I really did like how sexy she was. She still is sexy, but it's hard to explain how I could miss feeling like that.

Now she's pretty adamant she will never do this again. Once in awhile she will say that she has "been good". I guess I'm hoping someday she'll tell me she has been "a little bad."

Born Again Virgin

We arrived home from our tropical vacation on Saturday morning after a red eye flight home. The good news is the kids are small enough to comfortably sleep on an airplane. Not so with us.

We enjoyed the trip, but we shared a hotel room with the kids, so sex was a no go. When we were packing up on our last day, Rebecca said she felt like she was a born again virgin. I was exhausted Saturday, so I fell asleep on her. Sunday night I made up for it.

Tonight, we're chilling out in front of the TV. Rebecca is laying on my lap as I massage her back. Apparently one of our sprints though the airport carrying our bags did something to her back.

I'm massaging with one hand and blogging with the other. I just ran my hand across her upper hip/lower back and she moaned her appreciation.

As I type this, my hand is on her left ass cheek. It feels cold to my touch. She has spread her legs now and my right hand is massaging the inside of her thigh. It's very smooth.

Her back just twitched. Luckily she has a massage booked for Wednesday..

My Favourite Pair

Rebecca really only wears one type of panty. They're called a "Hanky Panky", and I'm often the one to buy them for her, since a store in my building started carrying them. This pair is my current favorite. I took them off her last night and this is where they ended up. She has been pretty wet and excited the past few days, due to ovulating and her looking forward to our upcoming vacation, so I couldn't resist.

On another note, I took care of a few outstanding household items the other day and when I texted her to tell her they were done, she texted back that she owed me. When I asked what she owed me, she replied with "blank cheque".

It doesn't take much to get my mind wandering.

Moving On

It's strange how easily we've moved on from the whole G thing. At the time I know it felt quite bleak. I'm pretty certain she hasn't been in touch with him. The last time I brought him up, she started to cry from her guilt. She said she doesn't regret many things in life, but that's one thing she regrets.

For obvious reasons, I've laid off the HW thing. In a way, I think that labels can ruin it. She's a truly sexy woman. Her outgoing personality allows her to be comfortable around men, and she still has several men she stays in contact with but G isn't one of them.

I really do still enjoy when she mentions someone IM'ing her at work, because I know they can't help but be attracted to her. This past weekend we were on the couch while she traded texts with an older guy in her company. Nothing sexual in nature was said mind you, but there was nothing work related either. Of course, she'll downplay it.

We're heading somewhere warm on Friday for a week with the kids, so at the very least, I'll have a week of seeing her turning heads in her bikini.

Home from Work

Rebecca likes to rest for a few minutes after work. Today I was home early so I was able to join her. Being a good sport, she also let me snap a few pictures. I'm still a fan of the stayups.

In a Meeting

Rebecca and I are on slightly different schedules in order to get the kids off to school and back again. She meets them at the bus stop after school to walk them home.

Last week as she was heading home, she jokingly texted me saying I should meet her at home for a quickie. My schedule was clear that afternoon, so I drove the ten minutes and met her at home.

She laughed when I met her at the front door, and we went upstairs together. She was wearing a skirt, (professional type/dress), so when we got up to our room, I promptly arranged for her to bend over on our bed.

I lifted her skirt and lowered her panties. She was pretty wet already, so I was able to get quite deep quite quickly. I'd like to say she came hard, but in situations like this, i.e. the quickie, it's more about me. I thrust several times going deep and hard, with her skirt lifted over her hips.

Several thoughts went through my mind as I looked down at her work skirt all hiked up. They pushed me over the edge sooner than I would have liked. I came quite quickly, and as I did, she pushed back hard to get me as deep as possible.

We quickly cleaned up and she walked down to get the kids. I wasn't going to blog about it, until she sent me this text this morning.

"Thanks for bringing my phone. You looked cute. And just so you know my skirt had some remnants of the afternoon you came home early. :)"

I'm not sure what's hotter, the afternoon I came home early, or the thought that she's at work right now, in a meeting, with my stains on her skirt.

A Teaser Sent to Me at Work

Rebecca sent me these today. We're heading to the hot tub tonight. I thought they were worth posting..