One Pile to Another

This past Friday Rebecca went out for drinks with two of her closest girlfriends. One of them, J, has never married, but has done pretty well career wise. The other, S, married, but Rebecca and I both think she settled in order to start a family. 

Both of these friends have an inkling of Rebecca’s extra-curricular activities. Coincidentally, J is neighbors with the object of Rebecca’s affection from her first affair, G. This is purely coincidence, as G and his wife live on J’s block.

According to R, Friday’s wine conversation centred around the idea of happiness, marriage and affairs. Rebecca’s thesis was that you don’t need to be unhappy in a marriage to have an affair, or to see others, and you certainly don’t need to love the person you have an affair with. Her thought was there are always feelings, but she’s at a point in life where there’s a very limited number of people she loves. 

Her definition of love is based on who she would jump in front of a bus to save. Our kids and yours truly make that cut. Other people, she said she would miss, but she wouldn’t step out past the curb in sacrifice. 

Her friend, S has a similar definition of love, although I’m not sure her husband would make the cut. I’ve known both of these friends for over twenty-five years, and I’m happy to say we’re all fond of each other. Although they’re not privy to my views on Rebecca’s fun. It’s actually comforting to hear that they’re looking out for me. J actually told Rebecca on Friday “don’t screw it up”, referring to our relationship.

Back to S. She’s come close to having an affair or two, but as far as we know she hasn’t fully engaged. She was always the wilder of the three in college , and I get a sense she’s feeling constricted by her marriage and her very vanilla husband.  The difference with them is that he doesn’t know how she feels, and he’s definitely not encouraging her like I have in the past with Rebecca. When J asked S why she doesn’t just leave her husband to go with a new guy, her response was priceless. She said, “Why would I jump from one pile of shit into another pile of shit?” Rebecca and I  laughed when Rebecca told me that line.

Currently with Rebecca, things have gone cold with J ( her last fling). I haven’t encouraged her at all and it had become pretty vanilla around our house too. Over the last few months, Rebecca has been doing another workout program and she’s looking magnificent. I didn’t think she had room for improvement since she always has stayed in shape, but her body is for lack of a better word.. “hard”. 

I enjoy our nights together , even when we’re just hanging out, and we both have a hard time leaving our bed in the mornings, especially on weekends. 

It was interesting to hear how much her attitude on extra marital dating has changed. I think back to the first time I brought it up years ago. I think we’ve both grown up. I get a kick out of her lecturing her traditional friends on the merits of a more open marriage.