Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The Old Days
It's been long enough that I think I can reflect accurately on things. Looking back, it's easy to have pointed a finger at Rebecca and blame her for hiding the G fling.
I don't look back as often as I used to, but when I do now, I can pinpoint the times when I had given her every reason to be worried about my reaction, had she told me.
Even in the initial stages when I saw her starting to branch out, my reactions and jealousy would have given her every reason to be discrete.
At the time, it was unnerving to have gently pushed her in that direction, with her fighting it, only to see signs that she was actually attracted to him. The protracted dance of "I'm not interested", to snooping through her texts to learn it was the opposite was more than my maturity level could handle, and she would have realized that back then.
She was enjoying herself, but most likely feeling guilty about it. She's not a great communicator and I'm too much of a thinker.
Quite honestly, if I went through this again, knowing what I now know, I would still be challenged by the emotions I would go through.
No offense to the "slut wives" out there, but Rebecca isn't anything like them. She has had a grand total of three men in her lifetime. I think knowing that she is that discerning contributed to the angst I felt when things were developing with G. It's hard to control that emotion.
Oddly enough, it's the angst that I miss now. I remember her heading out for drinks in the evening, and even though I thought it was innocent at the time, the feelings were incredible.
Another thing I used to love was getting the occasional text near the end of the day saying that she was invited out for a drink and "is that okay?" It was something very hard to describe.
Anyway, that's all I have for now. She's a great woman, wife, mom, milf. I do miss the "old days", but I'm grateful beyond belief that after all this drama, she ended up with me.