Last night after my previous post, we had some amazing action, starting on the couch and eventually moving upstairs to our bedroom. On the couch I told her to close her eyes and pretend it was G's cock inside of her. For being near the end of her ovulation cycle, she was extremely wet. I don't know what came over me, but I told her to visualize him as we made love so she could tell him she was thinking of him as her husband was inside of her.
After three rounds, it was getting late, she still opened the computer and traded a couple of emails with him. He was out of town apparently barhopping, so there wasn't a lot of opportunity for him to chat. I was drifting in and out of sleep, and when I was awake at times, I noticed she would keep going back to her gmail page to refresh and see if he replied. I haven't found out if he did. Eventually she closed the laptop and I turned to her and said "no reply?". Without skipping a beat, she said she didn't know since she was just reading her gossip websites. As I lay beside her, I counted at least eight times where she refreshed her gmail screen. Keep in mind that only him and I have that address.
After that, I was wide awake wondering why she still feels the need to lie. I went downstairs and wrote the following email to her to get my thoughts out of my head.
Hi Sexy,
I'm just hanging out downstairs because I can't sleep. I couldn't
sleep even after three rounds of action. Weird, especially for me. I
know you were up pretty late as well, checking to see if G replied
to you.I brought the old iphone up to you so I wouldnt be tempted to
read what else you wrote. I was also awake when you typed and asked
him to tell you one thing. I'm okay with your excitement about this,
even though you won't admit how excited you are. It's evident when for
the first time, you weren't satisfied after our action tonight and you
were still seeking his words. I have read that this "new relationship
energy" is like a drug. I just want you to know that I'll be here for
you when it wears off.
All I ask in return is that you remain faithful to me by being honest
with me. You've never lied to me before, and I don't want you to think
you have to start now because you're becoming interested in another
man. All you had to do when I asked you if he replied to your email
was say no and that you really wanted hear from him tonight. Then
cuddle up to me and tell me you love me.
I love you, always
Me
I just think that part of the thrill for her may in fact be the private thoughts between her and her potential lover. In other words, you may not get to hear every single little detail of their conversations/e-mails, but what she does share with you will be well worth it. If you can't handle that, you might want to reconsider.
ReplyDeleteJF, I think you've nailed it. I think what I was struggling with is whether there is, or should, be privacy between a married couple. If you asked me last night, I would have said no, but as hard as it will be, I definitely have to back off. I can't very well offer her this freedom and then claw it back as soon as she takes it. I've already apologized to her. I just hope this doesn't scare her off enjoying herself.
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading this blog from start to finish. I decided to post my comment here because it seemed to me the most relevant post. First off, Slider I think it's great that you are putting everything out there and I think it is even better that Rebecca reads it (a definite plus if you give her space and time to read it). With that being said, a lot of what your emotional experiences in HW are similar to what my husband and I have gone through as swingers.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean what I say next to be judgmental but merely an observation. I find it a contradiction of what Rebecca perceives as "cheating" versus her actions where she is not willing to give you full access to her emails and texts. The only reason I say this is because when my husband and I first started swinging every chat and every text message was read by both of us. There came a point where my husband doesn't read my texts anymore but trusts that I will tell him about anything important. As we both know what one person finds vitally important is another person's no big deal. I know hubby trusts me.
I have been wondering how you could convey to Rebecca that the content of her communication with G is a huge part of the turn on for you. From what I gathered from my reading is that you have told her, but was it communicated in a manner that she could receive it? Just stating the obvious that men and women can communicate very differently.
Just my two cents... for what it is worth.