Thursday, April 14, 2011

If My Aunt Had Nuts...

Well, I've been thinking a lot where I went wrong in all of this. I'm sure Rebecca will say it was wrong to attempt this from the very start. HOH's comments on the differences between the cuckold and the hotwife lifestyles are pretty much bang on. I am definitely not cuckold material.

This all started several months ago when I learned about what a hotwife was. I read stories and books on how strong relationships got even stronger by the act of sharing your wife. I read about wives sharing their most intimate thoughts and desires with their husbands, and their husbands reciprocating leading to uniquely strong marriage.

I got excited when Rebecca started flirting with G, and sharing little bits of it with me. I hoped this would turn into one of those situations where she could be completely open with me about her feelings and desires. What I didn't see coming, and in hindsight I should have somehow been more specific with, was where the hotwife and cuckold paths start to diverge. By her nature, she isn't comfortable sharing her most intimate thoughts, even with me. By not sharing them, we unknowingly started down the cuckold path. I started feeling left out when I originally hoped this would make us closer. I started checking up on her. It all came to a head last night when I asked her directly if she had chatted with him during the day yesterday other than coffee. She didn't skip a beat and replied "no" when I already knew she had.

So the route we have taken has eroded my trust in her and made her to lie to me. It is irrelevant whether the chicken or the egg came first.

If I had been more patient, I would have set up these "rules" from the beginning and not tried to place them on her once she was already in a relationship. She can't separate feelings from sex, and wholeheartedly believes you shouldn't, so we may never have moved forward.

If.. well my dad always says "If my aunt had nuts, she'd be my uncle." which loosely translated means you can't do anything about it now. All you can do is move forward. We started that last night. After she got home, we had what I would consider our first "fight" in fifteen years, which lasted about five minutes. She said she never wanted this, and I apologized for pushing her down this path and we cried in each others arms until we fell asleep. We're doing our best to hit reset, and get back to where we were before.

Does this mean I'll keep my big mouth shut next time I have an excruciatingly tempting fantasy? I don't know. I do know that I still have my wife, and I'll never do anything to risk losing her (again). It also means this blog may be boring for the rest of you for awhile. Thank you JF, JR, Jay and HOH and anyone else who has been following.

1 comment:

  1. sorry for it hitting the fan like it did. But, you did the right thing. For you, you did the right thing.

    But, and its a big one. Not all is lost. You are most def in a time out. But I don't believe you have gone back in steps at all, I think you have actually made some steps forward, even thought they were painful ones. You have clearly communicated what your feelings are, she knows this, and you also got a heart to heart with her about the topic. Now your feelings did not go over well with her, lol, but still, she knows them. I think you two are a little stronger as of right now and will be as the days roll on. Here is the BUT, she was thinking about all of this and will continue to think about all of this. All of this is good, lots of thinking, lots of little toes and feetsies got wet. And you both came out stronger. But you are still turned on by the thoughts of it all, and she now has been thinking about all of this and will continue to think about all of this. I'll just leave it at that. You can put it all together in a few days and few weeks. It has not gone away.... none of it.......

    On the 'down the road' kind of thing...if the hotwife thing ever worked out, then what JF and Jay have in mind is pretty fucking hot under the right circumstances. I mean your wife is pretty independent, knows what she wants, could be dominant, possibly just the right combo to have some cuckold nights where she takes an alpha male with a big cock in front of you, makes you watch as he gives her some sex that she will never forget for 2 hours straight. hmmmmm.... but then comes back to you and says she loves you and hopes you got as much out of it as she did, lol! As long as you know you and her are strong and communicating what each honestly wants, you would be surprised what you both can have fun with.