Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ground Rules?

The following is an email I sent to Rebecca yesterday. She read it last night in bed. I told her I didn't want any reaction or comment because I know she's not comfortable discussing things like this at the same pace as I am. That's okay, I just wanted her to read it and understand it.

Dear Sweets,

It's important to me that you spend some quiet time reading this without myself or the kids distracting you. I wanted to get it out there, since, as you know, I tend to think about these things. 

I understand that you may not be in the same frame of mind as me. I just want you to be prepared mentally, just in case you find yourself in a situation where things do start to move forward. 

Because I understand how men think, and I know you're shy about addressing these things, I thought I would suggest a few ground rules for you to lay out there for G (and for us). I'm going to get into a few things here that you may or may not have thought about, and they may make you a little uncomfortable, but I just think it's better I lay it out now, so we're on the same page.

Finally, after this very long introduction, a lot of the following is way beyond where we are now, and may very well be beyond where we will ever go,  but as such, it's easier for me to broach now. Bear with me.

1. He's in an unhappy marriage. That's a given. He's assuming that you are too. It should be made clear to him that you're actually very happy with your husband, and that you're not looking to find someone to replace me. Word it however you want, even mention that we have an "understanding" if you need to. I would avoid mentioning it's a one way arrangement, since it would give him too much info about us( and me in particular).

2. Any suggestion that he makes about you leaving me for him would be grounds for you to stop seeing him. It might help for him to know this in advance, so he avoids it.

3.The same goes for him falling in love with you. I can already hear you laughing about this, saying I'm crazy, but I know how wonderful you are. It will become apparent to him the more time you spend together. 

4. He should also know you won't stand for any derogatory comments about you and I, or me in particular. Hopefully, he's smart enough to recognize the opportunity to spend time with you (however small you view it) and respect it enough to be gratious.

5. I want you to have fun and enjoy being turned on by the thought of him wanting you. This means (and again you'll laugh), that if something physical starts to happen, you should let it if(and only if) you desire it. All I need is for you to share it with me as soon as possible afterwards. I'll be going crazy (in a good way) while you're on your date, and my relief will come when you're back in my arms and telling me how much you love me.

6. I know you would be shy about this sort of thing, and it's this shyness that would influence you to not tell me every detail. Believe me when I say how much I want to hear every detail... what you ordered, what the waiter said, if he touched your hand, arm, played footsies, whatever. Especially things like how you felt, if you wanted to kiss him, if you did...all of it. It's this detail that makes it enjoyable for me.

Please trust me when I promise you that I won't be upset at anything physical that happens as long as you share it with me.

7. This is one I know you'll definitely say I'm crazy for mentioning, but I may as well get it out there. I recognize we're in new territory here, and that I'm crazy for allowing or even wanting this. I love you for how stable you are, and I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have won your love like I have.  But if, at any time,you at all start feeling any twinge of love for him or any other man, I would rely on your judgement to end it(with him, haha). Sorry, I know this isn't at all relevant, but I thought I should get it out there.

8. This one is important. If you ever feel like you want this to stop, or you want to take a break from this "freedom", just say the word. I'll understand and keep it as a fantasy. Again, I trust your judgement.

Finally, I have a couple of rules that I'll abide by. 

1. You have my word as your husband that I will never hold anything you do against you. I promise that in the future, if we're having a disagreement about anything, I will not bring any of this up. I love you and I accept this was my idea.

2. I'll never push you into anything you're not comfortable with. I trust your judgement better than my own, and I only want you to do what gives you pleasure. I am offering as much or as little freedom as you choose to exercise, guilt-free. You're an amazing wife, and you deserve it.

That's all I can think of for now. You may want to add a couple under my category.

I don't want to freak you out with this, I just wanted to get it out there. If you prefer, consider it "rules for a 30 year plan", or a "fantasy plan" that may never happen. I just wanted to lay it out there so you could chose to move forward, or not, at your own pace.

 I love you, always.


I didn't want to overwhelm her, but I felt I needed to get that all out.


  1. wow, you have moved very fast in the last couple of weeks. Falling in love can only happen with lots of day to day or almost day to day contact, whether its email or talking or whatever. My rule is, and you might want to reconsider yours, do not share on a day to day or the details themselves anything that she would not want me to share with another woman. IN other words, she should use that as a self check. If i can call up a girl day after day and have small chat for 30 min a day on the phone, would she be comfortable with it? no. also, the details- keep it about sex or very surface stuff. once again, would she want me to be sharing so much with another woman, my day to day issues, my intimate thoughts? I have read your whole blog now, super super hot. But, day in and say out communication with another man is a road where she may fall in love. Doesnt mean she falls out of love with you, just that she might have two men she is in love with. May not even be with this guy, I am just throwing this out there.

  2. I disagree. In the beginning of any relationship you tend to spend A LOT of your time interacting with the object of your desire. Desire being the operative word. This is what we want - we want our wife to desire another man, we want her to desperately want him physically. Women are not physical like men and need that interaction to build attraction. There is always the possibility of her falling for someone else - that is where the rush comes from - it is the game of risk that turns us on, but if you have rules and she sticks to them - it is pretty safe - but it is the risk that turns us on.

  3. well, we can disagree, I am sure we agree on a lot of other things when it comes to our woman having fun. But being her first potential guy, in the situation that is developing as it is, this is going the way of a cuckold, not the way of a hotwife lifestyle. To each their own, Mr.Intimate needs to decide which way to start from the beginning. I have a fond attraction for looking at the cuckold lifestyle, sooo many things turn me on about it. I will be taking small steps into it. But, in the end, I have the woman of my dreams, I can not lose her, so from out of a hotwife lifestyle can i play in the cuckold one, but I must have some say in who and how she plays. That is difference in the two. I would not do well if she left me. Worse than then you can imagine. But the way it is now, she can fuck almost whoever she wants, as long as its purely sexual contact between them. As for taking on a lover that she is more intimate with, she has, but its guy #15, so she already has lived the free life of knowing she is really free. And frankly, she would be scared of leaving me for some one else that doesn't give her this freedom. Who would let her do that? But, Mr.Intimate's wife has not experienced that. I could ramble and go on, but the only point I am trying to make is its her first. And her first is single, available, on the rebound, she is hiding small things, she talks to him daily, he likes her for more the sex, she is hot and attractive, she is not communicating openly from her heart and convincing ME that things are good and on and on. This all would make me throw up just like he did. guy #15 - now I could handle this, we have developed, she has been open, she goes out of her way to share things with me about guys, she hides nothing, she talks sex with him 90% of the time, she comes back to me and makes sure our sex is over the top, she just knows that she loves this lifestyle and at this point there is no guy that I fear.