Okay, so I guess I don't have the intestinal fortitude I thought I needed for this. Today, Rebecca stayed home for the morning to volunteer at the girl's school for swimming lessons. This kept her from work until I could drop her off around 2:00pm. I then went back to work and worked until I had to pick our daughter up at 3:30pm. About the time I was picking up our daughter, G had convinced my wife to have coffee with him. She agreed and they had coffee.
On the way home after work, she told me about the date. I told her on the way home this is why we need the rules. She said her only rule is that nothing will happen. I told her she's already breaking her own rule by meeting him so regularly. She's in denial.
When I got home, I went for a run in the rain/snow. As soon as my run was done, Rebecca had to go out to a PTA meeting. We haven't had much time to talk. I need to talk. I saw that she was online today in the morning during our daughter's swimming. She wasn't talking to me. Upon that realization, I ran to the toilet and threw up. She didn't mention that.
I don't get it. I've read about marriages that develop the HW relationship where the wife loves her husband and they share everything. That's what I believe we could have had. Where is our honesty? Should I let this emotional affair continue and pray that she comes back to me? Should I put a stop to it now and have her resent me? Is this where the old cliche of setting her free comes in? I think I need to go to the washroom again.
This is where you want to be - so she was online, she could have been on ebay, she could have forgotten, she may feel uncomfortable talking about it in a non-sexual environment, she may be uncomfortable talking to YOU about it, give her space and encourage her, you want this remember? The first time is always going to be difficult for everyone, but once she has done the deed and realises that you are supportive AND excited she will open up to you - she needs a positive reaction from you - this negative reaction of yours will make her uneasy and reluctant to talk. Give her all the positive vibes you can - and DONT snoop (or at least keep it to yourself) and let her speak when she wants to.... encourage her.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with Jay on this. The gut wrenching feelings of mystery is what drives this desire for a lot of us, but you just haven't been able to put that into perspective yet. So she was online doing something, could be talking with G or she could have been looking up Cuckold on Wikipedia. Who knows? Does she normally share every detail of every online session with you at the end of the day? Does she replay each phone conversation with telemarketers or neighbors?
ReplyDeleteThere is much enjoyment that can come from sharing your wife but don't ever think that you will know every single detail, every thought or every feeling she has. And, no matter what, there will be conversations that you never learn about, either because they did not register as sexy enough to tell you about or because she simply didn't care to share that detail. If you find out about something and you try to confront her with it, you and she will ultimately regret going down this path.
Does he want to be a cuckold or her be a hotwife? I know they blend, what I am talking about is, does he have a say in how this all works and who she sees? Hotwife lifestyle is more like swingers where she plays and he doesn't, but he is present in the room usually, watching, taping, or she may go alone but he is very much included in all the details when she gets back. And he was in the decision of her going alone. While a cuck has no say, she sees who she wants, when, and how and maybe fills him in on any of it if he is lucky. I know this is not the final definition of any of those, I am meaning just how does he want to be involved. He needs to decide or we might be giving him advice in the wrong direction.....
ReplyDelete