Monday, March 26, 2012

This Went Through My Mind

We recently bought a new car and I offered to set up Rebecca's phone for the hands free. She entered her passcode for her phone, then started to hand it to me. Something made her reconsider, and she gave me a guilty look, and said something to the effect that we can do it later.

Now, I tend to over think things, which is why I started this blog, but that quick exchange set off an avalanche of thoughts. It wasn't until late last night that I was able to turn them off.

Recently, we were talking about G and she said she's not attracted to him and that he is more like a brother. At the time I found it disturbingly funny because I knew their history, and the whole brother thing is kind of weird.

After the phone incident, I find it disturbing for other reasons. There is something on her phone she really doesn't want me to see. In my mind this thing is something personal she is choosing to keep from me.

As you all know, we (seem to) have an amazing relationship. Unfortunately what bothers me the most is we still don't have that level of communication and trust I've seen and read other couples have. She has her things she keeps from me, and vice versa.

It's not the fact that she may have some incredibly juicy or even embarrassing correspondence with G on her phone that bothers me. It's the fact that it is something that she actively keeps it from me.

It can only be two things in my mind. She has either done something physical with him that she has never told me about, or she has developed feelings for him, which she won't tell me about. Again, oddly enough, in both cases I find it's the not telling me that churns my stomach the most. If it's the latter of the above, and we can't talk about it, then... who knows? One thing is for certain, it's a step in the wrong direction for us.

Is it too weird for a couple to be completely open with one another? Or do we all keep certain things to ourselves so we don't spoil the image of the person our spouses fell in love with? Is some level of personal privacy needed to keep a healthy marrriage?

I suspect there are very few couples who share their most intimate thoughts with their significant others. The question applies equally to me as it does to Rebecca. There are bigger questions of individuality and marriage here, questions I'm sure I won't answer in a thousand years of blogging.


  1. What if it's a message from someone other than G? What if she's been sexting other men, and hasn't told you yet?

  2. We show and tell each other everything...always.

    1. That's very cool. How long have you been married?

    2. 17 years....we were high school sweethearts...we hid things occassionally when we were younger. Last year when we whe started playing with guys she hid some texts from me. For me that was a deal breaker. She has fixed it now and I trust her again. The key is to make her feel like she can tell you anything. Then she will. Never freak out or judge her when you want to. Control your reactions or she will hide things.

  3. Everyone needs to have their secrets. For all you know, she could be hiding something totally unrelated to sex or relationships. She could be planning a surprise birthday party, she could be arranging to do something special for you. It could be anything.

    Of course, and this is the worst advice ever, I'd be doing everything I could to find out what it was, in the hopes that she was sexting someone else or something more had developed with G. I know it is wrong, but once you get this feeling that she is hiding something, there is the stomach churning worry that it is something bad, but there is also the erection inducing, head-spinning hope that it is proof of that something bad. The let down is when you violate her trust and find out it was something totally insignificant.

    Perhaps the way to approach it is to simply tell her what you are feeling and ask her to help resolve your concerns.

  4. Maybe she was complaining/bitching about you to someone...male and/or female?

    1. That is funny, and a possibility.