State of the Union

State of the Union

As most readers have gathered by now, Rebecca is on her week long work trip to the Caribbean. She left Monday, and will be back next Wednesday. I thought I should do a brief recap of where we are now vs where this all started. 

If anything, confessing my fantasy of her being with other men has let to us becoming closer to each other. I think a lot of married people, women included, tend to keep their sexual thoughts to themselves. It was difficult at the time for me to tell her I fantasized about her having sex with other men, but I'm glad I did it.

Her reaction was an emphatic "no". She said she wasn't capable of sex as just pleasure. She needs to have feelings for someone she sleeps with. That was totally understandable. I certainly didn't want her developing feelings for anyone. 

Over time, in day to day conversation, she would mention G, commenting on something he said, etc. It was then that I realized in her own way, she was giving me an indication that she liked him. At first I didn't know what to think, scared I would lose her, etc. It has been over a year now, and like anything, their relationship has kind of leveled out. They still meet for drinks and lunch, but a lot to their conversations have to do with the mundane. There is still some attraction, and the occasional drunken email, but they're definitely in cruise control now. She still emails G back and forth daily, but it seems to have turned into a complaint session for his marriage issues. 

That's not to say they won't take it to the next step however, but this time coasting has served us well as a couple. I'm not at all scared of losing her anymore, as I can see that even after all of the pursuit, she still chooses to be with me. 

It goes further than that. It's not even that she chooses to be with me, we are simply meant to be. As a husband, first going through thoughts of wanting to share your wife, then realizing you could lose her, and finally realizing she wants me above all others gives me a confidence that's very hard to explain. I imagine someday being in the same room with someone like G, who Rebecca has been seeing, maybe even someone she finally chooses to have sex with. He would be smirking at me thinking about how he's pulling one over on me. All the time, I would be smiling inside knowing how at the end of the day, she wants me above him.

I know I can do better to describe this feeling, the right words elude me now.

So now Rebecca is away for awhile. As usual, she knows she has my blessing to have as much fun as she likes. I give her this freedom, knowing in all likelihood, she'll never cash in. I guess if I never expect it, it will come as a surprise. She packed three bikinis to take with her, and as usual, she will be the hottest one in her group. She seems to enjoy the attention, and she has already had some flirtations. One of the guys in her group was requesting to see her red lingerie. I know she'll stay far away from any work related affair, but at the same time, she inherently knows how to push a man's buttons.

Finally, on the topic of buttons, she has definitely evolved into knowing and enjoying the effect her contact with men has on me. It was important to me that any steps she takes are enjoyed by us as a couple. Her slow approach, has let our communication keep pace, which in turn has made us an even stronger couple. Our kids are getting old enough to comment on how much mommy and daddy kiss. I'm just glad they get to see that there really is happiness out there. 

Rebecca is probably out for dinner now, wearing one of her summer dresses. She'll attract her share of attention, whether she tries to or not. She still has two more bikinis to try out, and I can't wait to hear about the reactions.