Has anything ever happened with V? There was a day that she went up to his condo at lunch with him. She said it was just a tour. If I was totally objective and not blinded by trust, I wouldn't believe that.
Being in love, I've never doubted her. Never had a reason to. Now I do. Is it possible to love without total trust?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Contact
Well, it didn't take as long as I would have thought. G contacted Rebecca via text yesterday. I was at work when she called. She said he had texted her asking to go for coffee. I got the impression she called me not only to be transparent, but to ask if it would be okay if she went.
I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she would like to go chat since it was a rather abrupt stop to their relationship.
I told her I was okay with her going, provided she remains honest with me. I'm embarrassed to admit, after we hung up, I had a wave of erotic angst come over me. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. They met at a Starbucks around 11:15, and she was back on her way to see me at 11:45.
Part of our deal on this meeting was that I didn't want to have to pull teeth to learn about what they talked about or did. When she arrived at our coffee shop, I was waiting for her. I sat back and listened.
She said he complimented her on how she looked and asked how she/we were doing. He said that he felt bad for causing her to go through this. She said something to the effect that she was just as much to blame. He went on to say that he was in a meeting across the country when he received my email with the "nuclear option".
She relayed my thoughts saying that I wouldn't do that, and that he could relax on that front. They made some more small talk about Christmas, etc, and then hugged their goodbye. As he hugged her he whispered to her saying that he guesses it would be inappropriate to squeeze her ass right now. She laughed and said "yes, it would be."
Her and I talked some more over my coffee and her lunch. She said how she felt like she was two people during the affair, and she wasn't sure she liked the second Rebecca. We agreed it's like having the angel and devil versions of Rebecca on her shoulder. I told her that everyone has them, just that she has just seen a little more of mine than I have of hers. I'm the one person she can and should be comfortable showing both to.
We got into more detail about how G was a friend, but how she enjoyed the added dimension as well. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her if she would ever want a "friend with benefits" situation. I recall her answer was more yes than no.
We talked a little more last night in bed, and I tried to clarify my question, (not her answer). I told her while I find the idea very exciting, I'm not ready yet for her to resume the friendship with G. It's just too soon, and while I'm strong, I'm not that strong. I said I that her and I need some "us" time for awhile at least. We'll see where things go from here. At least we're talking about it, and I'm happy she can now allow me to see her other side.
I doubt G will stay away, so we'll handle whatever happens next together.
I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she would like to go chat since it was a rather abrupt stop to their relationship.
I told her I was okay with her going, provided she remains honest with me. I'm embarrassed to admit, after we hung up, I had a wave of erotic angst come over me. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. They met at a Starbucks around 11:15, and she was back on her way to see me at 11:45.
Part of our deal on this meeting was that I didn't want to have to pull teeth to learn about what they talked about or did. When she arrived at our coffee shop, I was waiting for her. I sat back and listened.
She said he complimented her on how she looked and asked how she/we were doing. He said that he felt bad for causing her to go through this. She said something to the effect that she was just as much to blame. He went on to say that he was in a meeting across the country when he received my email with the "nuclear option".
She relayed my thoughts saying that I wouldn't do that, and that he could relax on that front. They made some more small talk about Christmas, etc, and then hugged their goodbye. As he hugged her he whispered to her saying that he guesses it would be inappropriate to squeeze her ass right now. She laughed and said "yes, it would be."
Her and I talked some more over my coffee and her lunch. She said how she felt like she was two people during the affair, and she wasn't sure she liked the second Rebecca. We agreed it's like having the angel and devil versions of Rebecca on her shoulder. I told her that everyone has them, just that she has just seen a little more of mine than I have of hers. I'm the one person she can and should be comfortable showing both to.
We got into more detail about how G was a friend, but how she enjoyed the added dimension as well. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her if she would ever want a "friend with benefits" situation. I recall her answer was more yes than no.
We talked a little more last night in bed, and I tried to clarify my question, (not her answer). I told her while I find the idea very exciting, I'm not ready yet for her to resume the friendship with G. It's just too soon, and while I'm strong, I'm not that strong. I said I that her and I need some "us" time for awhile at least. We'll see where things go from here. At least we're talking about it, and I'm happy she can now allow me to see her other side.
I doubt G will stay away, so we'll handle whatever happens next together.
Friday, December 14, 2012
TGIF
An interesting comment came up on a post I made on OHW. The writer suggested that it was hard to believe that G didn't read this blog.
I started to post a reply outlining why he wasn't, but I stopped part way through to wonder and thought maybe he does read this. I doubt Rebecca would have told him about it since the idea has always freaked her out, but you never know. Things I thought I knew before have completely been turned upside down, so nothing would surprise me now.
We talked more last night in bed and she said she thinks she saw his cell number come up on an incoming call yesterday. She said she didn't answer, but it got us talking. I reiterated I have to know if anything at all happens with him, communication or otherwise. She maintains she doesn't want to go there, but I know it's never that simple.
The fact that he would try to call her the day after the "Things are Good" post gets me thinking.
I started to post a reply outlining why he wasn't, but I stopped part way through to wonder and thought maybe he does read this. I doubt Rebecca would have told him about it since the idea has always freaked her out, but you never know. Things I thought I knew before have completely been turned upside down, so nothing would surprise me now.
We talked more last night in bed and she said she thinks she saw his cell number come up on an incoming call yesterday. She said she didn't answer, but it got us talking. I reiterated I have to know if anything at all happens with him, communication or otherwise. She maintains she doesn't want to go there, but I know it's never that simple.
The fact that he would try to call her the day after the "Things are Good" post gets me thinking.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Things are Good
I did a lot of reading the last few weeks on "surviving" affairs etc. I concluded that a lot (actually most) of it doesn't apply to me. Most of the world still lives with the assumption that an affair will or should kill your marriage.
If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.
They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.
Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.
Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.
I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.
The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.
Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.
Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.
If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.
They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.
Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.
Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.
I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.
The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.
Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.
Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.
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