Sunday, July 3, 2011

Comfort Sex

We were camping this past weekend with my parents and the kids, so there wasn't a lot of one on one time for Rebecca and I. The one time we found ourselves alone, we were driving to a nearby store, discussing an article she had shown to me about "comfort sex". The gist of the article was  how monogamous couples learn to please one another over the years, and that although it may get boring, sex with your mate is ultimately more fulfilling. 

I agree with certain points of the article.  I definitely know Rebecca's quirks and what gets her to her big "O" quicker. This is knowledge I've accumulated over the years, and draw on each time we make love.

Having said that, I told her this knowledge is just as much an evolution of me, as much as us. She's not a typical woman, but I like to think I've become a better, more well-rounded lover over the years. 

One phrase in the article that caught my attention was "serial monogamy". This wasn't the first time the phrase was coined, but it was the first time Rebecca and I discussed it. She had kind of glossed over that part of the article, so I explained my interpretation of the term. I told her it's a little weird or even hypocritical in our society how people will date, then marry one person, having monogamous sex with that one person until they get bored, then cheat, get divorced, date and remarry, only to do it all over again. 

My take is that if there weren't any societal pressures, you could fall in love with your soulmate, grow old with that one special person, while at the same time, never get bored, because you would be allowed to have other lovers along the way.

This goes some way towards explaining how I feel  about Rebecca taking a lover, but it doesn't explain why I don't want one. I suppose the thought of her with another man is exciting enough for both of us.

During our conversation, she did give me a bit of a reality check when we discussed my "prowess". She said that although I could get her to orgasm nearly every time, she politely explained that if she did what felt good to her as much and as often as she would like during sex, there's no way I would last long enough for her to get off.

 Of course, in my mind, I had the perfect solution for her.. a threesome. Another man and I could take turns giving her whatever she wanted, however she wanted it and for as long as she liked. 

Currently, everything leads back to her present situation with G, so she wrapped up the discussion by saying that G had mentioned that a threesome was on his "bucket list". I assume that like most men, he was thinking of himself with two women but you never know. As for my conservative wife, I think that if she had two of us focusing on her pleasure, she would find it extremely erotic and fulfilling. At the very least, I find it interesting that she would mention this to me now.

That night, sleeping in the campground,  I tossed and turned as I fantasized (and stressed) in my dreams about the details of a menage a trois. The weirdest part was that I couldn't even put a face to G, since I've never seen what he looks like.

6 comments:

  1. "but it doesn't explain why I don't want one. I suppose the thought of her with another man is exciting enough for both of us."

    I am the same. To me, her having sex with someone else is exactly like as if it was me. Because i mentally put myself in her postion and feel all the emotions of having sex with someone else. I am sure that there is a technical term for this, like projection or something similar, but i can feel all the excitement and sexual adrenaline just by knowing it is happeing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. In case you hadn't seen it, there was an interesting article by a sex therapist named Susan Gower posted at the blog Cuckold Me. She answers the very question about why the husbands in these relationships are okay with not seeking another partner.

    Worth a read The Science of Cuckold Marriages

    ReplyDelete
  3. Has your wife shared the pictures of her taken for Christmas with G?

    ReplyDelete
  4. No, she hasn't. I think because it was a gift for me, she doesn't feel it's appropriate to share it with him. I'm back and forth on the issue. If anything, I think I would prefer to be the one offering to share my gift.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JF, good article btw. It makes some sense to me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Rebecca said:

    She said that although I could get her to orgasm nearly every time, she politely explained that if she did what felt good to her as much and as often as she would like during sex, there's no way I would last long enough for her to get off.

    I want to tell you something, and I'm not telling you this to hurt your feelings. I'm giving you my observations because I believe what Rebecca said means A LOT and you didn't give any mention to her comment.

    I started reading your blog from the very beginning on the recommendation of a friend. I have read every post up to this point and I have noticed a very common theme when you have sex with your wife---you often come very quickly during penetrative sex. You even described cumming when she was simply "grinding" against you. While it's flattering to women to occasionally have their men get revved up quickly and cum quickly (many women take that as a compliment), it's not what they generally hope for on a regular basis. You seem to major control issues and I'd bet that Rebecca would prefer that you have more stamina and be able to pleasure her as she would like. I'd recommend doing Kegel exercises and systematically learning to delay your own orgasm to be able to please her how she would like.

    I hope you take my comments in the spirit they were intended and not a as a flippant, personal attack. I like your writing and I look forward to reading everything else posted so I can get current.

    ReplyDelete