Post to OHW

It has been a long time since I posted anything here. Some you followed our story though a blog I used to keep a couple years ago. For most of you, it won't be familiar, so I'll explain how we got to where we are now.

About six years ago I started having fleeting thoughts of my wife with other men. I cant' say exactly how it began, but it grew until I felt I needed to tell her. She's a very conservative, somewhat catholic woman so it's safe to say she didn't react as well as I had hoped.

I still remember the short conversation in our bedroom bathroom where she said she isn't like that at all, and that she has always needed to feel a connection in order to be physical.

Like many others on here, we started talking more in the bedroom, with me pushing the boundaries of our discussions. She always reacted well in bed. I mean, she was never overly vocal, but when I hit the right topic at the right time, it's like her body would betray her. You could almost call her orgasms "premature" when compared to her usual timing.

Eventually, I let her in on my blog. Some time later, she began to read it. I guess it took her awhile to face the fantasy. On one occasion, I even gave her a trip to Vegas as birthday present. While nothing major happened, she definitely pushed her own boundaries by flirting and chatting with the men that her and her girlfriend met on the trip. At one point, in the Bellagio lounge, she was even offered close to a $1k to show a couple of men (including a southern judge) her recently waxed pussy. (Something she had started to do for my enjoyment).

One day several months after the trip, we were in the kitchen (funny how your mind remembers these things) and I mentioned how great her ass looked. Not even ten seconds later, she mentioned a guy at work in some unrelated context. I'm not sure it qualified as a poker "tell", but I was pretty sure the comment sparked a thought for her.

The guy eventually left her company, but they stayed in touch, meeting for coffee. She would text me that she was "asked to coffee", and I would encourage her to go. Coffee dates eventually turned to drink dates. It evolved into Rebecca going to meet him for drinks in the evening, occasionally stretching late into the night. 

I know.. looking back, I was pretty blind. I loved that she was out with him and hoped that she would let it progress. Each time she came home, we would have amazing sex, but she would "disappoint" me by saying that they just chatted, often about his sexless marriage. 

Even at the time, I found it unbelievable that he hadn't made any move on her. I thought maybe he might be gay, or perhaps he let their relationship drift into the dreaded "friend-zone". 

Eventually, I'm embarrassed to say, my paranoia got the best of me and I key-logged our home computer. That lasted several months with nothing of any consequence so I guiltily decided to remove it. 

Of course I did one last check and lo and behold an email account showed up; one I never knew she kept. I logged into it and found what was a veritable history of their relationship, including correspondence indicating they had been sleeping together for close to a year and half.

This was heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to say the least. Anyone who has been through it can relate. Oddly enough (but maybe not in present company) it wasn't the sex that bothered me, it was the idea that she hid it from me. I mean, the times that she would tell me about a planned date, I felt like it was our little secret, like it was her and I against the world. Corny sounding I suppose. When I found out that there was this other level that I wasn't part of, well, it made me physically ill.

When I confronted her, I can honestly say it seemed to hurt her more. There was no doubt that she loved me and that, coupled with her Catholic guilt made her cry harder and longer than me.

We put everything on pause to save our marriage. She broke it off with him and recommitted herself to me. It was kind of an unspoken agreement that I drop the whole hotwife thing, so I did. I wrapped up the blog and took it offline. Occasionally, I'd mention him and I could see the guilt take her over.

All that was almost three years ago this past November. We've reached a point where she knows I still love the idea of her embracing her sexuality with other men, but we don't really discuss it in detail. Don't get me wrong, sex is amazing with her. It's just hard to reach that same level once you've had a high that high. At times, I would still fantasize and think about her meeting up with him. Crazy, I know. Fortunately, she's been a rock. I'm not sure how I would have handled things if she had strayed back to him.

This past Tuesday, I was walking from the car to my office, when she sent me a text. 

"I've been invited for wine - thursday".

I can't explain why, and it's embarrassing, but I felt that goddamn familiar twinge. And I loved it. I'm happy to say, it's not her ex bf, but another guy in her company possessing many of the traits she likes. It has started along a familiar path and has stirred up many feeling, mainly sexual and all good. 

We had sex that night and it had that extra boost I hadn't felt for awhile. She was amazing. I have always loved my wife, but I just want her more. Again, difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it.

She met him yesterday after work. I made sure to clear her path in terms of taking care of the kids, getting them to their appointments etc. so she would have the time. I had a meeting that went later in the evening and found it difficult to concentrate. (I've been there before.) 

She didn't answer my texts right away, and I made a conscious effort to not barrage her. At one point my mind started going onto tangents of her getting kidnapped or worse, and I had to tell myself to get a grip.

When I got home, she was watching "Modern Family" with a kid under each arm. She's an amazing woman. We eventually were able to talk, and while there wasn't anything huge that happened, it was pretty clear that this was a date. They shared relatively pricey bottle of wine that he paid for and talked a lot. I think she's getting better now at picking up on the sexual innuendo in her conversations. 

We had very passionate sex last night. Even better than the sex, is the fact that we're back to acting like we have our own little secret. She was telling me more about their conversation this morning, again nothing too sexual, but I can tell she's starting to like him, and that seems to turn a switch on in me.

As I was leaving to come to the office, she said she doesn't know why he has taken an interest in her. We used to always joke about the "Vegas vibe". I told her she still has it. She's an outgoing, intelligent, sexy,and extremely fit, forty-something woman. It's a no brainer.

Finally, I know that some of you reading this will question her sincerity and honesty as far as this new relationship goes. All I can say is there is way more to us than what I have typed here. I can't begin to capture (in this short account) the strength and depth of our relationship over the 18 years we've been married.

I'm going into this next phase of things with my head up, and with more patience than before. It was easy back then to let my jealousy overtake my excitement, something I think contributed al lot to Rebecca keeping things hidden from me. Older and wiser as they say.

Anyway, I've rambled on. Since I don't keep the blog anymore, I thought I'd post some of this here. OHW has been a good resource and the people on here helped me through the "dark days" a long time ago.