Sunday, January 8, 2012

In Theory

On the way home from work the other day, Rebecca and I were discussing my current theory of why I have this desire for her to be with another man.

I had read recently that men who want their wives to explore often have been exposed to a cheating wife or girlfriend early in their sexual development.

Looking back, in my case, I started dating a girl in early high school. She wasn't my "first", but she became my "most". We dated for a year or so, starting when I was seventeen and we definitely had our ups and downs. I was her first, but she quickly became versed in the ways of manipulating men.

She lived in a town about a fifteen minute drive from mine, so that meant even at our young age, we often spent the night at each other's place. I recall one night I particular, when I drove out to see her. Her mom informed me that she was on her way back from another city about an hour drive, but that she had car trouble. It was late, and as I had done it countless times before, I stayed at her place awaiting her return.

She didn't arrive until the next morning, having spent the night at a male friend's place. At the time, it was cleverly explained to myself and her mom as a necessity. That night was my first exposure to that feeling. I was certain more happened than she told me.

Over the course of that relationship, there were several times where she did a similar thing. She always having the perfect excuse to prove her innocence.

Looking back, it's clear to me she was cheating. It was the first time I spent a night with that pit of anxiety in my stomach.

Back then, the feeling was anything but pleasurable. Now with Rebecca, it's quite the opposite.

Now, over twenty years later, Rebecca and I have a special connection with each other I believe is very rare.

We're a couple who has been together almost constantly for around eighteen years, and we still can't get enough of each other. It's because of this that I am comfortable with Rebecca exploring her sexuality.

Unlike my high school girlfriend, Rebecca won't betray me. She's quite unwilling to allow herself to "cheat" with anyone, even though she has permission.

Several months ago, I experienced that pit in my stomach when I discovered that Rebecca had been texting with G more than she let on. In fact, I wrote at the time that I actually threw up from the stress of it. I can smile now, as I know how much of an overreaction it was on my part. Looking back, I realize how much of a turn on it was to discover she was branching out.

Fortunately or unfortunately, my Rebecca is not the type to totally indulge me. It's impossible to explain to those who don't understand it.

I know she will control the situation quite carefully. It's under her watchful eye, that I can both indulge and practice restraint. It's a strange dichotomy.

Unlike my former girlfriend, I know that if Rebecca ever fully indulged in her freedom, I wouldn't lose her. We have reached a level of strength and maturity I never had when I was young, and few have at any age.


  1. You two are the king and queen of taking this slow and doing it right. If she had just given in in the beginning and slept with another guy, you would not be getting as much of a slow and steady thrill from this process.

    On the topic of being exposed early on to some sort of cheating, I had a slightly different situation that I can easily see being the root of my interest in this area. My high school girlfriend, a woman I still think of often even 30 years later, had been dating one of my close friends. I had been pursuing her from the time we met but never could get her to go out with me until we started working together. So I won her over and the guy friend was a good sport about it, happily dating her friend.

    As we became sexual, it was clear that she had been with my friend before and another guy. I never specifically asked for details, but there was something in the back of my mind that was ticking around, some thrill of knowing I had won. I was not jealous of the others, because I had her.

    Most likely unrelated to any of that, it was during my sex with this girlfriend where I had the earliest fantasies of a cream pie. She was only too willing to help me indulge, by quickly pulling herself onto my face the moment I would cum, attempting to force me to taste my own cum.

    Neither of us even considered any bi implications of my desire, but frankly, I don't think we even knew what Bi was. There was no internet back then!

  2. Does she understand that she is a good girl even though she has sex with other men? Women have the ability to cum multiple times for a reason. I would be more afraid of the lunch meetings with G than sex with G.

  3. Interesting theory ..maybe some truth in it , i wish you well on your unique journey.I hope you find the right solution to your relationship.Finding a cock may be easy but finding the right guy who respects both of you and understands all boundaries of the relationship can make it a rewarding experience for all parties.