Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Recirculation Pumps and Chemical Burns

Sometimes you can try too hard. I was away on a golf getaway with my brother, my nephew and my Dad for a few days, so last night I had big plans to make up my absence to Rebecca when we went to bed. 

I had done the grocery shopping earlier that afternoon, and at the store I saw some of those fresh breath strips that dissolve on your tongue. I recalled an article somewhere either in Cosmo, or on the web where the writer described how her boyfriend used these when he performed oral sex on her. 

I thought it would be an interesting thing to try, so I threw them in with the other groceries. 

We put the kids to bed  and then had a bath together. After we got out, we moved to the bedroom. Our boy likes to fall asleep in his older sister's bed, so I decided to check and see if he was asleep yet so I could move him back to his bed. He was, and I did, but while I was down there, I remembered the breath strips. I grabbed them, and brought them up to our room where Rebecca was waiting in bed.

I told her to close her eyes, and I removed her pajama top and shorts. I reached over to the night table and placed one of the strips on my tongue. It immediately stuck to the roof of my mouth, which in hindsight was probably fortunate. 

I started with her breasts and she immediately knew something was up. I didn't spend enough time on her chest as I was concerned the effect might wear off my tongue. Was I ever wrong. Within seconds of touching my tongue her clit, she let me know it was too much. She said it felt like it was burning. I stopped immediately and went to our bathroom to get her a wet cloth. I made my second ( or is it third) crucial mistake in assuming that a cold, wet cloth would feel better. Wrong. Rebecca requested politely but firmly(she's sweet) to have a warm cloth instead of the cold one  and I raced back to the bathroom sink. 

Our room is a fair distance from our hot water tank, so it takes some time for the water to warm up as it travels through the pipes. Granted, things always seem to take longer when you're standing there waiting, (with your wife's clitoris on fire) but even taking that into account, it took forever. As I stood there cursing myself for not installing a recirculation pump on the hot water line, the water finally turned warm. I took the warm cloth to Rebecca and she placed it on the affected region. To say the mood was spoiled could possibly be the biggest understatement of the year. In fact I think her comment was something to the effect of I should be thankful this wasn't a first date. 

Today, she's still recovering. She says she still can feel it when she pees. We'll have to watch to make sure it doesn't turn into a bladder infection. We have a date this Saturday with the kids at a sleep over, so I'll get a chance to redeem myself.

I always try to take something positive from every experience. In this case, by comparison, anal sex may seem like a walk in the park....


  1. I'm sure years from now she'll laugh about it. Yikes!

  2. Well, this cheered me right up! We had a similar experience where we bought some stuff from a sex shop and when we put it onto our nether regions as we were instructed - it was like putting chillies there - we were both hopping around like headless chickens for ages!