A Quiet Summer

Where to pick up? After my last post, we went through a series of ups and downs, which eventually ended up with Rebecca pulling the plug on G.

A few weeks ago, I was feeling a little confused. Their relationship had turned into more of a friendship than anything else, and it made me uncomfortable. They emailed/ texted daily, which she told me about, and they were getting together for coffee or drinks about once a week.

It's hard to explain to anyone how I felt about it, Rebecca still doesn't understand how I could be jealous of a friendship, yet still fantasize about her sexually with another man. I never claimed I was easy to figure out.

Her strong values tell her that sex is something reserved for the one you love. How can I argue with that? Her values will however, allow her to become intimate on a friendly basis with another man.

My values are smoewhat opposite. I see the friendship which develops between a man and woman to be more threatening than anything sexual could be, particularly when husband is excluded.

This all came to a head was when I decided to email G and introduce myself. Without posting the actual content, I basically introduced myself and suggested we meet before things continued with him and Rebecca. I also said to hold off telling her that we've emailed until after we met. I know, Mr. Transparency (me) suddenly went covert. I hoped that once we met, we would be able to both convince her things were cool, and they could keep seeing each other. I know that direct communication like this makes her very uncomfortable, so I thought it was best.

He replied, saying he was surprised to hear from me, and that he would be fine meeting. His take, though was that Rebecca should know. I know, this coming from a man sneaking around on his wife. The irony is palpable.

Against my initial thoughts, I came clean with Rebecca that night and told her I had been in contact with G. Suffice to say, she was extremely pissed. I tried to reassure her things were cool, but to no avail. She took it as a huge betrayal, that I would go behind her back.

In my limited defense, I told her nothing embarrassing about her or us was revealed to him. I just thought he and I should meet if the friendship was going to continue. I told her that she would have introduced me to any other of her friends by now, so why the issue? She didn't see it that way, and we're still in different camps on that issue.

As it stands, she has broken off all communication with him, which I'm okay with. She has told me in no uncertain terms to not bring up the hotwife thing. That's not so easy. I'll do my best to honor that request, although I told her I'll still have the fantasies; there's no way to turn that off, and it'll be a shame that I can't share them with my wife.

This all happened a few weeks ago, and things are back to normal. Our love life is back on track, and she's as amazing as ever. She keeps getting hit on at corporate events, but I do my best not to react much when she tells me.

We went on holidays for a week, and each took books to read. She's onto the second book in the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" series, " The Girl who Played with Fire". Ironically, there is a strong HW character in the  books, Erika Berger. When we got home from our vacation, Rebecca had me read a section of the book which describes the relationship between Erika, her husband, and her friend/lover/business partner, Mikael Blomkvist. Stieg Larsson actually did a good job describing what I thought the dynamic should be like. Again, after I read it, I let sleeping dogs lie.

After I read the passage, Rebecca said she now understands something G had said to her one night they were out. When she told him I was aware she was out with him, he referred to her as Erika Berger. Oh well, I can't dwell on missed  opportunities. It's a shame though that she had to give up on something she enjoyed. For now, we may just be too far apart on the issue. It helps to get this written down, and I'm sure Rebecca will have a slightly different take on things when she reads this.

Take care, I hope everyone is having a good summer.

Stay-ups

Things have kind of ground to a halt on the HW/ G front. He still emails her daily, but her and I talked and she really has no interest in pursuing anything with him for a couple of reasons.

First, and maybe most importantly, she has said over and over that she only wants me. How can I argue with that? As much as it turns me on to think of her cutting loose, I'm very happy knowing I satisfy my wife (on several levels.)

Secondly, she said the last thing she wants is for him to do something crazy like fall for her. She doesn't want the to be a tipping point in his troubled marriage. I told her  I believe he's already infatuated with her. As long as she keeps meeting for coffee and drinks, he'll have his hopes up. I believe she either has to stop talking to/ seeing him, or she needs to come clean with her "special" situation as it relates to me.

If she were able to do that, he may just loosen up and realize he can have his cake and eat it too.

Speaking of sweets, here's a shot of Rebecca getting ready for work in the morning. I'm a big fan of the "stay-ups". She still has the Mexico tan-lines. Next trip we'll have to leave the kids at home so she can get an even tan.

Edit: The irony of the situation just hit me after I re-read this. It's knowledge that she loves me that gives me comfort in offering her this freedom. If we were missing something as a couple, I'm not sure I would be as open to her interacting with other men. 

The more she tells me I'm her one and only, the more I relax about (and desire) the idea of her enjoying the company of another man. So far, I just don't understand why.

Why the HW Fantasy?

It's strange, but the HW fantasy is still haunting me, even though I doubt I could ever go through with it. I have been doing some "research" on the subject and came across an interesting article that looks at the phenomenon quite subjectively. .

In it, the author explores the the various reasons why men and women would want this lifestyle. As a side note, I really dislike the word "lifestyle". It implies (to me) the notion that as a couple, we're the same as everyone else, a kind of "club" when really, we're a couple first.

Under his possible reasons a man may want the HW experience for his wife, he lists the following:

Unconditional love:
I love my wife more than anything else in the world. She means the world to me, and I love to see her happy.( and satisfied) When we make love, my favourite part is seeing her face when she comes. When she doesn't orgasm, I feel like I've missed the most important piece of my satisfaction. This happens when she takes me to the edge, and in her desire to feel me pulse inside her, she'll push me over. I prefer to control myself and feel her go over first, and then let myself join her.

Reliving past sex:
She doesn't have much of a past. I was her second, her first being boyfriend with according to her, a tiny penis. On the other hand, I have "sewn" my oats. I have had around 8 to 10 partners over the course of my 38 years. Of those, 4 or 5 have been one night stands. Perhaps it's my knowledge of the lust involved in a one-nighter that makes me believe she's missed something there. The thought of her experiencing that lust, while knowing at the same she has husband who will love her forever afterward is something that not many people have the chance to experience. It's very much "have your cake and eat it too" situation. Men and women all through the ages have had affairs to experience this "lust". Certainly afterwards they must experience intense guilt at least equal to the level of pleasure they enjoyed earlier. I think the knowledge that I will love her before, during and after the experience would go a long way to tempering her feelings of guilt.


New sex and Pure lust sex
This is where my motivation comes into the picture a bit. Our sex life, by any outside standard is great. My wife has a great sex drive and we probably average 2 to 3 times a week. Every month, we have 1 or 2 sessions of mind-blowing sex.( I have a theory that this coincides with her ovulating, but I haven't tested it as of yet). It's my hope that by exploring the HW fantasy, we would be able to increase her pleasure and number of intense quality sessions with each other. The other thing that comes to mind which I have mentioned in previous posts, is her appreciation for the stories I tell to her as we make love. She comes quite easily when she's aided by the sound of my voice. She says she just likes my voice, but I know the content of the story always has something to do with it.


Competition with other males
I touched on this previously in a Mexico post. I think that the knowledge we both would have that she's appreciated by other males serves to increase her self confidence and re-light the edge I had before we were married.


Cum fantasy
Not really applicable I think to either of us, although I wouldn't have a problem going down on her if it was only "me" down there.

Sexual Control
Typically, I'm the one driving the love making, as well as the spoken word in our bed. She certainly reacts well, and enjoys what I have to say. I guess this would make me the one "in control". I totally believe that just the act of her fantasizing aloud with me about another man, or an mmf situation would take us to a new level and liberate her a little, allowing her to be comfortable with fantasizing.


Husband humiliation/Wife humiliation
Again, not really for me, or her I would bet. It's just too foreign to our love.


The article did help to identify the areas where find the allure of the HW fantasy. Someday I might share it with my wife for her to read....