Has anything ever happened with V? There was a day that she went up to his condo at lunch with him. She said it was just a tour. If I was totally objective and not blinded by trust, I wouldn't believe that.
Being in love, I've never doubted her. Never had a reason to. Now I do. Is it possible to love without total trust?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Contact
Well, it didn't take as long as I would have thought. G contacted Rebecca via text yesterday. I was at work when she called. She said he had texted her asking to go for coffee. I got the impression she called me not only to be transparent, but to ask if it would be okay if she went.
I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she would like to go chat since it was a rather abrupt stop to their relationship.
I told her I was okay with her going, provided she remains honest with me. I'm embarrassed to admit, after we hung up, I had a wave of erotic angst come over me. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. They met at a Starbucks around 11:15, and she was back on her way to see me at 11:45.
Part of our deal on this meeting was that I didn't want to have to pull teeth to learn about what they talked about or did. When she arrived at our coffee shop, I was waiting for her. I sat back and listened.
She said he complimented her on how she looked and asked how she/we were doing. He said that he felt bad for causing her to go through this. She said something to the effect that she was just as much to blame. He went on to say that he was in a meeting across the country when he received my email with the "nuclear option".
She relayed my thoughts saying that I wouldn't do that, and that he could relax on that front. They made some more small talk about Christmas, etc, and then hugged their goodbye. As he hugged her he whispered to her saying that he guesses it would be inappropriate to squeeze her ass right now. She laughed and said "yes, it would be."
Her and I talked some more over my coffee and her lunch. She said how she felt like she was two people during the affair, and she wasn't sure she liked the second Rebecca. We agreed it's like having the angel and devil versions of Rebecca on her shoulder. I told her that everyone has them, just that she has just seen a little more of mine than I have of hers. I'm the one person she can and should be comfortable showing both to.
We got into more detail about how G was a friend, but how she enjoyed the added dimension as well. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her if she would ever want a "friend with benefits" situation. I recall her answer was more yes than no.
We talked a little more last night in bed, and I tried to clarify my question, (not her answer). I told her while I find the idea very exciting, I'm not ready yet for her to resume the friendship with G. It's just too soon, and while I'm strong, I'm not that strong. I said I that her and I need some "us" time for awhile at least. We'll see where things go from here. At least we're talking about it, and I'm happy she can now allow me to see her other side.
I doubt G will stay away, so we'll handle whatever happens next together.
I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she would like to go chat since it was a rather abrupt stop to their relationship.
I told her I was okay with her going, provided she remains honest with me. I'm embarrassed to admit, after we hung up, I had a wave of erotic angst come over me. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. They met at a Starbucks around 11:15, and she was back on her way to see me at 11:45.
Part of our deal on this meeting was that I didn't want to have to pull teeth to learn about what they talked about or did. When she arrived at our coffee shop, I was waiting for her. I sat back and listened.
She said he complimented her on how she looked and asked how she/we were doing. He said that he felt bad for causing her to go through this. She said something to the effect that she was just as much to blame. He went on to say that he was in a meeting across the country when he received my email with the "nuclear option".
She relayed my thoughts saying that I wouldn't do that, and that he could relax on that front. They made some more small talk about Christmas, etc, and then hugged their goodbye. As he hugged her he whispered to her saying that he guesses it would be inappropriate to squeeze her ass right now. She laughed and said "yes, it would be."
Her and I talked some more over my coffee and her lunch. She said how she felt like she was two people during the affair, and she wasn't sure she liked the second Rebecca. We agreed it's like having the angel and devil versions of Rebecca on her shoulder. I told her that everyone has them, just that she has just seen a little more of mine than I have of hers. I'm the one person she can and should be comfortable showing both to.
We got into more detail about how G was a friend, but how she enjoyed the added dimension as well. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her if she would ever want a "friend with benefits" situation. I recall her answer was more yes than no.
We talked a little more last night in bed, and I tried to clarify my question, (not her answer). I told her while I find the idea very exciting, I'm not ready yet for her to resume the friendship with G. It's just too soon, and while I'm strong, I'm not that strong. I said I that her and I need some "us" time for awhile at least. We'll see where things go from here. At least we're talking about it, and I'm happy she can now allow me to see her other side.
I doubt G will stay away, so we'll handle whatever happens next together.
Friday, December 14, 2012
TGIF
An interesting comment came up on a post I made on OHW. The writer suggested that it was hard to believe that G didn't read this blog.
I started to post a reply outlining why he wasn't, but I stopped part way through to wonder and thought maybe he does read this. I doubt Rebecca would have told him about it since the idea has always freaked her out, but you never know. Things I thought I knew before have completely been turned upside down, so nothing would surprise me now.
We talked more last night in bed and she said she thinks she saw his cell number come up on an incoming call yesterday. She said she didn't answer, but it got us talking. I reiterated I have to know if anything at all happens with him, communication or otherwise. She maintains she doesn't want to go there, but I know it's never that simple.
The fact that he would try to call her the day after the "Things are Good" post gets me thinking.
I started to post a reply outlining why he wasn't, but I stopped part way through to wonder and thought maybe he does read this. I doubt Rebecca would have told him about it since the idea has always freaked her out, but you never know. Things I thought I knew before have completely been turned upside down, so nothing would surprise me now.
We talked more last night in bed and she said she thinks she saw his cell number come up on an incoming call yesterday. She said she didn't answer, but it got us talking. I reiterated I have to know if anything at all happens with him, communication or otherwise. She maintains she doesn't want to go there, but I know it's never that simple.
The fact that he would try to call her the day after the "Things are Good" post gets me thinking.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Things are Good
I did a lot of reading the last few weeks on "surviving" affairs etc. I concluded that a lot (actually most) of it doesn't apply to me. Most of the world still lives with the assumption that an affair will or should kill your marriage.
If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.
They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.
Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.
Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.
I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.
The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.
Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.
Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.
If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you'll understand that I'm coming from a little different perspective than most when it comes to this. Most of the online accounts of wives having affairs have one of two possible outcomes. Either the husband leaves the wife because of the affair, or the wife leaves the marriage because she feels she's in love with the other man.
They typically don't take the time to figure out why the affair happened. Rebecca and I were further ahead in that respect. We could and should have seen this happening.
Since it all came to a head, things have been back to normal, which oddly enough, is the same as things were while she was in the midst of her "fun". We're a affectionate as before and of course my mind drifts into the various scenarios that could have unfolded.
Primarily, I think of how I handled all of it. I did react quite strongly. Looking back, with my 20/30 hindsight, I did it because I was afraid I was going to lose her. Now I know this wasn't the case, but I'm not sure I could have reacted any other way even if I was confident she was mine.
I have considered the idea that I could have kept silent and just followed along without her knowing. This wouldn't have worked in the long run as it would just have added another level of dishonesty between us. Where we are now as a couple is way better than where we would have been had I been able to stay silent.
The other possible path for me at the time would have been for me to tell her I knew, and that I was fine with it. Now obviously I wasn't fine, but if I was, I think that might have freaked her out a little. I could see her wondering if I really cared about her. Of course my actual reaction should lay that question to rest.
Over the last week or so, I go back and forth on what we should do. Obviously she enjoyed herself and the "no strings attached" nature of their relationship. The fact that she has given him up so easily for me shows me where her true heart lies.
Some days I think it would be possible for her to maintain her contact with G, providing a certain level of honesty is maintained with me. Other days I want her to stay far away because I feel like I could still lose her. Either way it's a moot point because when I found out about the depth of their affair, I emailed him a specific threat which seems to have done its job. He hasn't tried to contact her since.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Enough About Me
I was reading about this year's Will/Jada Smith - Marc Anthony "scandal" and I think there's a consistent theme here.
From what I've read in the past, this is what I gather and think I know about Will and Jada Smith.
They seem to have had an enviable marriage by normal standards, let alone measuring it by Hollywood's yard stick. They also have some degree of an open marriage.
Will Smith was quoted as saying, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it."
Their openness with each other may explain this year's Marc Anthony/Jada rumors. I get the impression that Jada may have neglected to ask/inform Will of her hots for MA, which I can see leading to an intense discussion with Will after the fact. He would be asking all the same questions as I have been, including why couldn't she tell Will.
Add to this the rumor that he came home to find them together in their house, and you could see why he might be upset, regardless of whether or not she had some form of standing permission.
It comes back to the main question/recurring theme of given a strong love and marriage and "permission", why do spouses feel the need to hide their affairs? I'm not sure there is an easy answer.
It appears that they are moving forward together. It just might make it awkward between MA and Will for awhile, not to mention JLo.
Enough celebrity gossip.
TGIF. Rebecca's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to our date.
From what I've read in the past, this is what I gather and think I know about Will and Jada Smith.
They seem to have had an enviable marriage by normal standards, let alone measuring it by Hollywood's yard stick. They also have some degree of an open marriage.
Will Smith was quoted as saying, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it."
Their openness with each other may explain this year's Marc Anthony/Jada rumors. I get the impression that Jada may have neglected to ask/inform Will of her hots for MA, which I can see leading to an intense discussion with Will after the fact. He would be asking all the same questions as I have been, including why couldn't she tell Will.
Add to this the rumor that he came home to find them together in their house, and you could see why he might be upset, regardless of whether or not she had some form of standing permission.
It comes back to the main question/recurring theme of given a strong love and marriage and "permission", why do spouses feel the need to hide their affairs? I'm not sure there is an easy answer.
It appears that they are moving forward together. It just might make it awkward between MA and Will for awhile, not to mention JLo.
Enough celebrity gossip.
TGIF. Rebecca's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to our date.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A Letter
My Dear Wife,
About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.
Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.
I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.
Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.
After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.
Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.
Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.
When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.
We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.
About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.
Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.
I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.
Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.
After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.
Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.
Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.
When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.
We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Not Your Typical Husband
As my wife will attest to, I tend to think a lot. She jokes that she is shallow in comparison, but I don't think she gives herself enough credit in this respect.
Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.
When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.
Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.
Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.
I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.
That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.
Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.
I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.
Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.
When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.
Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.
Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.
I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.
That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.
Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.
I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)