I was reading about this year's Will/Jada Smith - Marc Anthony "scandal" and I think there's a consistent theme here.
From what I've read in the past, this is what I gather and think I know about Will and Jada Smith.
They seem to have had an enviable marriage by normal standards, let alone measuring it by Hollywood's yard stick. They also have some degree of an open marriage.
Will Smith was quoted as saying, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it."
Their openness with each other may explain this year's Marc Anthony/Jada rumors. I get the impression that Jada may have neglected to ask/inform Will of her hots for MA, which I can see leading to an intense discussion with Will after the fact. He would be asking all the same questions as I have been, including why couldn't she tell Will.
Add to this the rumor that he came home to find them together in their house, and you could see why he might be upset, regardless of whether or not she had some form of standing permission.
It comes back to the main question/recurring theme of given a strong love and marriage and "permission", why do spouses feel the need to hide their affairs? I'm not sure there is an easy answer.
It appears that they are moving forward together. It just might make it awkward between MA and Will for awhile, not to mention JLo.
Enough celebrity gossip.
TGIF. Rebecca's Christmas party is tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to our date.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
A Letter
My Dear Wife,
About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.
Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.
I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.
Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.
After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.
Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.
Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.
When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.
We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.
About two years ago, I confessed my fantasy to you. Nervously, I told you how I had this nagging thought of you sleeping with another man. Your reaction was as would be expected Of a woman in love with her husband. You told me you weren't like that. You told me you needed to have feelings for someone before you had sex with them.
Over the next couple years, I tried my best to be open with you about how I felt. I understood how strange it must have been for you. What kind of husband would want this for his wife? You must have thought I didn't want you. Or that I wanted to stray myself.
I could tell that the idea made you uncomfortable, but I tried to explain how it could strangely bring us closer together. When you still acted uncomfortable and ignored my attempts to discuss this, I thought someone else would might be able to explain it better. I made the mistake of trying to set you up online with a man, a husband whose wife had the freedom I wanted for you. I hoped he could make you understand what I couldn't. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. You were understandably hurt that I would offer you up like that. While it wasn't my intention, I know it was stupid of me and I'm very sorry.
Over time, you started to show some interest in another man, G, and at first, when I realized you may have an interest in someone other then me, I was the one hurt. When I first discovered your flirtations with him almost two years agoI was sick to my stomach. Although it was what I had been after, I felt like I had been left out of the equation. I guess I never made it clear to you that I wanted the two of us to use this sexual energy to enhance our relationship. To do this would take honesty though, and I could tell you didn't want a husband who could want that.
After that episode, I backed off, letting you proceed at your own pace. I believed, in error, that you would bring me into your thoughts and feelings when the time was right, and we would be closer than ever.
Fast forward to several months later when I discovered a few more flirty email back and forth with him on your Blackberry. I took these in stride, but mentioned them to you anyway, hoping you would let me in. Instead you changed your phone's password. I let it go, trusting in your judgement.
Over the course of the next year or so, I withdrew a bit from you. Like you, I spent a lot if time on my phone. I chatted with other husbands and wives who either had been through this, or who offered words of support. When I would mention you just go for drinks occasionally with him, but nothing happens, the response was almost unanimous. They couldn't believe it. I firmly believed that only a husband can truly know his wife, that an outsiders opinion was just that, an opinion. I guess looking back, I should have listened to them.
When I found your secret email account last month, it proved them all right, and I was hit with the reality of your affair. Like a good wife, you have done all that is humanly possible to set us back on track. We love each other, and nothing will change that. I love you. At times over the last few weeks I wish I was strong enough not to.
We can definitely move on like we have been from this, but I feel I need to be honest with you, even if you haven't been with me. I blame your willful ignorance of my desires for this. I tried to share them with you so we could explore life together. Instead, you chose to ignore me.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Not Your Typical Husband
As my wife will attest to, I tend to think a lot. She jokes that she is shallow in comparison, but I don't think she gives herself enough credit in this respect.
Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.
When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.
Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.
Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.
I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.
That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.
Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.
I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.
Sex between us has been often and pretty intense between us over the last few weeks. At times it's lovemaking, and other times it's hard sex. I have to admit, that every time I have been inside her, thoughts of them cross my mind. I wonder the usual things, like how I compare, how hard she came, etc.
When my thoughts turn to the two of them, it goes one of two ways for me. I either get turned on by the idea that she gave her body to him, or I go in the opposite direction and start to get distracted.
Recently, my thoughts have been about why I feel like I do at times. I came to the conclusion that it bothers me that they had something special. Rebecca has reassured me time and time again, ( and I believe her) that it was just a fun thing for her. She jokes about how she is able to turn off the feelings with him.
Even so, what made (and makes) it special in my eyes is the fact that she hid it. I realize that was a mistake she made, and it can't be undone. Unfortunately, it will remain special in my mind because she did it, hid it, and ended it, granting G this special status as the only man who was able to get her to do this.
I woke up this morning, went to the washroom and came back to her warm, naked sleeping body. We keep our bedroom quite chilly, so I spooned up to her and sapped some of her heat. She smells great after a night's sleep. I'm not sure why.
That's when the thought crossed my mind that the only way to remove the significance of her affair with G would be for her to have another one with someone else. I know she'll shit when she reads this, saying there's no way she will go through this again.
Of course I would argue that we didn't go about it right with G. I'm not saying she should go out and become a slut overnight, because that's not who she is and that's not the woman I love. What I am saying is she could keep her eyes and ears open for another "friend", letting it develop if she chooses, but do it right by keeping our communication open. I can't believe I'm even typing this. Even if she never slept with someone else, the simple fact that she was moving on from G would take the edge off the significance of their affair.
I know her response will be to say she has no desire for anyone else. That she only wants me. Well, that answer would elevate G to a level that will continue to make me uncomfortable for a long time. Regardless, I'll deal with it. She's worth it.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Volunteering
Rebecca has been exceptionally loving over the last few weeks, which I definitely enjoy. In that respect we barely skipped a beat.
What will really make me feel we have reached another level is when she volunteers something she is uncomfortable sharing.
It's not that I want her to feel uncomfortable, it's just that everything about her "affair" she has told me has been after I had cornered her. To her credit, she has told me that she will answer anything I ask, but in a way, that tells me she won't volunteer anything.
The most important thing for me at this point is not that I know everything, but that I feel I have a wife who will tell me anything.
What will really make me feel we have reached another level is when she volunteers something she is uncomfortable sharing.
It's not that I want her to feel uncomfortable, it's just that everything about her "affair" she has told me has been after I had cornered her. To her credit, she has told me that she will answer anything I ask, but in a way, that tells me she won't volunteer anything.
The most important thing for me at this point is not that I know everything, but that I feel I have a wife who will tell me anything.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
It's quiet in here
But it's good for thinking. I was driving our son back from a 7:00am practice this morning, and I worked myself into a bad mood.
It was just another little thing that made me realize how long I had been duped. For how much of the kid's lives their father had been lied to. In relative years, it would be a decade for me. It feels like a decade. Songs from a year ago have different meaning for me now.
We had a good night last night though. Rebecca and I went to Skyfall while the kids stayed for supper at a friend's house.
I even bought some roses for the occasion. I think how utterly insane this can be. I'm just doing my best to move forward.
We didn't have sex last night, although I sensed Rebecca was game. We kissed a lot in bed, and I had her naked body against me, but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
We're hosting my office Christmas party tonight, so that should be a good time.
Time for a run.
It was just another little thing that made me realize how long I had been duped. For how much of the kid's lives their father had been lied to. In relative years, it would be a decade for me. It feels like a decade. Songs from a year ago have different meaning for me now.
We had a good night last night though. Rebecca and I went to Skyfall while the kids stayed for supper at a friend's house.
I even bought some roses for the occasion. I think how utterly insane this can be. I'm just doing my best to move forward.
We didn't have sex last night, although I sensed Rebecca was game. We kissed a lot in bed, and I had her naked body against me, but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
We're hosting my office Christmas party tonight, so that should be a good time.
Time for a run.
Today
Any sad thoughts of Rebecca and G sneaking around behind my back have more less disappeared. Is it really that easy? I've seen how much she needs me over the last couple of weeks, and honestly, she has cried way too much about this. I mean it was my prodding that allowed her to go there, and it was her conservative nature that kept her from telling me.
I did tell her last night that I understand that going "cold turkey" would be difficult, due to their friendship. She replied that it wasn't even close if the choice was between a friendship and us.
It's too bad it has come to that really. I mean, we were so close to the perfect situation. The only thing missing was disclosure. I understand that once it happened, it would be hard for her to bring it up, but I did try to give her every chance.
Even this soon after the pain, I have the fleeting thought that we/she could have had it all.. if. If my aunt had nuts.
Unfortunately, with G the opportunity has passed. I'm not sure even I could go there now. Having said that, Sweets if you're reading this, I would still insist on honesty if you ever felt you needed to go there.
Maybe one day she'll find a new G and we can start this off on the right foot. She'll read this and say that will never happen, but that's the sort of denial that got us in trouble to begin with. We've determined that even a perfect wife can have needs outside a perfect marriage.
She has told me that I should stop with the hotwife talk, but I have to be honest, it's hard to do. Especially knowing we've come this close but I'll do my best in that regard. I only hope that if given the choice in the future between cheating wife and hotwife, she'll choose the latter.
I did tell her last night that I understand that going "cold turkey" would be difficult, due to their friendship. She replied that it wasn't even close if the choice was between a friendship and us.
It's too bad it has come to that really. I mean, we were so close to the perfect situation. The only thing missing was disclosure. I understand that once it happened, it would be hard for her to bring it up, but I did try to give her every chance.
Even this soon after the pain, I have the fleeting thought that we/she could have had it all.. if. If my aunt had nuts.
Unfortunately, with G the opportunity has passed. I'm not sure even I could go there now. Having said that, Sweets if you're reading this, I would still insist on honesty if you ever felt you needed to go there.
Maybe one day she'll find a new G and we can start this off on the right foot. She'll read this and say that will never happen, but that's the sort of denial that got us in trouble to begin with. We've determined that even a perfect wife can have needs outside a perfect marriage.
She has told me that I should stop with the hotwife talk, but I have to be honest, it's hard to do. Especially knowing we've come this close but I'll do my best in that regard. I only hope that if given the choice in the future between cheating wife and hotwife, she'll choose the latter.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
A Pretty Good Night
The Christmas party was a hit, as was Rebecca. It was pretty early in the season, but this was the only weekend that worked for everyone. We hired a great catering duo, a husband and wife who cooked and chatted with the crowd.
During the day I was having a bit of a hard time, and Rebecca has been insisting that I tell her when I have a bad thought. I told her I don't need to bother her with every little negative thing, but she kept asking me to let her hear the pain. This was right before the caterers were arriving as we changed our clothes. She was putting her panties away, and I actually had to look away. I know it's dumb. She asked and I told her. There were things all day that tweaked my memory. Songs, underwear, her dress, her perfect ass while she was changing.. This led to her crying again before the party. Throughout all of this, she has cried a lot. I've been more brooding than anything, but I'm starting to understand that she is being harder on herself about this than I am.
I wasn't in a party mood, so I had low expectations.
She looked amazing in a sweater dress, which was just shear enough to show the outline of her ass through it. During the evening, we were very touchy. She is an amazing hostess. Several times she would come up to me, put her arms around me and whisper in my ear.
I couldn't resist her charm. She would brush my ass with her hand, or push her ass back towards me and discretely grind as we chatted with the guests.
Her charm wasn't limited to me. Two of the younger men (boyfriend/fiancés of two of my female staff) really enjoyed talking to her. Nothing crazy, just her making everyone feel comfortable chatting. She was the hottest woman in the group, even though half the group was at least ten years younger.
At one point, she was standing, talking with one of the guys, her arm around him. It was pretty innocent, but it made me look around to see if anyone else noticed or cared. She pulled me over to her and kissed me. I can't explain how much my mood improved over the evening.
Here I was, hosting a party, and the most beautiful woman in the crowd keeps teasing me, all the while telling me how much she needs me.
At one point, my administrator, a savvy and very direct woman in her mid sixties, whispered to Rebecca that she would take over hostess duties if we wanted to slip upstairs for fifteen minutes. We never took her up on the offer, although it was tempting.
We eventually got everyone out of the house around 3am and headed to bed. We spent most of the next hour all over each other's bodies. I have to say it was amazing. She's become very open in bed. She was quite vocal and makes sure she is getting what she wants. The memories are spotty, but I remember devouring each other in a 69 after we had cum together once. It's at times like that, the knowledge she's been with another man just adds fuel to my fire. It's strange how it works.
This morning we followed up with another round, with her telling me I could get the rabbit vibe from her bedside table. She came while riding me as I moved the vibrator slowly back and forth against her. I know it's weird, but because I now know she gave G blowjobs, I felt the need to reassert myself in that department. After she came, I moved up to her and she took me in her mouth. I kept going until I flooded her mouth. She swallowed and then kissed me as we came down from the high.
During the day I was having a bit of a hard time, and Rebecca has been insisting that I tell her when I have a bad thought. I told her I don't need to bother her with every little negative thing, but she kept asking me to let her hear the pain. This was right before the caterers were arriving as we changed our clothes. She was putting her panties away, and I actually had to look away. I know it's dumb. She asked and I told her. There were things all day that tweaked my memory. Songs, underwear, her dress, her perfect ass while she was changing.. This led to her crying again before the party. Throughout all of this, she has cried a lot. I've been more brooding than anything, but I'm starting to understand that she is being harder on herself about this than I am.
I wasn't in a party mood, so I had low expectations.
She looked amazing in a sweater dress, which was just shear enough to show the outline of her ass through it. During the evening, we were very touchy. She is an amazing hostess. Several times she would come up to me, put her arms around me and whisper in my ear.
I couldn't resist her charm. She would brush my ass with her hand, or push her ass back towards me and discretely grind as we chatted with the guests.
Her charm wasn't limited to me. Two of the younger men (boyfriend/fiancés of two of my female staff) really enjoyed talking to her. Nothing crazy, just her making everyone feel comfortable chatting. She was the hottest woman in the group, even though half the group was at least ten years younger.
At one point, she was standing, talking with one of the guys, her arm around him. It was pretty innocent, but it made me look around to see if anyone else noticed or cared. She pulled me over to her and kissed me. I can't explain how much my mood improved over the evening.
Here I was, hosting a party, and the most beautiful woman in the crowd keeps teasing me, all the while telling me how much she needs me.
At one point, my administrator, a savvy and very direct woman in her mid sixties, whispered to Rebecca that she would take over hostess duties if we wanted to slip upstairs for fifteen minutes. We never took her up on the offer, although it was tempting.
We eventually got everyone out of the house around 3am and headed to bed. We spent most of the next hour all over each other's bodies. I have to say it was amazing. She's become very open in bed. She was quite vocal and makes sure she is getting what she wants. The memories are spotty, but I remember devouring each other in a 69 after we had cum together once. It's at times like that, the knowledge she's been with another man just adds fuel to my fire. It's strange how it works.
This morning we followed up with another round, with her telling me I could get the rabbit vibe from her bedside table. She came while riding me as I moved the vibrator slowly back and forth against her. I know it's weird, but because I now know she gave G blowjobs, I felt the need to reassert myself in that department. After she came, I moved up to her and she took me in her mouth. I kept going until I flooded her mouth. She swallowed and then kissed me as we came down from the high.
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