Grey's Anatomy

Rebecca and I have watched Grey's Anatomy since the series started years ago. The last episode we watched together had a couple in their mid to late sixties at the hospital. The wife of the couple had terminal cancer. During her stay in the hospital, she was interviewing women to replace her after she was gone. The twist in the story was she was interviewing the women to take care of her lover after she was gone, not to take care of her husband. Her husband was fully aware of her relationship as it had been going on for years. It was explained that both the husband and the wife had other lovers and were more like best friends.

One of the intern doctors in the show made comments to the effect that while it seems strange, the stability and strength shown by the dying lady and her husband is something to envy.

This of course got me thinking about things.

From my perspective, I will always be turned on by the thought of Rebecca with another man. I love the idea of her letting loose and enjoying her sexuality. There is no bigger turn on for me than that. 

The excitement I experienced by just the possibility that she "could" is hard to describe. There were a handful of times when she was seeing G that she came ever so slightly out of her shell and talked to me. And although I thought nothing had happenen yet, it was our little secret and I felt closer to her than ever before.

Of course that all came to a crashing halt with the discovery of what they really had going on, and what she wasn't sharing with me, but I'm mature enough now to know how difficult it would have been under the circumstances, to share something like that. 

But we were oh so close. Our sex life was on fire and I felt closer to her than ever. Not bad after fifteen years of marriage.

The catch was that in order for something like this to work, a couple must be focused on each other, and approach it by being completely selfless to each other. A wife who realizes how much she can please her husband by feeding that sexual energy back into their marriage will light a fire in their bedroom. A husband has to give himself over to his wife and experience his sexual excitement through hers. That sort of reciprocal trust is what true marriage is about.

This doesn't need to make the husband weak in the eyes of his wife. His strength comes from the strength in their relationship and knowing she will always put him and their marriage first. 

Traditionalists will argue that there are several potential pitfalls with this arrangement; that a man and woman should be sexually exclusive. It has worked that way (kind of) for centuries, and it still can work. I agree that traditional marriage can work, but I can also argue it only works half the time, possibly less. Maybe if we were a little more open to these alternative arrangements, there would be a lot more fires lit in a lot more bedrooms, and a lot fewer broken marriages.

Rebecca and I came very close. We both acted very "human", which I believe kept us from making that successful jump. Now we're back safely on the solid ground of our monogamous marriage, and I am thankful for it. Maybe one day, as we both mature, we'll have another opportunity to take our level of trust and communication up a level.

The Old Days

It's been long enough that I think I can reflect accurately on things. Looking back, it's easy to have pointed a finger at Rebecca and blame her for hiding the G fling. 

I don't look back as often as I used to, but when I do now, I can pinpoint the times when I had given her every reason to be worried about my reaction, had she told me.

Even in the initial stages when I saw her starting to branch out, my reactions and jealousy would have given her every reason to be discrete. 

At the time, it was unnerving to have gently pushed her in that direction, with her fighting it, only to see signs that she was actually attracted to him. The protracted dance of "I'm not interested", to snooping through her texts to learn it was the opposite was more than my maturity level could handle, and she would have realized that back then.

She was enjoying herself, but most likely  feeling guilty about it. She's not a great communicator and I'm too much of a thinker. 

Quite honestly, if I went through this again, knowing what I now know, I would still be challenged by the emotions I would go through. 

No offense to the "slut wives" out there, but Rebecca isn't anything like them. She has had a grand total of three men in her lifetime. I think knowing that she is that discerning contributed to the angst I felt when things were developing with G. It's hard to control that emotion. 

Oddly enough, it's the angst that I miss now. I remember her heading out for drinks in the evening, and even though I thought it was innocent at the time, the feelings were incredible. 

Another thing I used to love was getting the occasional text near the end of the day saying that she was invited out for a drink and "is that okay?" It was something very hard to describe. 

Anyway, that's all I have for now. She's a great woman, wife, mom, milf. I do miss the "old days", but I'm grateful beyond belief that after all this drama, she ended up with me.

One Year

I just realized it was a year ago today that I discovered Rebecca had been sleeping with G. We're doing well, other than I still can't shake this fantasy of her dating other men.

Rebecca has been the perfect wife, reinforcing that she will never go down that path again. I'm very happy that she loves me as much as she does, considering I had a large part to play in her affair. 

She's a beautiful, sexy woman, and I love her more than anything.  You would think after all we've been through, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near it. It's a tough fantasy to shake. 

Sounds like Lasagna

I asked Rebecca last night if I could record the audio of us. She said yes, so I laid my iPhone beside us. I wasn't sure how well it would pick up the sounds, but I think it turned out quite well. This is what Rebecca sounds like. I have to say, it's even better the next day. Kind of like lasagna.

I couldn't get it to load as a video here, so I had to link it to a google drive. It's an mp4; don't leave it in your iTunes.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_mtJCw6IMxhdDRXYTlGYTFEQ00/edit?usp=sharing